Sunday Funday?

Eric did end up taking Nora to see his brother and wife and kids. I had a few last-moment ideas to go along, as I certainly do miss them and wish I was closer to my sister-in-law. But… Eric disclosed last-minute he was picking up his mother on the way, therefore the mere idea of me going stopped immediately upon hearing that tidbit of data. I’m actually quite annoyed she was going, and I don’t expect many of you to understand… I think you truly have to be in someones shoes and know the entire story, which I’m sure I haven’t shared on here, not every piece of information I mean. In a nutshell though, Eric enables his mother’s poor behavior. To a certain extent he admits this. It’s an issue for us, needless to say. I worry about future holidays, birthdays, really anything that traditionally involves family. I’m still in the mindset of refusing to spend time (life is short) with people, anyone, including family, who has treated me like shit and not apologized. (In my opinion, yelling at me, swearing, especially in front of my children, throwing furniture, kicking presents, kicking me out of their home, etc., constitutes shit.) My concern though is, Eric isn’t willing to demand his mother accept consequences for her behavior. So that leaves us in a predicament. I miss out on anything related to his family, if his mother is present. My girls end up spending some holidays away from me. I’m not okay with really either of those options. I’ve already contacted Eric’s mom once to try to resolve the issue, but I was not given a response. Do I try again? And what do I say? I really wanna say, listen here bitch, buck up, get yourself some antipsychotic medication, accept responsiblity for your actions, find a therapist, apologize, etc. But I doubt that would go over well. Even thinking about all this makes my blood boil.

In other news, I think my new medication Viibryd is messing with my blood sugar. I feel shaky often, like I need to eat, even when I’ve just eaten. And I can’t seem to find a theme regarding what I’ve eaten and now I feel. This shakiness happens with balanced meals, high-carb meals, lots of protein meals, etc. I still have my blood sugar testing stuff from my pregnancy with Nadia and I tested several times yesterday and today. Yesterday, even two hours after a high-carb meal my blood sugar was 95. I’d expect it to be higher… I’m not so sure I’m willing to deal with blood sugar issues, or really any major side-effects, when I know there are other options out there. I know all depression medications have side effects, but not all make my feel crappy often like this one regardless of whether I’ve eaten or not. I’m going to call my doctor tomorrow morning and see if he has another idea of what to try.

Nadia is napping right now, and I’m trying to decide how to spend the remainder of the day. There are a few items at Target I need want, but those could certainly wait to be purchased later in the week. I think I’m just looking for an excuse to get out of the house. I hear kids playing outside, so I assume the weather is nice, but not sure how much I can do with a nineteen month-old. There are lots of things I could be doing in the house, like organizing the guest bedroom, cleaning out the storage room, clearing off the kitchen table, etc., but none of that sounds especially fun. I completed several more sections of my business plan earlier this week but now I’m at a bit of a stand-still. I’m to the point where I need to start contacting outside sources, and paying money, and I’m scared. I’m still not convinced this idea will fly, although I wouldn’t expect myself to know at this point. But I’m cheap in some ways and don’t want to start wasting money. Oh, and I hate failing, if you haven’t learned that about me yet! I have a name for the company in mind but I see it’s already being used by a small home-based business is another state, but from my research she has not trademarked the name and such, so need to contact a lawyer, or pick a new name. Well, either way I need a lawyer. I also need to start more seriously researching possibly locations… but that feels a bit overwhelming. I think what I really need is a partner to take on some of this work, but no one I know has any amount of cash they are willing to invest. I could start reaching out further to friends or friends and such, but that would mean I need to have a more complete business plan. And it’s not that I really need the cash, its more the help and ideas I’m looking for…

Nadia is awake….


More time alone?

Eric left last Thursday night for his week on-call. It’s Friday, I’m hoping he’ll be home for his week off starting this afternoon, but tonight is probably more likely. But… there’s a catch. A few nights ago Eric asked if I cared if he went to visit his brother and family with Nora tomorrow (Saturday) through Monday. I was honest with him, told him I’d rather him not, but that I also understood he misses his brother. They have two littles, one who is six months old now, who we still haven’t met.

I’m so torn, and discouraged. And I feel guilty too. We could all go, but the idea of packing up two kids and driving five hours to stay only a couple of days feels too overwhelming to me right now. Being I’ve been alone with the girls for a week now, I’m exhausted. There is tons of laundry I’d need to do before we could even pack. I know Eric understands this, why is why he offered to just take Nora. I mean, of course I want to meet my newest niece, and see their older daughter who is Nora’s age. And them of course too. But its not a vacation, it’s work, and mostly for me.

And then there is the whole being alone piece of it if Eric does go. Yes, I’d have Nadia here with me, but she doesn’t exactly provide the adult interaction I crave. It just feels like there is this constant struggle between Eric and I, me wanting him home, more time together as family, and him finding reasons to be away, whether that be forced time away because of work, or other ideas he has. He and I certainly don’t have a lot of time together as it is… but is denying him time with his brother fair? Shouldn’t he want to be home with me, excited to be home here after a week away?

Business Plan

So yes, my business venture is a coffee shop, but with a twist. I’ll explain more later….

I’ve spent most of today working on my business plan. And while that’s exciting, it’s also daunting. The more I write, the more sections I review, the more I realize the vast number of unknowns… I’m writing this plan at various coffee shops in the area, in the hopes of also doing my market research in the process. So far I’ve been unimpressed with several cafe’s I’ve visited… although I’ll admit I’m a tough critic. Below is a snapshot of a few notes I’ve taken so far. Don’t get too excited, this is all very, very rough!

Screen Shot 2018-04-19 at 1.22.11 PM

Still Winter

It’s snowing. And sleeting. The roads are slick. I almost killed myself walking out of daycare today, slipped on the sidewalk. I want summer. It’s mid-April for gosh sakes! I have lots of things I want to do with the backyard, but kind of difficult when new snow is still being added to the ground…

I’m beginning to wonder if my sickness is really allergies. I’ve had an awful clogged head, stuffy nose, watery eyes deal going on two weeks now. Lots of pressure in my head but this morning I woke with pain in my teeth. I seem to think that might be a sign of a sinus infection… WebMD believes I have TB, but Eric confirmed it’s highly unlikely. And scolded me for using such a site when I’m married to a physician.

This afternoons activity is more work on my business plan. I signed up for LivePlan. It’s around $20 a month for the time you are using the software, so hopefully it’s worth it. Still very early phases, as in, this is all just an idea in my head. I have lots of data to gather and market research to complete, but at least I have a start! I’ve had several people interested in playing a part in this venture… but none have any capital (cash) to contribute. So… I’m not really sure how to include them when they aren’t partaking in the actual risk of starting a business. Consultants perhaps? Although I’m not exactly sure how knowledgeable they are in what I need consulting on, and I can’t really pay everyone who offers me an opinion or suggestion… I mean, I’ll gladly accept suggestions, but probably not in exchange for any measurable amount of income. Also, I’m trying to decide how much I want to disclose on my blog. It would be helpful to receive feedback, but I’m not sure readers want to follow along with my every step of this tedious process. We’ll see I guess… More to come…