Today was really disappointing for me. I’ve yet to cry during this process, even from the very beginning, but today I came close.
Still no period so I called the IVF clinic as instructed at 8AM this morning. The nurse asked me to come at 11:30AM for an ultrasound and estrogen level.
My ultrasound was first, the tech was a new girl I hadn’t met before. She was chatty and friendly but toward the end as she was recording measurements she commented that my cyst was larger, not smaller as they had hoped. I asked if that would delay the next steps and she said it really depended on my estrogen level. So off to the lab I was sent for my blood draw. I got Michael this time again. I like how every time I ask him if he’s good, he always responds with, “Well, it’s my second day, so…” And he lets me pick my bandage color. Sometimes it really is the little things.
Back to the IVF clinic to meet with a nurse, Sue this time. She’s nice, but far from my favorite. She explained that the doctor on today reviewed my ultrasound and said it looked okay, even though the cyst was larger. She basically repeated the same information the ultrasound tech had shared with me, that the estrogen level was really the indicator of next steps in this cycle. Tentatively though she proposed a scheduled which had me continue on Lupron, the drug to suppress all hormones, thru Saturday, and then Sunday evening decrease to half my current Lupron dose, and add in 225 units of Follistim, the first of two drugs to stimulate my follicles and therefore produce lots of eggs, our end goal. She promised to call within an hour or two to confirm my estrogen level and give me the final plan for the meds the next several days.
When she called me an hour or so later I could tell from the tone of her voice she was ready to share disappointing news. My estrogen level was 168, but it needs to be less than 70 before we can move to the next step and add in the Follistim. She explained that the cyst I have is producing estrogen, as all cysts do. The reason we can’t proceed is because they don’t want my body producing any hormones on its own this month, which is the main point of the Lupron, to suppress everything. They only want the hormones I’m injecting to control this cycle. So, she instructed me to remain on the Lupron, same 10 unit dose thru Sunday evening and return Monday morning for them to recheck my estrogen level.
Stepping back, I realize this is a small set back, only a few days really, but it feels huge to me. I feel like my body can’t even do IVF right, when we are telling it exactly what to do! And of course, Eric was his usual positive self, reminding me that we want the conditions to be optimal before we move to the next step. But what if they are never optimal? I’m so scared that if my level is still too high Monday they will cancel this cycle and make us start over. But starting over meaning waiting three months, as the University only does four cycles of IVF each year…
So, I’m stuck waiting again. I had originally planned on going to a meeting tonight for an infertility support group, but honestly, I’m just not feeling very social right now. I really just want to sit home and sulk, even though I realize that’s probably not best for me. I’m going to try to stay off Facebook, as seeing all the happy families with new babies really isn’t helping my mood.