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Omaha Weekend

I’m not even sure here to start… I guess first let me say, this past weekend was very nice. Eric and I traveled to Omaha Friday morning for the weekend to visit with and meet his brother’s fiancé’s family as their wedding is just four weeks away now. Her family is wonderful and sweet and just oh so nice, we had a great time!

Friday morning I had a rental showing which went really well, Eric went with me so we could just get out-of-town right after that. We took our time driving, stopped in Des Moines at a cute brewery for lunch and then got to Omaha around 3:00pm. We checked into our hotel and then met Eric’s brother and fiancé at this super cute wine tasting place, which also serves food and such. Very good dinner and fun to catch up with them. Then we stopped over at the fiancé’s brother’s home and enjoyed wine while chit chatting with more of her family.

Saturday Eric and I slept in and grabbed lunch before stopping at a mall for a few hours. Well, I stopped at a mall for a few hours, he found a nearby restaurant where he sampled whiskeys. That night back to the fiancé’s brother’s home to meet more family. Excellent food and great company, it really was a wonderful evening! Eric was exhausted though, so we left shortly after his parents around 10:30pm.

This morning we had breakfast with Eric’s brother and fiancé, her parents, and Eric’s parents. Great food and more great company! We left Omaha after breakfast and got back into North Liberty around 4pm.

I’m not sure if I’m just overly tired from the weekend or what, but I just felt overwhelmed with emotions when we got back into town. Mostly regarding my relationship with Eric. Spending time with other couples sometimes makes me realize how little time Eric and I really have together. I guess I get used to seeing him so seldom, but then I hear others talking about all the time they have together and all the things they do together, and well, I just end up really sad. Eric and I do very little together. In fact, as I think about it, we are really quite distant from one another most of the time… which saddens me.

For starters, the cute little wine place we ate at Friday night, I seem to think it was called Brix… It was in this super cute little area with tons of shops, bars, other restaurants. Omaha is FULL of these areas. Anyway, as we were sitting there enjoying wine it occurred to me, there are no places like this in Cedar Falls. We won’t ever have the opportunity to have others come visit us… We will be forced to travel out-of-town for such entertainment. I’m upset about this fact. And I blame Eric. I shouldn’t, but I do. I gave him one request, that where we moved had to be larger than Cedar Rapids. I didn’t feel like that was asking too much. But he completely disregarded my request. I feel like he didn’t care enough to taken into account my needs, instead he only focused on what was best for his career. And that hurts more than anything. Cedar Falls is not where I want to move, but I don’t much have a choice in the matter. And frankly, I’m not sure how to be happy about that. I announced on Facebook that Eric had accepted an offer there, and if you can believe it, as I’m sure you can, comments about us moving to the ghetto were made. Exactly why I didn’t want to move there…

So fast forward to Saturday evening, the official get together to meet family… I should mention here for your background, that when we go to such events, I normally plan Eric’s outfits. That may sound really silly, but Eric has zero sense of style, and thus I feel the need to make sure he is appropriate for the occasion. And I’m not saying this is his fault. 90% of his life he’s in scrubs, so, just my way of helping I guess. Also to note, Eric hates to shop and hates trying on new clothing, so even though I actually buy him quite a bit of new clothing, he requests that I return most. Yes, that pisses me off. Anyway, he was in need of new jeans anyway, so I bought him two pairs along with a dressy button down for him to wear Saturday night. He tried on both Thursday night and said they were fine. So we both get all ready, and what, he puts on old tennis shoes with the outfit. Seriously??? It was not a tennis shoe event. Apparently I should have told him he needed to take dressy black shoes, but I thought he would have known that. Never assume! So yes, I was annoyed. But even more so than that, I was annoyed that he didn’t care in the least. He didn’t care that I wanted him to look nice. He didn’t care to look nice. He didn’t care at all, about any of it. He didn’t even acknowledge the time I put into looking nice for the event, or the time to buy him clothing for the event.

Which leads me to, Eric just doesn’t care. I honestly feel like he makes no effort in most areas of his life. Okay, fine, I realize he works 90+ hours a week, and when he is at work he cares, he is extremely dedicated to his work and career. But can’t he care about other things too???

So when we get back home today, I kind of went off on him about everything I was feeling. (Other wives do this from time to time, right???)

Eric makes no effort at home. I’ve probably mentioned most of this before, but just to get my feelings out, you’re going to have to read it again, sorry. He basically does nothing at home, unless I bitch and moan and complain until he gets sick of listening to me and then does whatever it is just to shut me up. Like take the garbage out, change a light bulb, you name it, he won’t do it unless I bitch. Which basically means I just do everything myself. And yes, I have hired someone to change the light bulbs I can’t reach. Eric just basically doesn’t care if the house is messy, he’ll live that way. He’ll wear the same pullover again and again, he just doesn’t care. I’m exhausted from making sure everything that keeps a house running is in order. Did I mention the wedding is four weeks away and now Eric decides he might need a new suit. That will be on me too, as it’s not like he is going to pay attention to how long it takes to make sure a suit fits.

Eric doesn’t appear to care about himself. Okay, this might be a stretch, but again, this is written from my perspective and this is what I see. For starters, he’s gained quite a bit of weight since he started residency. Granted, he has little time to work out or eat healthy on the go, but some days he does have time, and he makes no effort those days either. He hasn’t been to the dentist since he started residency, which was five years ago. Yeah, not good. It’s probably been longer than that since he saw a doctor for a physical. Seeing his coworkers everyday doesn’t count. He doesn’t take any vitamins. He gets his haircut maybe once every four months. Which is fine if you have a long style. He has a short guy’s style. After two month he just looks unprofessional. He just doesn’t care.

Then there are things between him and me. I feel like there are things that a couple does for every other. Okay, maybe I’m not explaining this right, but… Like, the whole working out and staying in shape thing. I get my ass up at 4:30am partly for him, so I can stay in shape and look nice! I wear perfume so I can smell pretty. I spend hours shopping so I can look attractive in clothing for him. I spend an hour getting ready each morning so I look pretty. Partly for him. Shouldn’t he make the same efforts? Shouldn’t he get haircuts, make an effort with clothing, wear cologne, etc.? I’ve bought him cologne, he doesn’t like to wear it even though he knows I like it. The very things that attract a person to another are the very things he refuses to give any attention to. How is that supposed to make me feel toward him??

Also, recently he has been texting his coworkers and friends a ton. Like non-stop when he’s with me. He’ll smile and laugh as he’s texting them. But then acts like he has little to say to me, and rarely laughs and smiles during our conversations, what little conversations we have together. Why is he so excited to talk to them? Why can’t he focus on me? When he is home with me he appears to be in a horrible mood. I realize a large portion of that is probably just being burnt out from work, but why do I always get the worst side of him? He saves the happiness for others and leaves the exhaustion to filter through for the times he’s at home. How fair is that?? I get the leftover him?? Do you know how exhausting it is to constantly be trying to make someone talk to you, or to make someone smile, or laugh, or just be happy in general? I’m not sure how much longer I can do this…

Okay, sorry, this was a long, drawn out bitch session. If you made it this far, thank you. I just needed to get my feelings out. And if anyone has any great advice for me, I’m all ears… Of course Eric isn’t here, he went into work shortly after we got home…  And I have lots more on my mind, but my fingers are tired.  More tomorrow…

10 thoughts on “Omaha Weekend

  1. My life also revolves around my husband’s career–we live wherever his projects are and he is gone a lot–even when he’s home he’s tethered to his blackberry.
    If I could offer you anything, it would be: this residency crap can’t last forever. He will eventually have more time and energy to devote to you. Pick your battles, cuz you can’t win them all (hair, clothes, cologne, working out, eating healthy, not texting when he’s on a date with you, etc.) or at least, you can’t win them all at once so focus on one thing at a time. I wouldn’t resent having to pick out his clothes and buy them for him, because at least he consents to wear (some) of them, and this is what most (if not all) wives do, myself included. Also I would make the dentist appointment for him (I make ALL of Mr. MLACS’s medical appointments and make sure he takes off work to go). I’m not exactly sure if you’re a homemaker, but I am, and in our household this means that I take care of him–all he has to do is work and sign the checks, and I do everything else. Except the trash. He takes out the trash. And yeah, sometimes he has the nerve to act like I’m being demanding about the trash and I will lose it on him and remind him of how things really work around here, in case he forgot. I don’t mind (doing everything) because if I don’t then it simply won’t (cannot) get done, so I’m glad he’s empowered me to take the reigns. I tolerate him being “rough around the edges” because he is a man of great substance. But if he’s dismissive or disrespectful, he gets an “awakening”. XOXO

    1. It’s nice to hear someone else understands my struggles. How do you find time to do everything though?? I feel overwhelmed as it is without kids. And God willing this IVF stuff works, then what will I do??​

      1. Every time we move it screws up my routine and it takes forever to figure things out, but I’d say having a routine is essential to me (in order to get things done).
        In my experience as a childcare provider, routine is even more essential with kids (particularly a sleep schedule of set nap & bed times)–it will be hard because you & kids will have a routine & hubs will have his own routine with work, and they may not be “in sync”–but you’ll have your ‘mommies groups’ for support and maybe a part-time nanny so you can get away to do things a few hours a week by yourself (I was a part-time nanny in college). It will be fine! XOXO

        1. Time for mommy groups?? When I work full-time?? Oh dear… This all seems like too much!​

          1. Didn’t know you worked full time! Sorry, missed that. Totally different story–I’m a homemaker and will be home with children, so my suggestions reflect that I thought your situation was more similar to mine. If I worked full time I would want everything to be 50/50 as far as household responsibilities. XO

            1. Yes, if I didn’t work full-time, I foresee this being so much easier. Not easy, but easier. I highly doubt Eric will ever have the time to devote to home on a 50/50 basis though, so not sure where that leaves me…​

  2. It can be frustrating feeling like your best friend, your better half, your partner doesn’t have time for you or doesn’t care. I think you’re right–he likely IS burnt-out and exhausted and you only have 15 more months of this business. On that note, coming from the other side isn’t easy either. I am the one who manages the finances, cleans the abode, works out, eats healthy, cooks, and works full-time. My husband hasn’t lived with me for 2 years and recently moved-in and took a HUGE paycut making 1/4th of what he was making, working more hours, and spending more money to “look nice” at the golf course (where he is working until the baby arrives). I did this fertility business by myself, no family, few friends in a new area, and no hubby. Yet, I am still pulling most of the slack. It can be frustrating–especially when adding high doses of estrogen (i.e. pregnancy or OCPs) into the mix.

    My advice, although maybe not sought, would be to tell him how you feel (which you did), and have a plan of what he can do (within reason) to make things a little easier or more comfortable for you. For starters, maybe he can wait until you guys aren’t together to text peeps from work. Maybe he can make time when not on-call during the weekends to takes walks with you and Kona. But, if you don’t tell him how you feel he will never know, and if you don’t tell him something he can work on, he will frustrated in his male “let’s get this problem fixed” brain.

    I am sending happy thoughts your way! Patience is a virtue best accompanied by wine and chocolate. 🙂

    1. Thank you! It really is so nice to know others understand, that I’m not the only one who feels this way. I’ll try to talk to him again sometime this week and see if we can come to some compromises!​

  3. Ideally, if you have more money than time between the two of you (eventually) then you can hire people to help. But if that’s not an option, then I’m stumped. XO

    1. Yes, once we move money won’t be a problem… I’ll focus on hiring help!​

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