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I’ll race you…

Sometimes I think it would have been best to keep all this trying to have a baby thing to ourselves.

I work with a lot of people, but under my leader there is just me and two guys, both younger than me, but close in age. The two of them sit together and thus have many personal conversations that don’t include me. And I’m very thankful as it’s mostly sports talk! Apparently today they were talking about having kids. And yes, they know Eric and I are going through IVF, but no, they don’t know details.

As I was walking out of work today they both decided to announce to me that their wives are going off the pill and thus they hope to be pregnant soon. One wife even has the birth months of her three children determined. Yes, she’s apparently clueless and dare I say fucking crazy, excuse my language. They make meds for that type of thinking, right??

So what could I really say to two guys except, have fun? I mean, trying to get pregnant is supposed to be fun, right? Personally I don’t remember those days, but I’ll assume they were there, at one point. Anyway, one of the guys, N actually who I have blogged about before, said to the other guy, ‘wanna race?’ Yes, I shit you not, he actually said that. I felt like I’d gotten punched in the stomach.

So if my day wasn’t bad enough, when Eric got home from work a bit ago he had to tell me all about his day in Waterloo/Cedar Falls. Funny that he can get off work on a whim to go there, but has yet to make more than one of my IVF appointments. I guess in his defense going to Waterloo today was related to his work… But still. I feel bad when his work comes before me. Which happens on a daily basis. One would think I’m used to it by now, but I regret to say, I am not.

So anyway, when Eric got home he was all excited, talking about the new practice he is starting in a little over a year, all about the marketing they are doing for him, how he still needs to pick out and design the clinic site, and a ton of other things. I think I stopped listening at that point. And yes, before I complain more, I am excited for him, it’s a great opportunity. For him. For me, it’s awful. I want to say I’m getting used to the idea, that I’m excited, but I’d be lying. In fact, I think I have said those words, feeling like they were the words you say when you’re moving and your husband gets a great job offer. But yes, they were lies. I am not okay with this move. I am not okay with living in Cedar Falls. But more so, I’m not okay with how it came to be. I had one requirement, that the city we move to be larger than Cedar Rapids. That left Eric’s options open to damn near anywhere in the world. But no, he didn’t consider me or my needs or wants. He didn’t even take the time to seriously visit even one other location that fit my one criteria. I feel so foolish… Like I’m the uneducated, clueless wife who just gets dragged along to wherever her husband’s career takes them, with no real goals or ambitions of her own. How dare he not consider my needs. How dare he be so selfish.

We also tried to discuss plans for our August vacation tonight, but that didn’t go so well either. The last time Eric had any time off was for our wedding, which was about two years ago now. We didn’t take a true honeymoon, instead we went to Vegas for a few days. It was kind of cold when we were there, so no pool time. We basically just gambled and ate a lot. Well, he gambled, I watched, since I’m not into spending money unless I get to take home merchandise. Since the last vacation was his choice, I felt like we should go somewhere I wanted this time… seems fair, right? I found a Sandals in Grenada that looked nice. A little pricey, but since we didn’t take a honeymoon and Eric did just get his signing bonus I figured we could splurge a little. Eric initially said that’s cool and that we should book it, although we haven’t yet. Tonight he asked what activities are offered at the resort, so I explained it’s all inclusive, so lots of food and alcohol, as well as a ton of water sports, which are also included in the price. His response, ‘so just beach stuff, nothing else to do, no casino?’ OMG, he is gonna pull that card again?? His way again?? Of course he said he would go, but he mentioned he will probably be bored, and who wants to drag a guy somewhere they don’t want to go? I don’t want to put up with him being moody for a week!

Ugh. Life.

6 thoughts on “I’ll race you…

  1. Uhg the guys from your office are dumb! That would ruin my day. As for the husband situation, this is some heavy stuff–these aren’t the sort of feelings and issues that resolve themselves. Have you considered counseling so you can feel understood and try to get him to explain his thoughts and reasoning–maybe a catalyst for changes? XO

    1. I actually have an appointment with a new therapist Tuesday morning. I’m going alone though as Eric has to work so I’m always unsure whether therapy can help couples when only one parter goes.

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      1. I’ve asked if couples therapy can work when only one person goes, and the answer I got was “it can help you but if what you’re trying to do is change your partner’s behavior, then emphatically NO it will not work by you going alone”. My husband has flatly refused to go to therapy–so it’s been A LOT of work with my struggling to articulate myself, enduring his resistance (epic fights) but he has changed his attitude and behavior a lot. Therapy for yourself is probably a great start–see what you get out of it & if you like the therapist enough to want to involve Eric. XO

        1. Thank you for the advice… I’m not sure I can say I’m looking forward to my appointment but I’ll try to have an open mind.

          1. It’s not advice so much as “suggestions based on my own experiences”–I’m no expert! I hope you like the therapist. XO

  2. I’m sorry about all the things that are happening. The guys at work are…. guys, and clueless. And with your husband’s situation, yeah a therapist may help. You need to feel that you’re heard as well. It sounds like you don’t feel that way. I also agree with MLACS that it may need both partners to be there for couples counseling. Best of luck, girl. I hope that you can find a place that both of you can enjoy so you can finally go on that honeymoon.

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