I’m feeling a little guilty, and spoiled. When Eric and I got married I kind of may have picked out this fairly extravagant engagement ring. It may have been worth more than my car, if I’m being honest. And I’m being honest. So since we spent so much on my engagement ring, we decided not to add another expense of a wedding band. Well, me, of course, being a diamond lover, I’ve been dreaming about this matching wedding band. For two years now. Way back when, Eric told me when he received his signing bonus, I could order my wedding band. So when he received it last month, we ordered it. And it arrived today!!! And it’s amazing. I totally didn’t need it. But it’s amazing! But now I feel a bit guilty. And spoiled. Here is a picture of it, with my engagement ring, not the best picture, as I took it as I was posting this.
So enough about diamonds and more about needles… Day 3 of stim meds are now in my belly. I’ve been waiting to feel something, but so far, all I feel is kinda crappy. And crampy, for that matter. My headache is back. How unfair is that?? And I still want to eat EVERYTHING IN SIGHT. Yes, everything. If I don’t go to bed soon, I may just eat everything in this house, including my Easter basket, which for the record, isn’t edible.
I’m extremely tired, still, so maybe bed isn’t such a bad idea. I had planned on attending a class at Kosama after work tonight, but that didn’t happen. I actually felt very odd when I got home from work. Almost like my hands were shaking… Like I needed to eat, pronto. So I did. That’s when it started, it hasn’t ended yet. It’s after 8pm.
Tomorrow is my last day of work this week, as I took off Thursday and Friday to prep for Eric’s brother’s wedding. Still nervous about how I’m going to feel by this weekend, but not much I can control in that respect. So I’m trying to relax and not stress. Tomorrow morning is my next estrogen level… Hopefully I’m progressing as I should. Once my results are back tomorrow they will let me know if we need to change my meds. Anxious and nervous for that. There is one more stim drug I need to add in at some point, just not sure when… Time will tell.
I’m trying to stay positive and upbeat, but to be honest, I’m terrified of the coming weeks. As I sit here waiting to feel something, I realize, this is getting more real. I’m no longer just waiting for this cycle to happen, it’s happening. And as much as I hate waiting, waiting doesn’t disappoint. This cycle could disappoint. Am I silly and naïve to think this will work the first time? Part of me feels like I don’t deserve for this to work the first time. I follow countless blogs, most written by women who have struggled with infertility much longer than me. Don’t they deserve their baby before I get mine? Kind of how I feel about my wedding band, that I don’t deserve it. Why is that I wonder…
Eric decided to have a few drinks after work with other residents… As if he isn’t away from home enough these days. I get that he needs time away to relax too, so I’m trying to be understanding. That said though, I’m home alone tonight… Perhaps a hot shower and my comfy bed with make this headache subside.
Wish my luck at my blood test bright and early tomorrow morning!