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Stim Day 3

I’m feeling a little guilty, and spoiled.  When Eric and I got married I kind of may have picked out this fairly extravagant engagement ring.  It may have been worth more than my car, if I’m being honest.  And I’m being honest.  So since we spent so much on my engagement ring, we decided not to add another expense of a wedding band.  Well, me, of course, being a diamond lover, I’ve been dreaming about this matching wedding band.  For two years now.  Way back when, Eric told me when he received his signing bonus, I could order my wedding band.  So when he received it last month, we ordered it.  And it arrived today!!!  And it’s amazing.  I totally didn’t need it.  But it’s amazing!  But now I feel a bit guilty.  And spoiled.  Here is a picture of it, with my engagement ring, not the best picture, as I took it as I was posting this.

photo

So enough about diamonds and more about needles…  Day 3 of stim meds are now in my belly.  I’ve been waiting to feel something, but so far, all I feel is kinda crappy.  And crampy, for that matter.  My headache is back.  How unfair is that??  And I still want to eat EVERYTHING IN SIGHT.  Yes, everything.  If I don’t go to bed soon, I may just eat everything in this house, including my Easter basket, which for the record, isn’t edible.

I’m extremely tired, still, so maybe bed isn’t such a bad idea.  I had planned on attending a class at Kosama after work tonight, but that didn’t happen.  I actually felt very odd when I got home from work.  Almost like my hands were shaking…  Like I needed to eat, pronto.  So I did.  That’s when it started, it hasn’t ended yet.  It’s after 8pm.

Tomorrow is my last day of work this week, as I took off Thursday and Friday to prep for Eric’s brother’s wedding.  Still nervous about how I’m going to feel by this weekend, but not much I can control in that respect.  So I’m trying to relax and not stress.  Tomorrow morning is my next estrogen level…  Hopefully I’m progressing as I should.  Once my results are back tomorrow they will let me know if we need to change my meds.  Anxious and nervous for that.  There is one more stim drug I need to add in at some point, just not sure when…  Time will tell.

I’m trying to stay positive and upbeat, but to be honest, I’m terrified of the coming weeks.  As I sit here waiting to feel something, I realize, this is getting more real.  I’m no longer just waiting for this cycle to happen, it’s happening.  And as much as I hate waiting, waiting doesn’t disappoint.  This cycle could disappoint.  Am I silly and naïve to think this will work the first time?  Part of me feels like I don’t deserve for this to work the first time.  I follow countless blogs, most written by women who have struggled with infertility much longer than me.  Don’t they deserve their baby before I get mine?  Kind of how I feel about my wedding band, that I don’t deserve it.  Why is that I wonder…

Eric decided to have a few drinks after work with other residents…  As if he isn’t away from home enough these days.  I get that he needs time away to relax too, so I’m trying to be understanding.  That said though, I’m home alone tonight…  Perhaps a hot shower and my comfy bed with make this headache subside.

Wish my luck at my blood test bright and early tomorrow morning!

 

15 thoughts on “Stim Day 3

  1. Ooooo sparkle! Your engagement ring looks like my engagement ring, same cut and setting (and I assume your clarity is perfect), although your diamond might be a little bigger–mine is 1.25 carats. Your band is gorgeous! I was never a “diamond person” and in fact did not even pick out my ring–but once I got the ring I fell in love with it (and with diamonds!) And although diamonds can’t take the place of your husband, they are a pretty good distraction, eh? XO

    1. Hehe! Yes, they are a good distraction, I’ve been staring at the thing all night! My center is just over 1.5 I think. It sets up so high though, I think that gives the illusion it’s much larger. The designer is Michael M. And it obviously looks better on their website!

  2. you definitely deserve your baby even if it’s on your first round. i HOPE it’s on your first round. i don’t wish that heart ache on anyone and i am sure other bloggers would tell you the same. i am in no way whatsoever trying to confirm your fears of it not being successful but i went into our first round of IVF completely naive and certain it would work for us no problem (i had had 2 previous natural pregnancies). the truth is, it’s a very big reality that it may not work the first time. unfortunately that’s how it goes for a lot of people. all you can do is take things day by day and hope for the best. thinking of you on this journey and wishing you good luck!

    1. Thank you. I am trying to take this one day at a time. I’m also really trying not to compare my struggles to others, but it’s so difficult. I want everyone to find happiness, to get pregnant, and it breaks my heart that often I can’t relate to other’s pain. I so want this to work the first time, but I guess if it doesn’t, I will appreciate it even more when it does happen for me.

    2. Thank you. I am trying to take this one day at a time. I’m also really trying not to compare my struggles to others, but it’s so difficult. I want everyone to find happiness, to get pregnant, and it breaks my heart that often I can’t relate to other’s pain. I so want this to work the first time, but I guess if it doesn’t, I will appreciate it even more when it does happen for me.

  3. Ooo I was hoping we’d get a look at the band after I saw your post on FB! I’ll be admiring it in person in a few days :). Take care of yourself this weekend, Stef — your health is totally the top priority right now, so definitely try not to get stressed out by wedding activities!! I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow and in the coming weeks.

    1. Thank you! I’m very excited to celebrate with you this weekend, and to officially have another sister!

  4. Bling indeed! So so pretty! You enjoy wearing it and hold dear all that it signifies.
    As for this process … Some folk get to move on really quickly others get to keep spinning that wheel time and time again. It’s all chance and probability and sciencey stuff muddled up into one crazy game of roulette sadly. I think that we all start hoping for that dose of beginners luck but if it doesn’t happen I’d like to think we don’t grudge those that do manage.
    Stay positive! Hope for the best, prepare for the worst as they say!
    Enjoy your weekend and good luck for tomorrow!

    1. Thank you! I’m so much a planner, so this process is really testing me, all the unknowns. It’s very much like emotional roulette.

  5. I understand the ‘guilt’ you feel about your 1st ivf working. I feel that myself. But it is what everyone wishes for you. Side note, my first round of ivf worked! 32 weeks today! It actually does happen!

    1. Thank you! I hope I can say first time was the charm for me too!

  6. Lovc you diamonds lady! They are beautiful, and you absolutely deserve them 🙂 Same goes for a BFP, it isn’t about comparing our struggles to others, or being more or less deserving of it – we ALL deserve the joy of children, and I’m crossing all of my fingers and toes that this cycle is it for you! Good luck on your blood work tomorrow!

    1. Thank you so much!

  7. Beautiful engagement ring.

    You’re not naive for wishing it will happen your first round. I think we all go into it hoping we are amongst those women who do fall pregnant on their first cycle. I do hope you are successful with yours. It’s a tough road to have to walk it more than once and I really would not wish that on anyone.

    1. Thank you 🙂

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