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Fertilization Report

Ever feel like your dreams are slowly being ripped away?  Maybe God thinks I can’t handle all the bad news at once so he’s giving it to me in short doses.

I’m not sure how other clinics do it, but mine records all details on an information line patients call at their leisure to hear results.  I say leisure, as it’s so not that at all.  I call obsessively until there is a new message waiting for me.  I can only hope I’m not the only crazy IVF patient repeatedly calling that number!

Eric is on call this weekend, which means he at least has to go into the hospital for rounds each morning and stay until ‘things are under control’, whatever that means.  So it’s 1:30pm and he’s just driving home now.  I told him last night I wanted him here when we called for our fertilization report, as I was afraid it would be bad news and I didn’t want to hear that alone.  Of course though, I couldn’t wait much longer, so I called around 1.

So keep in mind this is a message we listen to.  Which in my opinion kinda sucks, as you can’t ask questions.  Maybe that’s why they do it this way!

Of our 6 eggs retrieved, 4 fertilized normally on their own, meaning the lab did not have to intervene.  The message said they cultured the 4 and would like to transfer 2 embryos on Monday, which will be a day 3 transfer.  I couldn’t understand from the message if we can freeze the other 2, I’ll ask Monday.  So, transfer is at 10:30am Monday, we are to report at 10am.

I have so many feelings and emotions right now…  I wish there was a cord like my iPhone has to transfer data without me having to think and process it.  I’m afraid I don’t have the words.

First, I guess I have to be happy that 4 fertilized on their own.  I seem to remember hearing this is a good percentage from other bloggers, or I could just be telling myself that…

When I first listened to the message, hearing they wanted to transfer 2 embryos on Monday made me assume that meant our embryos were of poor quality.  Then, a sweet, lovely, fellow blogger called and calmed many of my fears.  She reminded me that clinics sometimes have policies as to what they will transfer when, and it’s very possible that since we only had 4 fertilize, that they are transferring 2 on Monday out of fear that our 4 won’t live until Wednesday, a day 5 transfer, as some embryos drop out at each stage in this process.  I’m still worried though, as my clinic is super conservative, very against multiple births.  Which leads me to, will our other 2 live to day 5 to be frozen, as I’m not sure if they will freeze this soon…  I will be very disappointed if we don’t have any to freeze from this cycle.

I’m still feeling like perhaps something is wrong with me since we only retrieved 6 eggs, even though all along we were seeing many more follicles.  Of course, I googled this, and found soooo much information.  Much more than I can comprehend really.  There are a lot of reasons why some follicles, in our case, more than half, appeared empty.  I say appeared, because most of what I read suggests they weren’t empty, but just rather weren’t ready, that perhaps the timing of our hCG trigger shot was off, or perhaps I needed a higher dose, or a second dose closer to the retrieval…  There are many reasons, none of which seemed to point to something being wrong with me or my eggs, although I’m not so convinced yet.  I’m curious to see what my doctor has to say on Monday when I see him for the transfer.  He looked disappointed yesterday when he told us we only retrieved 6 eggs, I assumed he was disappointed in me, but perhaps he was disappointed in himself, in the protocol we used, etc.

On a plus note, I’m physically feeling pretty fantastic today.  I haven’t taken any pain pills since last night and I really don’t have any pain, really tired, but no pain!  Okay, well, I do have some, in my hip, where my first, of many, progesterone shots was administered last night.  A friend told me it feels like getting kicked by a horse, and I’m going to have to agree.  And to think I need one nightly for I don’t even know how long!  I can do this, right??  Maybe I’ll try a heating pad tonight like the nurse suggested…

I’ll post separately after the actual retrieval procedure, but I do want to thank everyone for their kind words, thoughts, prayers, everything really.  You’ve all been fantastic.  The fb messages, emails, texts, it’s all meant so much to me.  And I apologize for not personally responding to all, I felt rather overwhelmed yesterday, and today as well.  The further I get into this process, the more real, and scary this feels…  It’s so comforting to know you’ll all here with me.  Thank you!

17 thoughts on “Fertilization Report

  1. I was just thinking about you and those babies. I am glad 4 fertilized, but I understand how frustrating this is. Especially when you hear of others with a metric shit ton of eggs harvested or when you are expecting more from those damn follies. I am praying that those embies stay nice and strong over the weekend, that the end number wont matter, because you and Eric will still have a wonderful miracle to share with us all. Take care of yourself, lady, and know we are all thinking of you.

    1. Thank you, you are seriously too sweet. Your kind words mean a lot to me 🙂

  2. My RE is in favor of 3 day transfers because he thinks the uterus is a better incubator than well an incubator. Maybe that is part of their reasoning? And I had 10 eggs and still only had 4 fertilize and that was with ICSI, so I think you are doing pretty good! Hoping that the transfer goes well, hang in there!

    1. I’m hoping you’re RE is right about 3 day transfers! Thank you!

  3. Don’t be disheartened – 4 naturally fertilising out of 6 is really good. Plus your friend is right, there are a number of reasons you might do a Day 3 and some women have even fallen pregnant with a Day 2 transfer.

    My doc seemed disappointed too but it’s all a big experiment trying to get the drugs right etc It just means we know more if there is to be a next time. Like my friend said 6 is better than none (I wanted to punch her at first but she has a point). I have questions for my doc but I’ve decided I’ll save them for after 2ww. Need good energy and calm mind to help embryos along.

    I’m keeping everything crossed for you x

    1. Thank you very much for your encouraging words. I am trying to stay positive!

  4. I think 4 out of 6 is wonderful! I had 19 follicles with my 1st IVF and at the end 2 were transferred and only 1 was good enough to be sent to the freezer. It’s about quality not quantity. Hang in there!

    1. Thank you, let’s hope that’s the case for me too!

  5. Hoping you get to deliver twins and freeze the rest! XO

    1. Yes, my mom is praying for twins too! I’ll love whatever God gives me!

  6. Ok- I see the feet report now. 4 of 6 is better than 50%, which is great, especially without ICSI. Your friend is right, they are basing the day 3 decision on number of embryos. Clinics don’t generally transfer embryos that aren’t of a quality that can lead to a pregnancy. Good luck!

    1. Thank you… the reassurance is really nice to hear!

  7. Praying for twins!!!!

  8. Praying for you! I hope the transfer goes smoothly tomorrow!!

    1. Thank you!

  9. Wanted to drop by and say hope you’re ok and that you had a simple transfer today and your other embies are still trucking along towards day 5 and freezing

    1. Thank you, it’s very sweet of you to think of me!

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