Ever feel like your dreams are slowly being ripped away? Maybe God thinks I can’t handle all the bad news at once so he’s giving it to me in short doses.
I’m not sure how other clinics do it, but mine records all details on an information line patients call at their leisure to hear results. I say leisure, as it’s so not that at all. I call obsessively until there is a new message waiting for me. I can only hope I’m not the only crazy IVF patient repeatedly calling that number!
Eric is on call this weekend, which means he at least has to go into the hospital for rounds each morning and stay until ‘things are under control’, whatever that means. So it’s 1:30pm and he’s just driving home now. I told him last night I wanted him here when we called for our fertilization report, as I was afraid it would be bad news and I didn’t want to hear that alone. Of course though, I couldn’t wait much longer, so I called around 1.
So keep in mind this is a message we listen to. Which in my opinion kinda sucks, as you can’t ask questions. Maybe that’s why they do it this way!
Of our 6 eggs retrieved, 4 fertilized normally on their own, meaning the lab did not have to intervene. The message said they cultured the 4 and would like to transfer 2 embryos on Monday, which will be a day 3 transfer. I couldn’t understand from the message if we can freeze the other 2, I’ll ask Monday. So, transfer is at 10:30am Monday, we are to report at 10am.
I have so many feelings and emotions right now… I wish there was a cord like my iPhone has to transfer data without me having to think and process it. I’m afraid I don’t have the words.
First, I guess I have to be happy that 4 fertilized on their own. I seem to remember hearing this is a good percentage from other bloggers, or I could just be telling myself that…
When I first listened to the message, hearing they wanted to transfer 2 embryos on Monday made me assume that meant our embryos were of poor quality. Then, a sweet, lovely, fellow blogger called and calmed many of my fears. She reminded me that clinics sometimes have policies as to what they will transfer when, and it’s very possible that since we only had 4 fertilize, that they are transferring 2 on Monday out of fear that our 4 won’t live until Wednesday, a day 5 transfer, as some embryos drop out at each stage in this process. I’m still worried though, as my clinic is super conservative, very against multiple births. Which leads me to, will our other 2 live to day 5 to be frozen, as I’m not sure if they will freeze this soon… I will be very disappointed if we don’t have any to freeze from this cycle.
I’m still feeling like perhaps something is wrong with me since we only retrieved 6 eggs, even though all along we were seeing many more follicles. Of course, I googled this, and found soooo much information. Much more than I can comprehend really. There are a lot of reasons why some follicles, in our case, more than half, appeared empty. I say appeared, because most of what I read suggests they weren’t empty, but just rather weren’t ready, that perhaps the timing of our hCG trigger shot was off, or perhaps I needed a higher dose, or a second dose closer to the retrieval… There are many reasons, none of which seemed to point to something being wrong with me or my eggs, although I’m not so convinced yet. I’m curious to see what my doctor has to say on Monday when I see him for the transfer. He looked disappointed yesterday when he told us we only retrieved 6 eggs, I assumed he was disappointed in me, but perhaps he was disappointed in himself, in the protocol we used, etc.
On a plus note, I’m physically feeling pretty fantastic today. I haven’t taken any pain pills since last night and I really don’t have any pain, really tired, but no pain! Okay, well, I do have some, in my hip, where my first, of many, progesterone shots was administered last night. A friend told me it feels like getting kicked by a horse, and I’m going to have to agree. And to think I need one nightly for I don’t even know how long! I can do this, right?? Maybe I’ll try a heating pad tonight like the nurse suggested…
I’ll post separately after the actual retrieval procedure, but I do want to thank everyone for their kind words, thoughts, prayers, everything really. You’ve all been fantastic. The fb messages, emails, texts, it’s all meant so much to me. And I apologize for not personally responding to all, I felt rather overwhelmed yesterday, and today as well. The further I get into this process, the more real, and scary this feels… It’s so comforting to know you’ll all here with me. Thank you!