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The good news… The HCG trigger shot must be out of my system, as yesterday and this morning I got negatives on HPT. I realize it’s probably too early to get a positive, but it was still a little difficult seeing the negatives. Being I’ve never seen a positive, I guess, well, I expect to never see one. History has a way of repeating itself, right?

And on top of that, I feel full on PMS symptoms, as I’ve bitched to Eric several times today already, and the night is still young. Of course, I feel my bitching was completely valid… I ran errands this afternoon and he promised to get patient notes finished while I was gone. But of course, that didn’t happen. So here it is, a night we actually have off together and he’s in the office working. What wife wouldn’t be annoyed?

Moody is really the only symptom I’m currently experiencing. I had quite a bit of cramping up until perhaps four days after the transfer, but this weekend I haven’t felt much. As usual, I fear that’s a bad sign. I pretty much fear everything at this point.

I’ve decided I’m going to be one of those freaks who pees on a stick. Daily. Just daily though. I swear I won’t use more than one test a day. But only because I’m not made of money and they aren’t exactly cheap. So my plan is to take a test at home each morning this week. I realize this will probably stress me out, but no more so than not testing and just aimlessly wondering. At least this way I can prepare myself for bad news in the comfort of my own home, rather than calling that stupid patient information line from work and having to deal with my emotions in public.

Maybe I’m in a bad mood today because it’s Mother’s Day, and I’m in limbo. Isn’t it better to know, even if the news is bad, than to be stuck in limbo? Is this officially my first Mother’s Day, or don’t you get to count it until your child exists to the world in physical, breathing form? I couldn’t even stand looking at Facebook, all the freaking happy families with 3+ kids. I feel so far behind. And running errands at the mall was a bad idea. It was a mix between prefect families with their little girls in matching dresses, or the family of seven that appeared to have just crawled out of bed, complete with holes in their dirty clothing. Yes, I’m judgey today. Sue me.

Only a few more hours until I can drift off into dreamland, my favorite part of the day lately… First though, I need to find some healthy recipes for dinners this week.

Happy Mother’s Day one and all!

20 thoughts on “6DP3DT

  1. did you test the trigger out? like you had positives up until yesterday and today? i am so curious about this. did you get the little bulk strips or are you going with drug store HPTs? good luck. i’m thinking of you everyday 🙂

    1. So technically I did not test out the trigger, although I probably should have. The only tests I’ve done this cycle were yesterday and today, and both were very negative. I am using First Response brand, they are not digital, so have to read the pink lines 🙁 I’ll keep updating with my results! And thank you for thinking of me, you’re so sweet!

  2. Ahh…but mood swings are an early sign of pregnancy! Still praying for twins!

  3. Umm, I just wanted to stop by and say I’ve enjoyed reading your blog, and I’ve never thought (inappropriate as it would be, given that I don’t know you or your husband) that there was a problem with your marriage. Good luck over the next few days!

    1. Thank you 🙂

  4. Just stay positive!!! This blog is for you and possibly someone that can learn from your experience!

    On another note, I never got the positive HPT, even after I knew I was preggo (yes, I just wanted to see that + sign once to have a partly “normal” pregnancy experience). Some of us drink too many liquids!!! 😉 You never know…

    1. Thank you 🙂

  5. No one who has gone through this will judge you for peeing…:) I bought those super cheap tests from Amazon just so I could test everyday. I just waited until a more appropriate time to test with the first response. I give anyone credit who can hold out until test day to not pee on a stick!!! Good luck to you. You know it’s still early and are technically still in the game. Also, good for you for not getting sucked into that negativity about your marriage. Not only do you have the stress of infertility, but being married to a surgeon is worthy of a blog all on its own. Keep your head up and know that most people who read your blog fully support you.

    1. Thank you! That means a lot to me, although I still want to cry myself to sleep 🙁

  6. I’m usually a waiter when it comes to testing but don’t know if I’ve got the strength this time…like you say, I’m not sure what’s worse. Wishing you so much luck.
    I’m judgey pretty much everyday, we’re infertile we’re allowed x

  7. Woaaaaah just read the comments from j2beok….WTF. What total and utter bullshit, please ignore this and try not to let this awful person stress you out. A) you don’t seem ‘unhappy’ or overly moan about your relationship B) if you did do this it would be very understandable considering the drugs you’re (we’re) on and stress you’re under C) what the fuck business is it of theirs?!
    What a total a-hole xxx

    1. Thank you… I was very hurt last night by their comments, trying to keep in mind they don’t know me. Still hurts though.

      1. I’m not surprised hon, this made ME mad! Xx

        1. Did you see the latest comment? As if I didn’t feel bad enough someone else had to rub it in. Maybe I should just take down my site.

          1. I honestly don’t know what’s wrong with these people. about kick a girl when she’s down. I can understand you feeling like that hon but hope that you don’t. An IF blog should be place of safety and support and you’ve done nothing to deserve such stupid, mean and unnecessary comments. I think they say far more about them than you xx

  8. In love your posts and think that you and Eric seem like a normal and very happy couple and your feelings about IF are normal too. I’m sorry the “infertility community” let you down.

    1. Thank you again, it’s nice to hear I’m normal, as last night I was certainly feeling like quite a failure 🙁

  9. Thank you… Just sucks though. I hate that a stranger can make me doubt so many areas of my life.

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