Facebook

If you happen to be looking for me on Facebook, you won’t find me.  I deactivated my account earlier this afternoon.  Not forever, just for now.  I’ve done this before, but there comes a time when I miss the communication with those I haven’t seen in years, so eventually I break down and reactivate my account.  I assume something similar will take place at a not so distant date in the future.

I had a few free minutes between meetings today at work, so I popped up my phone’s Facebook app.  I saw a variety of postings, but 99% centered around children.  A pregnancy announcement for a high school ‘friend’s’ 3rd child, updates on prenatal visits, pictures of daddies and their children (leftovers from Father’s Day), etc.  You get the idea.  Every single freaking post was something about someone’s kids.  How cute their kid is, how much they’ve grown, how fast the first month of their life has gone…  Blah blah blah.  And I get it, if I had children I’d be doing the same thing.  So please don’t think I resent you.  I don’t.  It really just comes down to the fact that I’m jealous and I have no clue how to deal with the sadness I feel every time I browse my Facebook feed.

In updating my new TTC timeline yesterday I realized that my story is now stuck in June 2014.  I have no upcoming events, no current appointments planned, no real clue when we can start our next cycle.  Or even when this darn miscarriage will end!  They told me to call when my bleeding stops.  Did they mean when every last drop is gone?  What about a little spotting, does that count?  I just want the darn ultrasound so I can at least say we are past that step and onto the next…  Something, anything, I need a plan.  Never never land of waiting is just simply too much for me.

And as long as I’m complaining, can I just say that it totally bothers me that Eric’s mother still buys him underwear.  Every Christmas, every birthday, boxers are included in the gift bag.  The man is 33 years old.  Isn’t he old enough to buy his own darn underwear?  And why does her buying them make me so freaking uncomfortable??

 

26 thoughts on “Facebook

  1. I get the Facebook thing. It’s hard.
    My ex’s grandmother used to do his laundry. Up until he was probably 31 or so. She’d come over, he’d give her his dirty clothes and she’d give him clean clothes. He said it gave her a purpose. I was always a little annoyed about it.

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      1. It went on until about our third year of marriage. The only reason it stopped was because his grandparents started traveling more and were out of town.

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  2. That’s funny she buys him underwear. I can only guess that she knows his favorite kind. You can ask her not to do that, by telling her it makes you uncomfortable. And I am sorry you have to go through the pain of watching others have kids, I remember being in your shoes years ago thinking everyone was married with kids and I didn’t even have a boyfriend, and now look at me. It will happen for you someday, but only god knows when! Here for you anytime though.

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  3. I feel you on “stuck in June 2014…” as I have no current or future plans at this time. Also, facebook is obnoxious and one of these days I might deactivate my account! As it is, I “unfollow” a lot of people–especially SAHM’s that post pics of their children EVERY day (like, do working Mom’s post pics of themselves sitting at their desks?! No? Well then quit posting pics of you playing playdough–nobody cares!)
    XOXO

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  4. Totally get the underwear thing. Back when my husband and I were dating, the FIRST time I met his mother (we were getting ready to go on vacation with his family) she shows me some boxer briefs she bought him and asks me if this is “the kind he likes”. . . AGHHHHH! What?? He was also 32 or 33 at the time. WHY ARE YOU BUYING THESE FOR HIM? He lives 2.5 hours away, who has been buying his underwear for the past 10 years?? Awkward doesn’t even touch it – there are no words. You’re uncomfortable because he’s an adult man who should be buying his own underwear and there are no boundaries. Does he pick hers out?? That’s what I asked my husband. LOL Ugh.

    Never mind the fact that it’s such an awkward question to ask his girlfriend. . . and quite frankly, I didn’t KNOW what kind of underwear he wore. Oh my goodness. I actually feel so relieved that I am not the only woman who has had to deal with this.

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    1. Darn, I wish I would have thought to ask him if he buys hers! I did ask him though if it would be strange for him if my dad bought me underwear. Of course he was all like, that’s different. But it’s not different to me!

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      1. haha Oh yes – I did the same thing. Asked if he first met my dad and my dad brought out some underwear he bought me and asked him if these were “the kind I liked” would he not be weirded out by that?? Ahhhh, yes, it’s “different” because I’m a girl. Of course. lol

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  5. I hope that taking a break from FB gives you a chance to heal and move forward in a way that’s more comfortable for you. It can be so traumatizing to see nothing but kids and posts about Father’s Day, etc. And I didn’t like that I became so resentful of seeing pictures of happy parents and kids instead of being happy for them.
    I understand the struggle though, since it’s also a way to stay connected. When I deactivated my account for the first time I gave myself a good couple weeks without it. I deleted the app from my phone. I found the first couple days were hard, but after that I noticed I was less anxious and my mood was better. Now when I do log-in I don’t scroll through my news feed. I only look at close family and friend’s pages, those I know won’t trigger me. And I only log in when I feel I’m in a good place emotionally. I don’t think I’ll ever re-install the app on my phone.

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    1. I was thinking about it more last night… Maybe I just need to delete a lot of friends, as honestly, most aren’t true friends. Those I am actually close to don’t bother me nearly as much. Or pehaps I could just hide those than I’m not close with. We shall see. Thank you for the insight. And I’m still praying like crazy for you!

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      1. You’re right, hiding a whole bunch of people would be another good option. That way you can stay connected with the people you truly care about without all of the other stuff. If I reactivate my account I will hide many acquaintances. And thanks for the prayers 🙂

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  6. I too have deactivated many times…recently I discovered the ‘unfollow’ button meaning I can hide anyone who has kids or might potentially have kids!! My news feed is literally full of singletons!!

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    1. Okay, I think I’m convinced, I’m going to do this tonight… I already miss one of my coworkers who is actually out on baby leave. But I love her and she might be posting pics…

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  7. I totally and completely get it. I haven’t been on FB for over a year and it has been one of the best decisions I made. When you really stop to think about how it’s just presenting other people’s best and most wonderful moments and I often look at it when I’m in a not so great moment, it’s no wonder that it often makes me feel worse and more disconnected instead of better and closer. I hope that you can focus on the people that you chose to be around virtually and in real life.

    And the underwear thing…just weird 🙂

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    1. I think a huge part of me holds onto Facebook friends because lately I’ve been avoiding so many in person. It’s like I need to feel some connection to someone, even if it’s over the computer.

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  8. Stefanie, I feel your pain about being “of child bearing age” and watching the people you grew up with or your peers go on and on about their children. My heart aches when I see yet another baby announcement. My Hate Monster tries to rear it’s ugly head and dole out a dose of resentment. So far, I’ve been able to beat him (mostly).

    What gets me even more, though, are the close friends and family who feel uncomfortable announcing their pregnancy, or tip-toeing around the subject when they’re talking to you. My sister-in-law was hesitant to let us know we were going to be an Aunt and Uncle, to the point that we were the last of the immediate family to find out. Can you imagine the rift it would have placed between us and them if she hadn’t told us at all until it was “Facebook” official? She approached the conversation as if she had bad news to tell us. It’s like we’re going to go into a fit of rage and hatred if we get told about their miracle.

    Why do people automatically assume we won’t revel in their joy? Sure, it’ll hurt to be reminded that the one thing we crave is the ability to announce our own epic news, but, most of the time, most of us TTC’ers push past that hurt to share in the good news, and deal with the emotions privately. It broke my heart that we couldn’t give my in-laws their first grandchild, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to resent my niece.

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