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No Judging… I Know I’m Crazy

Okay ladies, and any gentlemen also reading…  No judging, I know I’m crazy…

My beta to confirm I really and truly am no longer pregnant is Monday morning at 7:30am.  Convenient since I work at the hospital, so I’ll just pop up to the lab before I head to my office.  Since I know we are looking for a 0 level of HCG, I decided I needed to test on my own first.  Yes, this is where the crazy part comes in.  Three weeks ago I was testing to get a positive, now I’m desperately testing to get a negative.  Life, I tell ya!

I purchased the ClearBlue with weeks estimator, as I figured that would at least estimate a higher or lower level of HCG still coursing through my body.  I searched the internet, wondering what level of sensitivity each of the responses from these tests provide, but couldn’t find much…  Does anyone know?

Okay, so I took the test earlier this afternoon, and dammit, 1-2 weeks pregnant.


Yeah, clearly my level isn’t 0, and who knows if it will be Monday morning.  I fear I’ll be having an ultrasound, and what is that gonna show??  I’ll test again Monday morning, but I highly doubt it’s going to display Not Pregnant…

Realizing I’ve spent a small fortune on HPTs, I went online in search of a less expensive option.  But I came across an interesting ovulation monitor instead.  I already own the ClearBlue Fertility Monitor and it seems to work as it should, displaying peak shortly before my temperature would rise.  Well, back when I was tracking everything closely.  I got bored with that after the first year of no luck, although recently started taking my temperature again each morning.  Anyway, the interesting monitor I came across is the OvaCue Fertility Monitor.  It’s a bit more pricy than the ClearBlue variety, but appears to offer a few extra features.  It comes with a sensor for saliva and cervical fluid, so measures different sources to predict ovulation.  Has anyone used one of these, and if so, thoughts?  It’s not cheap, but I’m not so concerned with the cost, as my FSA will reimburse me in full.  Do we see any point in me purchasing this?  Eric is all about trying on our own the next couple months before we can start the next IVF cycle…  Frankly, I don’t see us getting pregnant on our own, but who knows I guess, since technically they still haven’t found anything wrong with either of us.  Wishful thinking?  I feel like at this point I’m willing to try anything, even another crazy monitor…  Do I have anything to lose?

Off the subject, but…  My vehicle, a Nissan Rogue, will be off-lease in about two months, so in-between rental showings today (don’t even get me started on those) I decided to stop by the Nissan dealership and see what they had to offer.  Honestly, I wasn’t all that fond of my Rogue, but I’m over on miles and figure they’ll be more forgiving on penalties if I stick with the same brand for my next vehicle.  So, I drove around the lot, three times, getting out of my vehicle four times before someone finally approached me.  How is that even possible???  I was eyeing the Armada when the sales guy approached and I asked if they only had one of those on the lot.  They did…  Interesting I thought.  So I inquired anyway, as I’d already told Eric I want something larger than the Rogue, but certainly not going to a mini-van.  The guy asked what color I wanted, and I was like, um, that is the least of my concerns!  I explained mine is off-lease soon and then he asked if I’m trading in.  Um, did he not know how a lease worked???  I was like, no, I’m giving back my lease and re-leasing.  I asked how much to lease the Armada and he asked how much equity I had in the Rogue.  Um, hello, none, it was a lease.  I’m fairly savvy when it comes to finance, and I’ve never heard of having equity in a lease…  How does that work???  Anyway, I must have looked seriously poor in my University of Iowa Hawkeye t-shirt, jeans, and flip-flops, as he clearly gave me this, you can’t afford this vehicle look…  I told him to forget it and I left.  He really pissed me off though, as technically I could have paid cash for the darn thing.  Ugh… how rude of him to judge me!

44 thoughts on “No Judging… I Know I’m Crazy

  1. took forever for my hcg to drop after my miscarriage, like 8 weeks. i truly hope it happens quicker for you!

    1. I was wondering how long this was going to take. Seeing the positive pregnancy test today kind of messed with my head, I’m not gonna lie. I wish there was some magical reset button for miscarriages… Totally sucks, going through it, waiting through it, all of it, sucks. Thanks for the support 😉

  2. I think 1-2 weeks on the CBE is in the 25-200 hcg range. Feels awkward to say this, but for your sake I hope you’re on the low side of that range.

    1. I hope I’m on the low end of that range too… I guess I will see on Monday. I was joking with my husband today that they need to sell home monitors that report the exact HCG level in your blood, like a blood glucose monitor. He said they probably do, for like $10k or more. At this point I might be willing to find the cash for it!

      1. Wow, that would be a huge money maker!

        1. Maybe we should start seriously considering how to make such a thing…

          1. Haha, my brain and science don’t mesh.

            1. I’ll tell my hubby to start working on this. Maybe it can be his claim to fame so he and I can just lay on a beach and drink all day for the rest of our lives!

              1. Good plan! Let me know if he needs an overpriced attorney to do lawyer stuff for the product 🙂 I’d like to get in on this beach/drinking business.

                1. Will do! I assume we will need a patent attorney!

  3. I get the desperate desire for the levels to drop. Somehow, your desire for a child quickly turns into a desperation for it to be over once you are told that your baby has no heart rate. i get this, its weird, its sucks, but I’m starting to think its totally normal! Also, my most recent miscarriage took 29 days until the doctors declared it complete – totally sucked!

    Also, I’ve never leased, but when I bought my honda civic years ago, the employees at the dealership wouldn’t even look at me. I was a university student, and no-one would even look at me. I too could have paid cash if I wanted to, but apparently I was not dressed appropriately for car purchasing. I was so mad, I called the manager of the store, told him about my experience, and they gave me about $3000 in upgrades. So, might be worth a try?? (In the end their maintenance department sucked, and I was constantly annoyed with them until I sold the car five years later).

    1. 29 days?? No, that’s a lifetime in my world!!!

      1. Every second of each one of the 29 days was miserable. And, I spent nearly 2 weeks on narcotic pain medication so I was virtually useless as well. It really wasn’t fun, and really get the desire for it just to be done with.

        1. Tomorrow will only be 19 for me. F my life 🙁

          1. 19 is 19 too many! Wishing you the best possible outcome with tomorrow’s results. I hope this ends quickly for you. And even more so, I hope you never have to experience this agony of a wait again.

            1. Thank you 🙂

  4. Sweetie, I’ve never hit zero in 3 weeks after reaching at least 6-7 weeks. The worst was 7 weeks after a D&C at 10 weeks, but it’s not uncommon for it to take more than 21 days. I’m really hoping it’s not because you’ve got anything left inside. Warm hugs, I know this really sucks and I’m sorry you’re in the midst of it.

    1. Thanks. I’m quite anxious to see what my level is tomorrow. I’m curious though why they are even doing a level tomorrow when everyone on here has told me it can take quite awhile to reach zero…

  5. P.S. If memory serves, 1-2 weeks is 50 minimum and anything under 200. 200+ minimum for 2-3 weeks and 2000+ for 3+ on those conception-indicator Clearblue torture sticks.

    1. Thank you… sounds about right from what I found on their website!

  6. After my third miscarriage it took a long time for my hCG to get back to nil and like you I remember feeling very perplexed about hoping for a negative test. The levels do drop daily so hopefully by Monday or very soon after you’ll be back to nil.

    In relation to the fertility monitor, I haven’t used the one you quoted but we do use standard OPKs and I’ve been following the ‘sperm meets egg plan’ which was recommended by others and which I like because it means that we can concentrate our ‘efforts’ on the best days of my cycle. Good luck.

    1. The sperm meets egg plan? I feel like I should already know what this is…. but I don’t…

  7. I’m hoping you have a better result Monday. I can’t begin to imagine what this is like for you and really hope you’re able to start trying soon. As for the dealership – maybe the hawkeye shirt threw him off 😉 (cyclone fan here). I thought you were from Iowa from some of your previous posts but didn’t want to come out and ask. I am too – live out by Des Moines.

    1. HAHAHA! Small world! I’m much more in love with the Jordan Creek Mall than I am with Coral Ridge. I make trips there often!

      1. Oh I love the whole Jordan Creek area…my shopping place of choice (other than Williamsburg)! It’s about a 10 minute drive from my office so I make a *few* trips out there haha.

        1. Oh, I’m so jealous. In fact, I really wanted my husband to start his practice in Des Moines, but there are way too many urologists there already. Hence I’m stuck in Cedar Falls starting next year. Way not as cool as Des Moines, so next year I’ll be making a lot of trips that way as well!

          1. I can’t say I know a lot about Cedar Falls as I’ve only been to Waterloo a few times. I really like Des Moines though…reminds me of the quad cities (I went to school at Augustana). Funny that you’re coming this way and I usually try to make a few trips to the other way to Cedar Rapids as a couple of my sorority sisters/good friends live there.

            1. Tiny world! Maybe we’ll cross paths someday… one never knows 🙂

              1. That would be kind of funny! You’re the first blogger I’ve followed that I know lives in Iowa! 🙂

  8. I wanted a Rogue but couldn’t afford it and ended up getting a used Chevy Equinox and absolutely love it. Take a look at the new ones, they’re pretty roomy too. I got the 4 cylinder which is great on gas and AWD.

    1. I will look at it, thank you!

  9. If you don’t want to spend money on an expensive monitor I have a saliva ferning microscope you’re welcome to borrow. It does work and could be easily sterilized.

    1. I kind of talked myself out of buying another toy for this process. I feel like if it’s going to work with IVF, I probably don’t need another monitor of my own. Thank you for the offer though!

  10. No, I don’t thin you’re crazy. Not in the least. And I totally know what you mean about a magical rest button. Hope the rest reveals a low level despite the positive at home.

    1. Thank you!

  11. I hate that this process takes so long, that our bodies take their time to reset. I’ve been thinking about you and just hoping that you are doing okay and feeling better. I hope that your appt is as good as it can get in this situation. Hugs, lady, I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow!!!

    1. Thank you, I so appreciate the thoughts and hugs 🙂

  12. I think it took 6-8 weeks for mine to get back to zero, long terrible wait. Sucks 🙁

    1. Okay, I seriously might go crazy if it takes that long…. There must be another way to get this to zero! I’m gonna be the crazy lady tomorrow hassling my doctor begging for a way to hurry this process along!

  13. I can relate on the judging thing. I have a full sleeve of tattoos and in the area I live people look at me like I’m trash. I went in to the Louis Vuitton store to buy my husband a wallet and everyone was staring at me, no one greeted me. Meanwhile my husband makes well into six figures and I am sure he makes more than anyone working there, yet they looked down on me like I surely couldn’t afford anything. Happens all the time. People judge/stereotype…it sucks. If you’re looking for an awesome SUV, I have a 2014 Acura MDX…it is AMAZING!!! It is rated #2 SUV, and one of the safest around. Good luck, buying a car can be draining, especially with everything else you’re going through!

    Also, after my two miscarriages it took forever for my HCG to get back to zero as well. So annoying. I’ll be rootin’ for ya. 🙂

    1. I feel like I considered the MDX and for some reason wasn’t interested… Does it have a 3rd row of seating? We need something larger than my Rogue, but I’m finding so many are basically the same size.
      I had my HCG blood draw this morning at 7:30 and still haven’t gotten the results… Ugh.

  14. Yep, it has third row seating, seats 7. I love it. I originally wanted one of the big body Infiniti SUVs or an Escalade but I need something I can put in my garage. Plus the MDX is great on gas. I’ve seen the Armada though and it is beautiful. It’s so tough!

    I just read your newest post about your HCG. I’m so sorry. This whole thing is just so hard. I’m coming up on my next transfer in July and I’m terrified. Don’t feel guilty about not doing laundry or cooking, when I had my first miscarriage I didn’t get out of bed for weeks. I was a mess. I have 2 kids to take care of but still could not manage to do shit around the house. Thank God for my husband. There’s nothing anyone can say to make you feel better but just know it does get easier. I think taking a year off of working might be a good idea, or maybe go part-time. I can’t imagine working full-time and going through all of this fertility stuff. I’m in school and it’s still tough for me. Good luck whatever you decide! It’s awesome you have such a supportive husband, makes a huge difference! 🙂

    1. Oh, seats 7, perfect! I am definitely going to look at that again! As far as working, I think I seriously need to consider going part-time. It’s a lot to consider though, not even sure where to start on deciding if it’s the best choice for me right now. I think I’m so afraid of disappointing others. Maybe I need to start with figuring out how to please myself more than others…

      1. YES! Definitely worry more about pleasing yourself than others. It may sound selfish but it’s true. You need to be happy and at peace, especially while trying to have a baby. Stress can actually prevent you from getting pregnant, or so I have heard. I know it’s hard, but anything stressful or detrimental that can be removed from your life, should be. Just my two cents worth. 😉

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