I know in the IF community it’s well-known not to tell someone to ‘relax and it will just happen‘. So why must people continue to tell me that??? In the past month I’ve heard this from:
- an acquaintance at a girl’s night cookout
- the chick who did my spray-tan
- a relative, whom shall remain nameless
- a co-worker
I don’t frigging care which of your friends started to adopt and then all the sudden got pregnant, or who went on vacation and forgot all about it and came home to find they were expecting. Fine fine, I’m sure it happens. But it makes me feel like crap every time you tell me that… As if I’m failing cause I’m not relaxing and getting pregnant. You try relaxing through this process and then come tell me all about it.
I was actually about to type, no offense, but no, seriously, allow me to offend you, as you have me… Are you fucking dumb??? Do you tell people with cancer to relax, as if that will miraculously cure them? What about those with diabetes? Then shut the fuck up and stop telling me to relax. Stop acting as if I’m the one with the problem in dealing with this, when you’re clearly the one who doesn’t have their facts straight. Infertility is a medical condition, not a state of mind. I understand the odds here, I’m learning quickly how many infertile couples at some point face never having children. I’m not naive, and I’ve not suffering from some psychiatric imbalance, I’m realistic and informed. Go do some research on infertility and then come talk to me. Life isn’t always easy or fair, and I get that. No matter how hard I work toward having a family, the reality is, it just might not be in the cards for me.
All along I’ve been telling myself that God forced this struggle upon me to make me stronger and wiser, and this may very well be. But it’s also taught me who my true friends are. The ones who may not always have the right words, or any words at all, but who are there, present, reminding me of their support.