Work today felt like the longest day in history. It’s Friday, before a long weekend for Labor Day, and my leader and one and only coworker both decided to start their weekends early. I was left to post month-end closing entries alone, but to be honest, my motivation lacked, and the best part of my day was spent staring into space, wondering if this cycle will be the one.
Tonight Eric and I are supposed to attend a Kernels game in Cedar Rapids with several of my co-workers. I bought the tickets awhile back, before I really knew if Eric and I would be available tonight, before I knew who else would attend. Turns out Eric can hopefully come tonight. Also turns out only a few of those I’m closest to at work are also attending. Might be interesting, you know, when you mix people who know each other, who see each other daily, but yet have never actively chosen in the past to mingle. There will be beer though, thankfully. And children. It seems Eric and I are probably the only married couple of childbearing age who don’t have children, and who won’t be bringing children. Another event where I’ll feel left out and reminded of everything I don’t have in my life. The forecast is calling for rain tonight. Is it bad I really want it to rain tonight?
Then tomorrow is the first home Hawkeye football game of the season. We’re fans, of course, having attended Iowa and still live here, but didn’t purchase any tickets this year. It’s so difficult with Eric’s schedule, he so rarely has a Saturday off, just didn’t seem worth it. We could still tailgate and probably even still get tickets, but friends of Eric’s (remember the ones I’m not all that fond of, the ones who just found out they were pregnant?) invited us to their home in Des Moines to watch the game. Yes, we might be driving an hour and a half to watch a game that is taking place in our backyard.
A huge part of me wants to avoid this weekend, stay in bed, be lazy, watch TV, I mean, it’s supposed to rain tomorrow anyway. But earlier today Eric sent me a text, he really wants to see his brother and wife this weekend, who were also invited to Des Moines, and I want to see them too. I just wish they didn’t come with the others. Eric’s text struck me as odd though, it gave me the feeling of being left out, like perhaps he wants to stay over, go out drinking with everyone Saturday night, neither of which are possible if I attend. See, we didn’t plan ahead, didn’t book playcare for Kona, and since I start my stim meds tonight, I’m obviously in no condition, or mood, to be drinking and partying, nor am I supposed to be drinking. My hope is that Eric understands the situation and is willing to drive to Des Moines for the day to accommodate both he and I. I fear though, that Eric will think of Eric, and expect me to clean up the pieces of a weekend for which we didn’t plan ahead. I fear Eric will expect me to stay home with Kona while he enjoys his weekend off.
Speaking of stim meds, I start them tonight! If it’s not raining tonight and we end up going to the game I’ll need to do my shots a bit earlier than normal, before we leave. My diluted Lupron needs to be refrigerated (another issue with traveling this weekend) so I can’t really take it with me. Which reminds me what a hassle all this is! And yes, of course, if it works, awesome, but if not…
So the plan, 300 units of Follistim tonight, tomorrow night, and Sunday evening, along with Lupron still twice a day, and then Monday morning is my first monitoring appointment. Just an estradiol level, no ultrasound, as there shouldn’t be much to see as far as growing follicles yet. Things should speed up next week though once we add in the Menopur. I’m really hoping my retrieval is next weekend, mainly so I don’t have to use two more sick days, but it will be whenever it will be. Which reminds me, I guess I should start preparing my boss. No negotiating these days off.
Wish me strength this weekend. Seeing happy families at outings, like tonight’s baseball game, is always hard for me. Just makes me sad, seeing what I’m missing out on, feeling left out of something I want so badly. And then perhaps the game tomorrow, with those I’m not all that close with, who won’t understand why I’m not drinking. If anyone has any great suggestions for me this weekend, I’m all ears!