Tomorrow morning at 8am I will be walking into the infertility lab/procedure suite at my clinic, both excited and terrified. Not terrified for the procedure itself, as I’ve been through this before, but terrified of an unfavorable outcome. I feel like the next five years of my life are dependent on tomorrow.
My trigger shot last night went perfectly. I’ve given myself lots of IM injections, but I asked Eric to prepare it, not wanting to mess up our one vial of HCG, as there is mixing involved, so I figured he might as well inject it as well. It’s been a few months since I’ve had one of these shots though, so the nervousness was still there, but I’m happy to report I barely felt it. A nurse marked the correct spots on my hips earlier this week, but I’m fairly certainly there is actually only about an inch circle of space where no pain is actually felt, and thankfully, I know where that spot is now!
Today I slept in and enjoyed my only shot-less day for what hopefully turns out to be the next several months. I picked up a few groceries, making sure to get lots of Sobe Life Water. I considered repainting my toenails all cute, but then remembered we’re required to wear socks for all procedures… so no point there!
I still need to pick out some comfy, loose-fitting clothing for tomorrow, and set my alarm, but otherwise, I think I’m ready. Oh, and email my boss back. She already asked me how far I got on some items and where my files were saved. Ugh, not what I want to think about tonight.
Speaking of work… I’ve still been thinking a lot about going part-time. And I realize there is no real reason why I can’t continue working full-time, other than I highly dislike my current position, but gosh, I’d still love to work fewer hours. Maybe another talk with Eric is in order… Which is related to our house buying dilemma, more on that another time…
Look what else I purchased today?? Yes, I have issues peeing on sticks. Well, actually, I have no issue peeing on sticks, my issue is stopping myself from peeing on sticks. Last night Eric said he thought maybe this time we should keep the outcome to ourselves until we know if the pregnancy is viable, but honestly, how does one go about that, when one, such as myself, has been so open about this process thus far? I just don’t see how I could hide the results, good or bad. And do I even want to? It’s not like we told the entire world last time. We didn’t make any public announcements. I mean, close family and friends knew, but those were the same people who knew we embarked on this journey… And even if we don’t outright tell people this time, wouldn’t they figure it out from my mood, attitude, heck, if I’m drinking decaf or regular lattes? And look at all the support I received last time, after our miscarriage? I don’t want to go through a failed cycle grieving alone… I don’t know, on one hand it’s sweet Eric wanted to keep it between him and I, more how a ‘normal’ couple would if they were getting pregnant the ‘normal’ way, but NOTHING about this process is normal. Never in my widest dreams did I think an entire team of professionals would be present every step of conceiving a child!
If you have any prayers left for me, I’d so appreciate some tomorrow. I’ll update after my procedure, once I know how many eggs were retrieved and how I’m feeling. Thank you again to all of you, for your support and encouraging words. You have no idea how comforting it is each time my cell phone dings with another comment 🙂