Wishful Thinking

I realize it’s too early to get a positive on a HPT at 8dpo or 3dp5dt, but since I have an obsession with peeing on sticks, I figured hey, why not start today.  It is too early, right?  And yes, of course it was negative.  But you better believe I let it sit on the bathroom counter for a full hour while I was getting pretty this morning, just in case it took a bit to appear.  But no, no such luck.

In my usual fashion, I’m obsessing about other things too, things normal people don’t obsess over.  For example, my PIO shots.  Remember last night it took two sticks since there was blood in the syringe?  Well, last night was the first night that I’ve had pain after the injection.  Like hours after, as in, it’s still rather tender.  And it feels like I have a lump in my ass.  I’ve heard this from others, but never experienced it myself, even thought I’ve had, gosh, maybe 50 of these injections now over the course of the past few months.  Then, last night I didn’t wake up to pee a million times, I actually slept through the night, which hasn’t happened since I started these shots again a week ago.  So then my mind went to, maybe the progesterone stayed in the lump in my ass and isn’t working?  Which means our tiny miracle is dying.

I’m crazy, right?  Even if I have a lump in my ass, the progesterone is surely working, right?

Worked totally sucked today.  I mean really sucked.  (Do I sound like a broken record?)  Sucked to the point where I wanted to get up, walk into my boss’s office and be like, ‘listen here, I’m leaving, bye’.  But then I remembered I like to shop, and eat, and buy Kona cute toys.  So yes, I’m still employed.  But really.  I sat at my desk all day updating PowerPoint slides for presentations I’m not sure will ever take place.  Yes, 8 hours of updating slides.  Okay, to be fair, the charts came from Excel, but that’s just as boring!  There has to be more to life than hating 8 hours of everyday, right?  I keep telling myself, only 286 more days, but honestly, that doesn’t make me feel any better.  It makes me feel as though I’m treading water, wasting away the next 9 months of my life.  Granted, if baby is due June 1st, that leaves only 257 days.  But still too many!  How do I give up the idea of needing a stable, well-paying job to feel responsible?  I’m able to work, I should be working, right?  But it’s not like anyone else is going to hire me if they know I’m leaving this area in 9 months…  But oh, the thought of going back tomorrow, of opening those same PowerPoint files…  I’d much rather have another egg retrieval tomorrow!  That’s bad, right??

I could really use some comfort from Eric right now, but of course, he’s still at work.  I texted him around 5pm and he still hadn’t even started the last surgical case of the day, so I don’t expect him home anytime soon.  Oh, the glamorous life of a doctor’s wife, right?  Sitting home alone…  And to think I actually cooked tonight!  Check out this recipe for Honey Barbecue Meatloaf.  It was tasty and easy!

Stay tuned for more pee stick updates!

27 thoughts on “Wishful Thinking

  1. OMG I love you. You are just as irrational as I am but it all totally makes sense! I overthink everything and obsess about every.little.thing and use Dr. Google who just makes me even more crazy!!! I need to try that recipe – yum!

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      1. I know! I have a friend who doesn’t google anything…just a free spirit who trusts that everything will be fine. I can’t even imagine 🙂

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  2. I can relate to this post all around (except my husband is a farmer). Keep an eye on that PIO bump. I’ve heard sometimes they can abscess. Hasn’t happened to me but if it gets bigger, let your nurse know.

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      1. This made me LOL. Nine months seems like forever to stick out a job that you hate and that you know you are leaving. Do you work in a sort of job where you can quit and do some part-time consulting?

        Hoping that BFP is coming for you soon!

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  3. My ass and hips are like sand dunes, they are so full of lumps after 3 straight months of PIO shots, and my little dude is ok and my levels are always good. . . Just for some comfort! Hoping you get a line tomorrow!

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  4. i’ve definitely had some soreness from the PIO in some spots, just figured it wasn’t quite the right spot, but massaging a good minute or two with the gauze then using the heating pad on it (i found one on amazon that you can tie around your waist) while i finish getting ready in the morning has helped. hope the lump goes down soon!

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  5. Keep the job for the following reasons: 1)$$$$ to buy that little miracle the wardrobe he/she deserves!!! 2) once prego brain sets in you will welcome the day to just update power points! 3) you would have more time to make yourself crazy!!! Sorry about your ass. Prayers and positive thoughts headed your way!

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