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9w0d

I’m convinced time is standing still. I’m only 9 weeks pregnant, still 8 days until my first OB appointment, and 216 until our due date, June 1st. No idea how many days until Christmas, but not enough since I’ve yet to buy even one gift. But, I did just purchase a fetal doppler. I know very little about these, so I simply picked one that sounded good!

My days feel incredibly long since deciding to officially stay working full-time. For now. Awful co-worker N thinks I’m staying until May 15th when he returns from paternity leave. HA. Okay, I actually have no idea when I’ll decide enough is enough and officially give my notice. But I have a strange feeling it will be before May 15th. My work continues to dwindle, and as month-end approaches, my normal busy time, I’m reminded that even those tasks will be given away this month. So far I’ve resisted the urge to start a baby registry, during working hours, but honestly, if I’m not given a new project soon, I will resort to such activities. I simply can’t sit at my desk 40 hours a week with no work. It’s cruel and unusual punishment as far as I’m concerned! I’ve made a point to get up and walk often, but even those breaks don’t seem to make the time pass quickly enough.

We made an offer on a lot last week and accepted their counter last Friday morning. And we should be hearing back from our builder soon with his drafter’s first take on our main level design. I expect changes, but hopefully they included all our must haves. Apparently the second level and basement come later and are easier. I’m excited to see what they have in mind. I’m hoping I love it so we can quickly move onto the next steps! Pinterest overwhelms me with house ideas, although it would be a great work pastime…

I’ve refrained from reading infertility blogs this past week… I miss the updates, but at the same time, there is some peace in not hearing the constant heartbreak. I get the process is hard, I really do, but reading the same posts over and over, of everyone picking up the pieces… Well, it’s just too depressing for me right now. I was there, I wrote those words too. It was a healing process for me, and I assume for them now too. But right now, I need something more uplifting, something that spreads hope rather than despair. I’ll get back into reading them, I will, I miss their updates, but as we’ve all learned, we need to take care of ourselves sometimes.

Speaking of which… I finished two books recently, Firefly Lane by Kristin Hannah, and the second book in the series, Fly Away by the same author. I highly recommend both books, truly two of the best I’ve read in quite some time. I won’t spoil them for you, but let me just say, they tell a beautiful story of lifelong friendship. In fact, they really got me thinking about my own friendships… Looking into my own life I certainly don’t have any one friend I’ve known since I was very young. And while I understand these books are works of fiction, I have to think such friendships exist.

If you pulled up the text messaging screen on my phone you’d find 24 contacts with ongoing conversations, only two being professional, my realtor and a tenant. The rest I consider friends and/or family. But do I? Perhaps I’m confusing acquaintances with true friends. What constitutes a friend? How does one define a friendship? My intentions with all 22 personal text contacts are well-meaning, but can friends carry on just through texts? I’ll be the first to admit that I rarely see these friends in person. But why? I claim I’m so busy, but am I? I mean, yes, I keep myself busy, I find activities to fill my days, even if some days those activities are cleaning and laundry. We get so stuck in our ways though… Well, I do at least. I certainly could have called a friend and made plans to grab dinner or even just dessert Saturday night, but instead Eric and I chilled on the couch, watching mind-numbing TV until 8:30pm when I could no longer keep my eyes open. Granted, he and I don’t get nearly enough time together, so I welcome evening’s home with him, but at the same time, I miss my friends too. Where is the balance? How does one do it all? And with a baby on the way, everyone tells me children will make friendships even harder. Do I see my friends so seldom now because they all have children; they are all busy with their kids and husbands? Will that be me come next June?

4 thoughts on “9w0d

  1. The first trimester was soooo sloooow for me, but once I hit 12 weeks, it started speeding up. I think knowing from the first possible second – as we do with IVF – drags things out in a new and excrutiating way!
    As for friends – I have been working on cultivating my friendships during pregnancy (with both parent and non-parent friends) because I saw how isolated my sister-in-law was after she had my nephew, and I want to keep the people I love in my life. I hope you find a balance that works for you too!

    1. Thank you, I hope so too 🙂

  2. I haven’t been on here in MONTHS! So happy to see this post! 👯👯👯

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