Christmas 2014 – Eric’s Side

The holidays always tend to bring about much reminiscing…  Reflecting back on accomplishments, how life has changed, for better or worse, our dreams for the future…  But since you read my blog, you already know all that.  So instead, allow me to share my holiday ‘experience’.  Close family, don’t say I didn’t warn you… I promised this blog would also be 100% honest, so here goes!

Oh where to begin.  In chronological order I suppose.

Eric’s family almost always picks to celebrate the weekend before Christmas.  This bothers me for several reasons.  First though, in my efforts to be more positive, I’ll start there…  I do understand they pick days other than the 24th and 25th to celebrate as to accommodate other celebrations.  But for the love of God, why does my last available weekend to finish Christmas shopping always have to be spent in Fort Dodge??  I need those last two days for last minutes items!  Couldn’t we celebrate one of the weekends after Christmas??

And now, onto my complaining…

Just let me say it.  I don’t enjoy traveling to Fort Dodge for Christmas each year.  Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy seeing Eric with his family, as I know how much he misses them during the year, and the more I get to know my sister-in-law the more I enjoy her company and wish we had more time together, but the overall experience of the holidays with Eric’s side stresses me out none the less.  In no particular order:

  • To me, Fort Dodge is already the middle of nowhere, but his parent’s don’t even live in Fort Dodge, well, not by my estimate, as a gravel road is required travel to reach their home.
  • Because they live in the middle of nowhere, once we arrive, we’re stuck there, for days, eating, showering, watching TV, going to bed, and repeating.  There are very few days I don’t leave my own home, so to be encased in theirs for days is very odd to me.
  • Their toilets don’t flush properly.  No seriously, I swear to God you pee, use one square of toilet paper, and even that won’t flush.  WTF?
  • The one shower we all share is nothing more than a dribble of water.  I could probably spit a greater amount of liquid onto myself for cleaning purposes.
  • For whatever reason, Eric finds himself much more ‘at home’ at his parent’s house and thus proceeds to openly fart and burp for the entirety of our stay while his mother laughs.  Nothing about this is funny to me.
  • Once during our stay we are expected to travel (so I guess we do get out of our cages for a few hours) to Eric’s grandparent’s home to celebrate with an aunt, uncle, cousins, and their children.  That such gathering is even more uncomfortable…  Something about Eric’s mother pissing off the aunt years ago and thus they apparently dislike me by association, or so it feels.  And don’t even get me started on the food there.
  • The bed in Eric’s childhood room is so uncomfortable he won’t sleep on it, and thus sleeps out on the couch when we visit, leaving me alone to fend for myself.
  • This childhood room though is one of only about five rooms I’ve ever viewed in the house.  I wonder what is hidden away I can’t see…
  • The fake bird in the main bathroom is really starting to creep me out.  I don’t like being watched while I pee.
  • I feel like keeping silk flower arrangements in the fireplace is a bad idea…

Shall we move onto gifts?

  • Eric received underwear from his mother.  Again.  I have issues with this.  The man is 33 years old.  He is fully capably of purchasing his own boxers.  What bothers me even more than the fact that his mother buys him boxers each year though is the fact that he sees no issue with it.  In fact, he swears it’s different from if my dad bought me panties.  WHICH HE DOESN’T, CAUSE THAT WOULD BE WEIRD.
  • How many regular-sized, considering I’m pregnant, Columbia fleece jackets does one girl need?  Apparently multiple.
  • If you’re going to buy someone sheets, shouldn’t you ask what size bed they have?
  • Why even box a gift if you aren’t going to wrap it?

I really could go on and on, but for the sake of Eric’s mother ever reading this (God help me) I best stop here.  I’m retitling this to “Eric’s Side” as my own family Christmas will need a separate post all its own 😉  And don’t worry, my own family is just as crazy and weird as Eric’s, there is no discriminating here!

7 thoughts on “Christmas 2014 – Eric’s Side

  1. You crack me up! Your descriptions are perfect and hilarious. The bird in the bathroom might be my favorite. I’m glad you survived the visit. Maybe next year they will have to come to you since you will have a baby. That way you can sleep in your own bed, take a shower with good water pressure, and not be watched by an artificial bird while you pee.

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  2. Lol…you crack me up! Next time you’re in fort dodge and bored just venture 45 minutes south and come visit me lol. I can totally relate though. – sounds like trips to my in-laws where I feel trapped for days. There is NOTHING to do in South Dakota!

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