21w4d ~ Crap All the Way Around

This is just a crap day all the way around.

For starters, today, January 23rd, is our original due date of the two embryos we transferred from our first egg retrieval, of which one implanted but passed at seven weeks. I wanted those babies, to know our family was complete, that future IVF cycles weren’t in our future. But God has other plans for us it seems.

Eric actually finished work early today and met me for lunch just a bit ago. It’s rare we have the opportunity to meet for lunch, but in this instance it wasn’t all that enjoyable. I broached the topic of building, as a decision needs to be made, and the sooner the better! And let’s just say the conversation didn’t end to my liking.

If the plans were completely up to me I’d move ahead with the closing on both the lot and construction loan and find a rental in Cedar Falls to begin sometime in June. I fully understand the risks of building, of the large project on our plate, and now the unknowns from a financial standpoint due to the low appraisal. But real estate is an investment, a good one in my opinion, and I’m willing to plan ahead, to save as best we can so that when the project is complete, we have enough cash upfront to close. And God willing, by some chance we don’t have enough cash I pray the bank works with us so we’re both left in the best possible position. As really, both of us will be on the line.

If the plans were completely up to Eric he’d close on just the lot now and wait to move ahead with any firm building plans until we have enough cash saved. He’s apparently comfortable starting to pay on the lot now, even though it would add essentially another house payment to our monthly expenses, plus takes a chunk of cash from us upfront as a down-payment due now. It’s doable though, not ideal, but doable.

I guess I just see this as a package deal, the house I mean. Why invest in land we can’t really afford now if he’s not set on when to start building? Why own something else we don’t need right now? He keeps saying, “This is already getting out of hand.” It actually pisses me off he keeps saying that, as the price hasn’t changed, and he was onboard with that all along. Yes, the bank can’t guarantee our loan amount now, which is a fairly large hiccup in our plans, but still, he can’t act like any of this is my fault.

I’m actually quite pissed overall, well maybe just more discouraged by our lunch conversation. I get the impression Eric wants what he wants, the lot, as he loves the lot. He isn’t willing to part with it. But he seems more than eager to part with the aspects that are important to me, mainly having a house to call home, hopefully by December. I don’t feel he is grasping what is truly in this move for me, as without a place to call home, I truly have nothing. This move was not my wish, heck, the location was barely even discussed with me. And on top of that, Eric can’t even tell me a date that we need to be moved. Is it so wrong that I want to make plans, find a rental and line it up ahead of time? He acts like this move is years away, but it’s not, it’s a few months away. And it’s not just us, we’re having a baby. Does he have any idea how much I’ll be dealing with? How not knowing our plan is truly upsetting me? Obviously he doesn’t. That was clear from our conversation today.

I feel like we’re back to square one, this move being all for Eric and his best interests. I feel like we’re disappointing the bank, our realtor, drafter, and builder, as they’ve all put a lot of time and effort into this project so far, too much for it all to end so soon.

2 thoughts on “21w4d ~ Crap All the Way Around

  1. Hugs to you on what would have been the due date from your first transfer. What would have already been a tough day for you sounds like it was exacerbated by the home building discussion. I’ll be thinking about you ❤

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