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Dreams

Ironic that I kept calling our building project my ‘dream home’ as its turning out to be just that, a dream…

Yesterday morning I emailed the bank, our realtor, and the builder to let them know, officially, that our building project is off, for the time being. I guess it’s more on hold, but for an undetermined amount of time. If you remember from my post late last week, the appraisal of our floor plans came in low, more than $100k less than what our builder set for the purchase price. That means, in a nutshell, we’d need about $200k in cash at closing instead of $85k or so that we had planned on. Yeah, not ideal, a long way from ideal actually. Technically the bank thinks we can save enough before closing when the project is complete, and I suppose we can based on current assets and future income expectations, but it is certainly not how we hoped this building project would turn out. So, after much discussion this weekend, Eric and I decided it’s best to wait to begin building until we have the cash set aside.

That said, not building now brings up its own set of issues and concerns. The following are my thoughts, in no particular order. Feel free to offer advice, although I’ll warn you now, this post may bore you, as it is really more for me to get my thoughts out in an attempt to make some decisions regarding our future.

  • Fear ~ This one feels the most obvious right now… We’re having a baby in four months, Eric is set to start his new position in five months, and yet I have no idea where we’ll be living then. I’ve mentioned this before, I’m such a planner, so obviously these unknowns invoke a lot of fear in me.
  • Relief ~ I can’t lie, as disappointed as I am that this project is now on hold, there is also some relief. The task of saving a large sum of money in a short period of time was stressful, and that obligation has now been lifted.
  • Guilt ~ Growing up I was always taught to follow through on your words, to finalize your commitments. I certainly don’t feel as though we’re following through this time. Granted, going into this project we had every intention of building, of this project being completed, and if it weren’t for the low appraisal, we’d still be heading forward with those plans, but there is still an element of guilt. I realize that all parties involved were counting on this project, as income for them, and us backing out is an obvious disappointment.
  • Land ~ If we are still planning to build in the future, the issue becomes land, as it was extremely difficult to find an available, suitable lot for this build. Forgoing the purchase of that now could make building in the future even more difficult. I spoke with our realtor this morning and he suggested adding a 24-hour clause to our offer on the lot, meaning we push out the closing date, say until June, and if another party makes an offer we’d have 24 hours to either agree to move ahead with the purchase, or forgo the land and allow the other party to purchase it. Eric and I need to discuss this a bit more, but I’m leaning toward no on this option. As much as it scares me to have to locate another lot in the future, I just don’t see us purchasing land until we’re ready to begin building. And since we don’t know when that will be, maybe December, maybe the following December, is it really fair to keep a hold on this lot? We’ve already pushed back the closing three months as we worked to finalize floor plans, the current owners must be at their wit’s end by now.
  • Life on Hold ~ For the past five years I’ve felt very much like my life was on hold. Eric and I met the first week of his six-year residency and within a year I knew my future would be with him.   That future though always felt like it had a start date, the day he would complete training and begin his career. That time is now just 155 days away, and I’m not excited to add another 400+ to that number. Finishing residency represented so much to me, but mainly to finally feel settled together and now as a family as we’ll welcome our daughter soon. I imagined moving into our forever home, finally feeling it was worth decorating and truly making it feel like a home. Our current house has never really felt like home, as I knew it had an end date. Why spend time and money decorating, making it ours, as it truly never would be? The thought of moving again, to something else temporary breaks my heart. I so wanted to decorate a nursery, but that’s not very feasible if we end up renting something for the time being.  I have a much greater desire to purchase, but does that make sense for only a year or two? I suppose it has its advantages, but we could end up losing a lot of cash on the sale when we are ready to build.
  • Excitement ~ All along I’ve been searching for something in this move to excite me. It’s no secret that isn’t the location, so instead I’ve been focusing on this building project. If building isn’t happening now though, where do I look? I did browse online, very quickly, in the hopes of finding a house we could easily purchase now while we wait to build, thinking that might excite me. I found one of interest, and wouldn’t you know, it’s the work of our builder. I guess I really do like his style! It’s small though, much smaller than our current home. I was so looking forward to finally hosting Christmas, to perhaps having space for guests to stay over. That certainly isn’t going to happen in a three-bedroom two-bath home. Well, unless our guests want to sleep in the garage!

Ultimately it comes down to this… I need to feel settled and at-home once we move, especially since we’ll have a newborn, but I’m currently unsure of how to make that happen. I realize a gorgeous home does not make a happy family, but I do believe enjoying the space where you spend the majority of your time can have a huge impact on your mood. We still have a few months until our baby girl is due and this move… I can only hope we’ll come to some conclusions soon that suit both Eric and me, giving us both something to look forward to in the coming year.

9 thoughts on “Dreams

  1. I can’t even imagine the flood of emotions you are going through! Everything happens for a reason though!!

    1. You’re right, I’m always telling people that, so I should be reminding myself of that right now. Thank you!

  2. I understand your frustration when your dreams don’t seem to be turning into a reality however the new home you are looking at certainly can “entertain” and “sleep” guests…1700 sq feet is plenty big enough. It’s how you look at it…life is an adventure…just roll with it. And remember…wasn’t your ultimImate “dream” to have a baby? So maybe dreams do come true!

  3. Are there any new construction developments where you could build? Maybe in a development it’d be much easier to appraise and you wouldn’t risk over-spending for your city?

    Our house is semi-custom in a neighborhood that we adore. Maybe that is an option for you guys?

    1. This was in a new development with other newer homes, many currently in the building process. I think we were just planning something a bit more expensive than the average home in the area. I guess this just gives me something to look forward to in the future 🙂

      1. That’s crazy that there aren’t any developments near your price point! I don’t live in a super expensive area but there are multiple new construction neighborhoods in that range. Guess that is a difference between Iowa and NC!

        1. Yes, another reason I wanted out of Iowa!

  4. I am sorry things have not turned out as you had hoped. I really hear your disappointment and other feelings. I hope that things come to light in the coming weeks and months that allow you some peace and grounding when little girl arrives and rearranges all of your priorities. Hugs meanwhile!

    1. You’re right, I assume my priorities will rearrange once baby is born 🙂

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