Today has been a mix of emotions. I’m very scared for Nora, and sad too. I want her to live a full life as a healthy, happy, normal kid. But I fear that reality is slowly being ripped away.
I’ve been at the hospital today since around 7:30am. I was here last night untill after 11pm, and with pumping so often, even during the night, I’m drained. I need more sleep tonight or I’ll be no good to my baby girl.
Speaking of getting up in the middle of the night… The lactation consultant told me I’m a pumping rockstar, as I’ve been getting 25-30 oz each day. In fact, my supply is so great that I can now cut back to every three hours!!!
So far today we’ve met with neonatologists, pediatric neurologists, and infectious disease specialists. They all give us a similar version of the story… Nora is very sick, but she’s in great hands. Our first priority is to fight off the infection (bacterial meningitis) in her brain and spinal cord. She’s getting high doses of several antibiotics, so now we wait She’ll be on the antibiotics for at least three weeks, maybe longer. The doctor’s actually expected her to have a rough night last night, even warning us they may need to intubate, but thankfully she had a great night. Well, great for all things considered.
As hard as it is to watch her in pain, I’m more worried about her long-term outcome. Several doctors have explained the risks to us, ranging from hearing loss, to issues with learning and development. For the time being I’m a bit in denial, not wanting to think that Nora’s brain is damaged. Her neurologic exam today went well, which is a good sign. Her pupils were reactive, she is sucking on her binkie, she will grasp your finger… all good things.
Either this Friday or Monday an MRI of her brain will be done to check for bleeding or other signs of damage. And she’s being watched extra carefully for any seizure activity. Both would be signs of more complicated issues in her future.
So for now I pray. And love her. And try to comfort her, although at times that feels rather impossible without the luxury of holding her. It’s so difficult just to stand by her bed and watch…
Thank you so much for the emails, texts, Facebook messages, blog comments… They are all so wonderful. And I apologize if I haven’t gotten back to you. As much as I love the support, sometimes the amount of responses are overwhelming to me. Please know your prayers and thoughts are much appreciated. I’ll update again when I know more.