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Day of Life 15

Seriously, how is Nadia 15 days old already???  I guess with so much going on I kind of miss how the days are turning into weeks.

Eric took Nora to his mother’s house today, I think just to keep her company now that the wake and funeral are over and most of the family has left town.  I assume it’s now and the following weeks that will be the hardest for her, being alone in their home…  Here is a video Eric took of Nora there this morning :). She must think that stuffed animal is another Kona!

So with Nora occupied with Eric, I’m in Iowa City with Nadia.  I held her for an entire hour!!!  I know, probably doesn’t seem like long to most mommies, but being before today I’d held her a total of 30 minutes…  Well, this was heaven!  Here are a few pictures.  I’m not sure if it’s just the setting of the NICU, or if Nadia really does look a lot like Nora…

Clinically Nadia is doing fantastic. Up to 4 lbs 3 oz, they are back to feeding her, and even increasing her feeds today.  Her blood culture came back negative, but we’re still waiting on urine cultures.  Worst case, she has a UTI and they just make sure the antibiotics she is still on are the correct ones.  She’s still on a tiny bit of oxygen, and she does forget to breath from time to time, but normal for a preemie and thankfully none of the ‘spells’ have been severe enough to be noted in her chart.

Since they are slowly increasing feeds, we can’t attempt breastfeeding until she’s up to a certain amount, and showing signs of hunger at mealtime.  No idea when that will be…  

So Nadia appears amazing.  But I can’t help but still be terrified for her regarding the lack of oxygen discovered on her brain MRI.  The plan is to do another brain MRI around a week before expected discharge.  I’m not sure what exactly they expect to see at that point…  All anyone wants is for their child to be healthy and happy, ‘normal’ I guess, right?  But it’s so hard when they can’t tell me what we expect of Nadia.  The waiting and seeing is killing me.  Like will we just wake up in a year and notice she can’t do something?  What if there is no therapy or solution for her issues?  Were we too lucky with Nora, as she’s so wonderful after everything she went through in the NICU?  Will God make Nadia just as wonderful?  Or is that too much to ask, that two children are healed after traumatic events in the NICU?

So I sit here, in Nadia’s room, watching her sleep, wondering how many more days and weeks she’ll be here…  I realized when I got here today, as I was washing my hands in the ever so familiar hand-washing area, that this place holds so many horrible memories.  It’s so hard to be here, and yet agony to not be here with Nadia.  

Tomorrow my Thursday morning MOPs sitter starts again for the school year, even though MOPs doesn’t begin for a week yet.  We’re doing a test run, as lots has changed with Nora since Andrea spent time with her.  Is it weird I’m nervous to leave Nora all over again?  Like what if this sitter can’t get her to eat, or nap?  I know, it’s only four hours once a week.  Nora will not starve on Thursday mornings!  Everything just seems so overwhelming to me right now.  I’m going to try to run some errands tomorrow morning…

And then Friday we have our regular sitter who we love all day, so I think Eric and I will come back to Iowa City to see Nadia. With another home game here Saturday, we’re probably going to skip that day, and not sure about Sunday yet.  I long for the days when life feelings boring again, when I wake up, snuggle with my girls, and drink coffee while they play in the yard.  That will happen, right??

5 thoughts on “Day of Life 15

  1. It will happen. It will.

    1. I so want to believe you…

  2. Yes, you will sip coffee while watching the girls play. You’ll get there.

    1. I’m just so scared for Nadia… That she will never be a normal, healthy child due to her brain bleeds and lack of oxygen 🙁

  3. So glad you are getting a sitter to help you guys out! She is so adorable!!!

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