Residuals 

Eric and I are watching the Iowa game, at home, but my heart just isn’t in it. We took Nora for a walk this afternoon since the weather was beautiful, and while we were walking the nicu called. Nadia is acting completely fine but was having more feeding residuals than they’d like today. They decreased her feeds, I think to 12cc every 4 hours. Not the end of the world, Nora had a lot of residuals too, and I know it doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong, but you know how I assume the worst. 

This just sucks. Everyday sucks. I want her home. I want to know she’s going to be okay. I want what I feel like everyone else gets, a full term healthy baby. And yes, I realize that isn’t always the case, but it feels like it right now to me. Can’t I have that experience just once??

I’m going to see Nadia tomorrow, but part of me dreads walking into her room, scared to hear any bad news from her nurse…

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