Another day, and with it, more worries and concerns. I feel bad, like this blog is turning into one big sob fest. I keep telling myself, in the end, all will be okay. But it’s getting to the end that is the hard part. Like, I know that as Nadia gets bigger and older some of her issues will go away, but it’s so hard to remember that right now when every day seems like another hurdle.
Nadia is still in bay 2. Eric went to see her today while I stayed home with Nora. And let me tell you, Nora was a handful, but it did take my mind off the worry I feel for Nadia. Lets just say, Nora napped for all of 40 minutes, so she was moody by 5pm. Thankfully she is sleeping now.
So far Nadia had only one occurrence of Supraventricular tachycardia (SVT), basically a very fast heart-rate. So far we know her electrocardiogram (EKG) was normal, and we’re still waiting on the results of the echocardiogram which was done this afternoon. One of the pediatric cardiologists did stop by and talk with Eric today… Apparently in preemies, even if they only have one of these episodes, they treat the condition for the first year of life with regular follow-up appointments. Awesome, cause we don’t already have enough specialists to see. The treatment is a medication, propranolol, an oral solution. Sounds simple enough, except that it needs to be given four, yes 4 times a day, for a year. OMG. It better have a better flavor than those vitamin drops I gave up on giving Nora on her second day home from the NICU!
Nadia is still having some feeding residuals so they have decided to put her feeds on a pump to slow down the rate at which they flow through her feeding tube into her stomach. Currently the entire feed flows in by gravity, which means the entire feed is complete within a few minutes. The pump will space it out over hours at a time, depending on the size of the feeds. If I remember correctly they did this with Nora and it helped a lot. They are still considering doing a barium enema to check for strictures within her digestive system, but no word on when.
Why do I feel like every day is a new horror, adding worry to my already overflowing brain? They haven’t even checked her eyes yet! That will be the next thing… Please God… Why does this have to be so hard? So much of me feels like it’s my fault she was born early. My body failed, for whatever reason. And because of that, both my daughters have a number of medical problems. I hate they will both see so many specialists. I hate they will both be subjected to more tests and procedures than the average child. I hate that when I look at Nora’s hands and feet I see scars from IV and PICC lines, and I assume I’ll see the same on Nadia’s. It just makes me so, so sad.
I was able to sleep last night, but how, I don’t know. I pray the NICU doesn’t call tonight…
Our regular Tuesday sitter is here tomorrow, so I think Eric and I will both head down to see Nadia tomorrow. I miss her dearly, but as I’ve mentioned before, seeing her makes me sad sometimes. Or maybe it’s more that just being at the University is scary for me, all the bad memories and such.
I pray Nadia is home, and healthy, soon.