Day of Life 36

First, an update on Miss Nadia. She’s doing well, I think. More on the I think part later. Weight is 5 lbs 14 oz I think. She’s been taking two bottles every 24 hours, and of those, usually taking about 2/3 of each feeding from them, and then the rest still through her tube. So we’re slowly getting better in that arena. Still on oxygen, and I need to ask again for them to explain to me… I thought she was barely on any, but I swear today she was on .25L of 100% oxygen, which seems like a lot to me, since normally she was on 21%, which is room air. I’m hoping there isn’t an issue with her lungs that I just don’t know about yet. Only other update I know about is that they decreased her SVT medication from 4 times a day to 3 times a day, although I don’t know the dose change, or even if it changed. Perhaps just a scheduling change. I’ll worry about that when she’s home and I’m in charge of giving the meds.

As for me, I was in a TERRIBLE mood all day. I suspect it has to do with the fact that I haven’t been able to see Nadia since last Saturday because of this awful cold I’m battling. I think I’m actually on the mend, so hopefully I can see Nadia on Friday and then again on Sunday, as there is another home football game on Saturday. The I think part to how Nadia is doing is because Eric went to visit her today, and I feel like he never really gives me the whole story. Not that he hides stuff from me, but more that he just knows and understands it all, but since I don’t, I ask the nurses a lot of questions when I’m there visiting.

In addition to not being able to see Nadia, I’ve been pissy about other stuff too… Part of me feels like everything is just so sucky right now. Postpartum depression? I’m already on meds for that, why aren’t they working?? Feel free to skip the bullet points of my complaints:

  • I hate pumping. No seriously. I hate getting up several times a night to a pump and every few hours during the day, instead of a sweet, or screaming baby. On the plus side though, my Ameda Platinum rental arrived today, and I love it!
  • What mom has to be away from her five week old baby for almost a week? Yes, I hate the NICU rules. I mean, I get it, and it’s worth it to keep Nadia and the other babies healthy, but I still hate it.
  • I hate we’ve spent three months so far in the NICU between Nora and Nadia. I hate the NICU. I hate my body spits out children early.
  • I hate that I feel like nobody understands how bad this situation sucks. Notice I said I feel like, as I totally understand that many of you reading do know how badly the NICU sucks. Some days though it’s hard to remember others get it. I often just feel like I’m stuck in this sucky situation all alone.
  • I hate that I have no idea when Nadia is coming home. My personal hope is still set for October 15th, but that’s quickly approaching, and I so hope I’m not disappointed.
  • I hate that I think I’m addicted to my iPhone and/or Facebook. I feel like every time I’m stressed, which is always, I grab my phone. I hate that so much of my time with Nora involves me looking at my phone. Same goes for my time with Nadia, what little time that is lately. Of course, I’m often taking pictures, but then I get sucked into posting them, and replying to comments, and oh, you know how it goes.
  • I hate that my cleaning ladies act like I’m a spoiled, lazy bum. Or maybe I’m afraid they think that of me. Or maybe I’m afraid I am that. The two that were here today were especially quiet with me. Normally they will chat my ear off, but today I totally got the impression they were wondering why I was just hanging out watching them clean my house. I need to start leaving when they’re here…
  • I hate that my cleaning ladies (I swear) never actually clean the master shower…
  • I hate that my phone will only take 10 pictures and then is full. I don’t need the new iPhone, but damn it’s annoying to have to upload pictures before I can take more. (I know, 1st world problems.)

Okay, sorry, I’ll stop complaining now. Just a crappy day. Well, actually, I shouldn’t say that, Nora and I hung out and she made me laugh more times than I can count. She really is super fun. Even if she screamed for naps… We ran a few errands and she was giggling at all the people we encountered. She is something else! So yes, it was a good day, just so hard not seeing Nadia. Tomorrow is MOPs, and I think it’s good for me to go, to spend a few hours with other moms in this area, forge friendships and such. And I probably do need one more day to get healthier. I can make it one more day without seeing Nadia…

    8 thoughts on “Day of Life 36

    1. Hope your get to see Nadia soon and that she continues to improve! Have you considered moving back to the Iowa City area? You’d be close for care, etc.

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    2. I’m so sorry you’re feeling down. The roller coaster NICU ride, taking care of a toddler, and being away from your baby takes its toll on a momma’s heart. Venting is so good for you…don’t apologize for how you feel. ❤ Hoping you are sweet Nadia very soon. Some snuggle time will do your heart and mind some good. 🙂

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