Catching Up…

I don’t even know the last time I posted an update… Feels like forever… So here are random thoughts, feelings, updates, you name it, in no particular order, as my brain feels a mess of mixed feelings and ideas right now…

  • I’m way behind on taking and posting the girls weekly/monthly photos. It’s on my to do list for tomorrow.
  • Speaking of my to do list, I keep adding to it, and pushing everything off until the following day. Such is life I suppose.
  • My mom was here this past week to help me with the girls, which was wonderful. Starting tomorrow, I’m on my own. Ugh.
  • Nora is seriously adorable with her dolls since watching me with Nadia. She does pretty much everything I do, changes their diapers, puts them in the car seat, feeds them, pats their backs to burp them, wraps them in blankets, puts them in the swing, etc. I’m shocked at how fast she picks up on everything. I feel like if she watches me do something once she’s immatating it perfectly.
  • I hate breastfeeding. I don’t think there is enough space on this blog to explain it all. For some reason I thought babies were supposed to be comforted by breastfeeding. Nadia cries. A lot. And pulls away. She’s hard to burp, pulls her legs up to her belly like she is in pain, spits up a lot sometimes, is very gassy, basically she just always seems uncomfortable during and after a feeding. Same goes for when I pump and bottle feed her. Although I think I may still prefer that, as it’s easier to get a bottle into a crying baby than it is your breast. And it doesn’t help she is still young and thus learning to suck.
  • The online breastfeeding support group is telling me I need to give up dairy to make Nadia feel better. I seriously have no idea what I would eat for meals. There is dairy in everything, even things that aren’t blantently dairy. What can I eat, how careful would I need to be? Can I just try a non-dairy formula first and if that helps then make the commitment to give up dairy? Or is that being a crappy mom, thinking of myself first?
  • Nadia’s newborn photo shoot was last Thursday. Nora was in a few of the pictures and I seriously can’t wait to see the proofs!! I think they are going to be really good!
  • I had my post-baby check up, with a new OB here in town. Oddly, he works a lot with Eric in the OR as he is a Uro-gynecologist.  So that’s weird. I hope we never see him out and decide to have drinks together! Side note, we discussed my short cervix, and his wife has the same issue, as they had twins at 25 weeks. He checked my cervix at my appointment last week and confirmed its still short, whereas it should have lengthen by now. So basically lots to consider if we really want to transfer our frozen embryo at some point in the future.
  • I’m terribly overwhelmed with two kids under two. What the heck was I thinking?? I want to hire some help but feel like a failure if I do, as I don’t work outside the home. I should be able to handle two kids. But Nora is really like a 17 month-old, still a baby herself in some ways. Just hard when they both need me so much and neither understand how to wait… or communicate. 
  • Nadia will go 4 hours at night between feedings, but it takes me sometimes over an hour to calm her after a feeding, so I end up awake with her for sometimes two hours for a feeding in the middle of the night. I’m tired. Always tired. Coffee is my friend. And how do I enjoy my fun coffee drinks without dairy??? Don’t take that away from me!
  • Will life ever feel calm and normal again? I feel stuck at home when it’s just me with the girls, as I’m nervous to take them anywhere alone just yet. But then it depresses me thinking that I can’t go anywhere anymore. And with winter coming, well, can’t even really go for walks.
  • So much laundry. So much poop. Nadia’s poop will sometimes spray across the room. Is that normal???
  • Speaking of spraying across the room, my milk does that sometimes. Is that normal??
  • One of these days I will put my maternity clothing away.
  • One of these days maybe we’ll actually use Nadia’s bedroom. She screams so much and so loudly that once Nora is in bed each evening, I feel like I have to hang out in the master or downstairs so Nadia’s crying doesn’t wake up Nora.
  • I need my hair trimmed. But when. And how, with two kids? Eric was out of town this past weekend and he’s on call this coming weekend…
  • How do people go to the dentist? I haven’t been in over a year. Take Nadia?
  • I called the daycare, the one who put us on a waiting list before Nora was even born. So yes, over 19 months ago we were added to the wait list, and still there are 17 kids ahead of us. So much for me going back to work, as we don’t even have care for Nora, and I guess I should have had Nadia added to the wait list.
  • Or, do I look for more full time care to come to our home? I’m so torn, liking the convenience of having someone come here, where the girls are comfortable in their own environment, but then sometimes feeling like they need to socialize with other children too. 
  • We have our favorite sitter pretty much every Tuesday and then some Fridays, but still, the days I’m alone here feel hard. I rarely find time to shower, or eat. Maybe I’ll get super skinny!
  • I feel awful that I haven’t made more time for friends lately. The days just seem to fly by, and although I think of my friends often, I rarely actually reach out to them. I wish I was better with that.
  • The girls are both sleeping, it’s after 10pm, I guess I should try to rest. I’m hoping to be better about posting more often in the days and weeks to come…

A few pictures currently saved on my phone 😉

      14 thoughts on “Catching Up…

      1. Hey Stef, both Brynlee and now Brooke breastfed that same way at times (crying, bobbing from my breast, etc) I never really knew exactly why but I think part of it is bc there is so much breast milk coming out at once, sometimes spraying and with Nadia being so young right now, it might be hard for her to keep up. When I am more full I pump a little bit before feeding Brooke and the feedings go better as far as her bobbing and crying. You might try it and see if things go better. You will still have let downs and those might still be hard for her but she is still learning so I would say totally normal. Keep trying and it gets better, I promise!!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Ok you need to see a lactation consultant about the breastfeeding. It sounds to me (your milk sprays) that you have a really forceful letdown and that is why she pulls off. Also, the foremilk (the initial milk) has more lactose in it than the hindmilk, which can really irritate their tummy. Google these things, go on the le leche league website, look for a le leche league group near you & go to a meeting or just contact a group leader & soeak with them. I think expressing some of your milk before latching Nadia for a feeding might help and you might not need to give up dairy. I gave up dairy, but I would still eat stuff that had a little bit in it (like if it was an ingredient in chocolate or bread), so if you need to you could try that. I only had to do it for a few weeks. I also gave BG zantac for reflux at that time. There are lots of potential solutions besides quitting breastfeeding! Don’t listen to a bunch of women online just telling you to give up dairy. XOXO


      3. It’s OK that the to-do list never ends.
        It’s OK if breastfeeding doesn’t work for you. Bottles are fine. Formula is fine.
        It’s OK to want/have help (I only have one kid and don’t know what I would do if my husband worked the hours yours does).
        It’s OK to want your coffee drinks. Try formula if you want to and/or ask your doctor if dairy is really the likely issue (if you give up every food they say might affect breast milk you’ll have nothing left to eat)
        It’s OK to hire someone to come to your home full time if that works for you. Kids can socialize lots of ways other than daycare (playgroups, the library, each other). A full time sitter could take them out to places.
        Doctors advice never hurts, but spraying (milk, poop, spit up) all normal. Had them all.
        The friends that matter will still be there in a month (or six) and they will understand.
        For getting out in winter with babies I recommend a down bunting bag (or in your case 2). We have this one:

        It’s worth every penny.
        It’s OK if you have to work up to getting out with two. It’s hard enough with one.
        Things will feel more calm and normal with time. They won’t always need you so much.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I think my comment went AWOL. Let’s try again. Is it possible Nadia is intolerant of dairy or has reflux (many preemies do, can’t recall if Nora did)? Her behaviour after eating isn’t normal and not your fault. Poor her. Poor you.

        I love the photos. They’re both looking great. Sorry it’s so hard on you at the moment.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. I agree with the first comment.. sounds like reflux. My first daughter had it… that’s exactly how she would act… she cried during and after feedings.. spit up a lot … screamed… id get her some medicine for reflux.. after finally doing that with my daughter she was a completely different kid… it’s worth it for your sanity.. maybe she’d enjoy breastfeeding once that’s taken care of.. I can’t feed my new baby enough so I’ve gone with formula feeds. So you’re blessed you have a good supply.
        I myself hate. Breastfeeding because I don’t make enough! So she screams at the breast after feeding her for a while.. because I run out.. gas drops worked okay with my first but I’ll tell you getting her medicine was a huge change! You will eventually go out and I can tell you your friends understand why you can’t go out just yet. Hugs


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