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We were discharged this afternoon after all test results came back normal. Still waiting on blood and urine cultures though. 

Doctor’s suggestion for now is to eliminate the obvious dairy items in my diet and follow up with our pediatrician on Monday. (Awesome. Another appointment I have to take both kids to alone.)

Personally I think it’s acid reflux, but the doctor seemed against trying medication as the first line of treatment. 

Nadia seemed better overnight and this morning. Fussy but not screaming like she was in pain as she had been the past few days. 

We arrived home around 2 this afternoon and at 3 I fed her. And she screamed like she was hurting. I’m at a total loss on how to help her. And frustrated beyond belief that we’re home with no solution. Even after the doctors heard her cry and agreed it wasn’t normal newborn behavior. 

I’m exhausted as I haven’t slept more than an hour at a time for the past two days. The nurses were in every hour for vitals on Nadia! Nora wants my attention and I have no idea when Eric will be home from work tonight. 

Why does this feel impossible? Nora is climbing on me for attention. She is currently smearing her Doritos fingers all over the house. I’m too tired to care. 

12 thoughts on “Home

  1. I wish I knew what to say but I don’t. You definitely have your hands full and deserve to have some help. I hate that you don’t have any answers for Nadia at the moment. I have a feeling I’ll be messaging you a lot over the next two weeks as we are less than a week away from baby boy’s arrival.

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      1. I will! Yes, I can’t even begin to imagine but I will soon. I thought I was ready for #2 but let’s be honest, I don’t think I am. I’m not ready for sleepless nights again. I told my husband we are done after this. My anxiety is too much right now. I’m even getting nervous about delivery next week because I keep thinking something could go wrong and take me away from Mackenzie. I think i need to have a conversation with my OB today about it, if anything to ease my fears.

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        1. Yes, I totally get that. Being back in the hospital with Nadia made me realize we need a plan for emergencies. Without family here we have no one to stay with Nora overnight if needed. I have so much stress right now. I need to find a way to relax…

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  2. Hugs mommy!! This is a tough deal. Do what you can with your diet but give yourself grace! 37 weeker I had to adjust my diet watching caffeine and dairy. My 30 weeker horrible reflux and went back and forth with several doctors including Iowa city transfer to get the meds correct, got her home adjusted to eating bottle and nursing all breast milk. We weaned off meds within 4 months. Trust your momma gut and push when needed! Remember as long as you are loving and feeding your girls you are doing great!!! I had a doctor tell me once that my two kids caused me more stress than her and I was doing great! Remember you are doing great!!

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  3. Let the mess go! And the laundry and the cooking. Survival is a victory so go for survival mode!! Sleep when you can and use sceeen time if you need to for Nora! Sounds like possible reflux which JD had. We tried two meds. Honestly not sure if either worked or if he just grew out of it. Make sure you are keeping her upright after eating. Trust your gut and accept whatever help you can!!! Hang in there mama

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  4. It feels impossible because it *is* impossible. A seriously reflux-y baby takes all your time and attention–and that “not normal” cry can drive people insane after a few hours. Also, many (most?) young toddlers aren’t self-entertaining for long (at least, not safely), and with a new sibling, and understandably stressed-out parents, Nora needs lots of extra hugs and snuggles and attention. There is just not enough of you to go around. This is not a criticism–I’m just stating a fact of life. It’s not you, it’s the situation. So if you can find good help, get it. There’s no point in feeling guilty about having help, or in thinking that other people can manage two on their own, so you should be able to, too. (Those people have different children, or different situations, or magic hats. Whatever. They’re not you, and they’re not living your life.)

    Just so you know where I’m coming from: I have 3.5 year old twins, and my son had severe reflux–he had that awful cry, and would sleep for 15 minutes, then scream for 90-120 minutes, repeat. After 5 weeks of pure hell, I went soy- and dairy-free, his supplemental formula was changed to Nutramigen or Alimentum, and although we saw a little improvement, we didn’t see real relief until we got his medication and dosages correct. B/c we went the slow incremental route (we were so sleep-deprived we weren’t thinking straight), my poor boy didn’t smile till 14 weeks, and it was a few weeks beyond that before he had a good morning (aka, a two hour span in which he seemed not completely miserable). In retrospect, we should have been far more aggressive with both my diet, the formula, and the medication. Yes, there are risks to giving medication to an infant (especially a preemie). But there are also risks to having insanely sleep-deprived parents, and to having an infant be in constant pain, too. Although my son is lovely now (and 95th percentile for weight…), he’s extremely anxious and a horrible sleeper. (This summer he woke hourly for 7 weeks.) We’ve had several doctors (ped, GI, ENT, dev ped, various therapists) tell us that the extraordinary pain my son was in likely wired his brain to be anxious (and wake frequently). I always wonder what my son would have been like, if we’d had the sense to just do everything possible right from the start….

    Even after we tweaked everything just so, we had to have a full-time nanny just to hold him (and my husband cut his work hours back from 12-14 hrs/day to 7(!))–my son could only sleep in an upright position on someone’s chest, and he still wasn’t getting enough sleep, so someone had to be available to hold him whenever he managed to fall asleep, for however long it took. Looking back, I wish we had hired another nanny, at least part-time. Does it sound insane to have 1-2 nannies for a family with only a set of twins? Yes. Should we have done it anyways? Yes. One nanny was always fully occupied with my son. My husband took him over when she left. I was pumping every 2-3 hours around the clock for at least the first 6 months…which meant my daughter had no one to snuggle and interact with her who wasn’t so exhausted they could barely smile. It was really sad.

    So: in the hope that you will not look back on Nadia’s infancy with nearly as much regret as I have for my children’s first year–please do whatever it takes to make your family’s life better (you are included in your family, btw!), whether it be acres of nannies, super-special formula, or a new ped who understands the need to give or change meds rapidly until you find the one that works.

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