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Last straw

Today might be the last straw. I can not live here any more. Can not.

  • Lack of shit in every category – Yesterday at 4pm I was looking for something to do as I had a sitter until 5pm. I seriously couldn’t find a place to go or something to do with a free hour of time. I went to Fareway to pick up groceries we really didn’t need.
  • Lack of healthcare options – I’ve been trying to get in with a therapist for over three months now as the one I was seeing when we moved here moved to Cedar Rapids. Finally one texted me back yesterday, said she was too busy to take on new patients but recommended another. I called this morning, that one isn’t taking new patients either.
  • Lack of decent real estate – Don’t even get me started on how we’ve been searching for a house since before we moved here.
  • Lack of available daycare – A part of me hates that we have someone come to our home to watch the girls. It forces me to leave as Nora clings to me if I’m home which means I just end up taking care of her. And ridiculous that we have been on a daycare waitlist here since I was pregnant with Nora. That was over two years ago.

My list could go on and on… But you get the idea.

And to add to my stress, the girls still have tons of appointments in Iowa City. I was just there. Nora has one Friday. Nadia has one Monday, the drive is wearing me out. And now with Nadia starting speech and physical therapy… which they still haven’t called me about…

And… Eric and I are at an impasse regarding his mother. I scheduled the girl’s baptisms for mid-August. I am not inviting her. He says she must be invited as she is his mother. How do we move forward when our wishes are complete opposites? I refuse to have my daughter’s baptism uncomfortable because of her presence. I am not ready to see her. I don’t see how this can work when I do not wish to have a relationship with her and he wishes to include her in everything regardless of her behavior and lack of acknowledgment.

16 thoughts on “Last straw

  1. Hugs. That’s a lot to deal with. I haven’t had time to read through your other posts, but relationships with MIL’s are so hard. Would you guys consider couple’s counseling? Could you discuss moving to a new town? Would Eric consider switching to a different hospital? Sorry for all the questions. 🙁

    1. Eric will not consider switching jobs. The idea of moving to a city and eric commuting has been discussed, but not seriously. Not yet anyway. I feel stuck. And lost.

      1. Ugh. I wish I had a more helpful suggestion. It feels unfair to be trapped where you aren’t happy but I can also understand Eric’s reluctance at commuting.

  2. Marriage counseling. And “two yes, one no” rule regarding your kids–either you both agree or it doesn’t happen. He married YOUB he had kids with YOU, he “forsaked all others”–he needs to put YOU and YOUR NEEDS above his moms feelings and what she wants. He doesn’t give a sh*t if she’s there, he just doesn’t want to deal with her or anybody else so it’s easier for him to tell you to suck it up. That’s not fair. This baptism is special for YOU and this is YOUR baby–your comfort and happiness is most important–and MIL is extended family and is not entitled to be there or to be in your childrens lives if she doesn’t respect you. Period. The end. You don’t owe her sh*t and Eric owes you an apology for putting his mommy above his wife. Tell him to go back to her house and make babies with her then.

    1. I wish I knew you in real life. It feels like no one in my real life thinks my feelings matter. Everyone I’ve discussed this with so far, mainly my mom and Eric, think my mil deserves to be at the baptism because she is the grandmother. Apparently I’m supposed to put my feelings aside. Ugh.

  3. OMG I am totally with mylifeisacasestudy. This is UNACCEPTABLE. Have you ever looked at the Reddit community /justnoMIL? You will NOT feel alone anymore. Holy hell, what a nightmare she is. This isn’t okay, Stef. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. You need to be the person your husband is defending and standing by. I read your password protected posts – your MIL is INCREDIBLY out of line. I am so sorry. Sending tons of love.

    1. Thank you 🙂

  4. I like the ‘two yes, one no’ rule. I would not have a baptism in this situation, but that’s easy for me to say as I’m not religious. An immediate family only ceremony is another option. Then everyone, therefore no one, is left out. That may not be fair to family members who have earned their relationship with you and the girls by behaving well, but when it comes down to it a baptism should be about Nora and Nadia not everyone else’s ego.
    And it sounds like the living situation needs a serious, all cards on the table discussion. With a counselor or without 💜

  5. Why is he is so opposed to finding a job in a town you both would be happy in? Counseling may help.

    I must have missed a few posts. What is the situation with your MIL?

    1. Email me at and I can give you the passwords to the protected posts if you’re interested 🙂

      As for finding a job somewhere else… it would mean starting over for him, opening another practice…

      1. Hey facebook message me the password–I don’t have all the dirty details on your MIL, I just know she’s treated you poorly. Also, see the DWIL community board on (stands for “done with in laws”) as you will get lots of support and advice for how to get control of this situation–Eric and your mom are bullying you about MIL because it benefits both of them. You can learn some ways to deal with your mom too, because she is probably as bad as your MIL just in a different way. DO NOT DOUBT YOURSELF. It’s not you who is being unreasonable. They are all being assh*les. XOXO

        1. Just emailed you….

  6. Awe, this frustrated me just reading it!! It’s amazing the problems a horrible mil can cause in a marriage, and j know because I have a mean and cruel mil. Mr. MPB and I have one simple rule, he deals with his parents and I deal with mine. It helps, but it helps because we are on the same page with his mom 97% of the time. We also live a 12 hour drive away from them (by design because we couldn’t survive living close to them).
    Anyways, I think the key to me is that you and Eric need to be on the same page about his mom. It’s not fair that he’s choose her over you and expect you to just accept whatever crazy she’s throwing at you.
    Also, as for the town you live in, it’s clear to me your not happy there. It may be time to discuss him commuting as an option. You need to be happy too! ❤

    1. Yeah, we are certainly not on the same page… which is the main problem.

  7. I think you need to compromise on when you will see the MIL, IE: Two – three holidays a year for X number of hours plus a long weekend or something along those lines. Nothing more, nothing less. As far as where you live, that’s a tough one. Can you guys agree to stay there for 2 or 3 more years, then he agrees to search for a job in a city you wish to live in?? It’s all about compromise and it sounds like it is time for him to step to the plate and give you what YOU need. I agree marriage counseling would be a good idea if you can find someone in your city. Having two young ones is the most difficult time and I promise as they get older and more independent it DOES get easier. But you need to live somewhere that offers you options. If you moved out of state, that means less time with the MIL. Sorry you are having a rough time of it. All I can say is hang in there! (((((HUGS)))))

    1. I know compromise is the right answer, but frankly I don’t know how to compromise when Eric and I still see the situation on opposite ends of the spectrum. Same goes for his career. I think he sees it as he makes all the money, his career is what supports us, therefore the choice to move and change his career doesn’t really seem to be a choice at all for me.

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