Our day began at 8am…. Nora screaming in her crib. Why screaming I’m not sure, as she was fine. But it, of course, woke up Nadia. It’s 10:25am and so far we’ve played outside a bit, washed the windows with popsicles (don’t ask) and completed one glycerin suppository. Don’t ask for details on that either! Nadia’s heart monitor says we have 1:31 hours remaining. I’m counting the minutes. And I want to recognize all the parents out there with children attached to anything. It’s a bit of a pain! And as soon as I yank off the sticks leads, Nadia is getting into the tub!

I called another therapist this morning, and while she is taking new patients, she doesn’t have an opening until July 7th, which feels like forever from now. And she’s out-of-network with our insurance. I need to call and see what I’d be paying… Should I care? Is good therapy worth good money? Several readers have told me to ‘vet therapists’ before I commit, meaning make sure they are on the same page as me with nuclear family ideas and such. Why do I feel like that’s cheating? Isn’t that like searching out someone to tell me what I want to hear, rather than perhaps tell me what’s normal and healthy in life? Or is normal and healthy relative? Or all crap? 

I also need to call the daycare whose wait list we’ve been on for over 2.5 years now. Currently only Nora is on their wait list, as they don’t even know Nadia exists, and last time I called, a few months ago, Nora was still 17th on the list. Both our local ped and the high risk group in Iowa City suggested getting Nora around more children, thinking it would help her develop social skills she’ll need for preschool and kindergarten. If even only a day or two a week. Part of me thinks I might be happier having the girls at a center, giving me a chance to be home alone and get laundry and such done, whereas now I always feel like I have to leave the house when a sitter is here, thus running into the issue of never knowing what to do here or where to go. And a center would be much cheaper than our nanny. But will Nora miss the one-on-one attention? Do I keep Nadia home with me for a bit longer? I’ve seen the infant rooms at most daycares, the babies just all sit there alone, each in their own bouncers..

I always seem to make a list for myself the days the girls and I are home from sun up to sun down together.. like today as Eric works all day and has an investment meeting tonight… My tasks today are groceries, shower, baths for the girls, clean the entire house, including the table, shown below, not in that order. How am I supposed to get any of that accomplished when Nora clings to me whining, wants to play outside, while Nadia cries unless I’m holding her? I’m only free right now as Nora is sitting in front of her iPad, which makes me feel like a horrible mother as it is!

3 thoughts on “Tuesday

  1. No it’s not cheating–but a therapist will either advise you on how to maintain a relationship–even if it’s toxic–or they will advise you how to let go of toxic people and move on with your life without them–toxic people rarely let go without a fight because they *need* someone to blame everything on and abuse. XO

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yes, for your sanity put them in a day care center 2 or 3 days a week! They will learn new routines, socialization, being away from home (so preschool won’t be a big deal), etc. I did it with my two and never regretted it. They were happy, I had alone time to get stuff done so I was happy and it made life so much better for everyone!


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