Where do I even start with this…


My grandmother passed away on her 91st birthday, June 29th. From an MRI done the evening before, they believe a blood vessel in her brain burst, as her blood pressure was 220 in the ER. My father found her unresponsive in her home… We’d like to think she didn’t suffer. While she was 91, and we all know none of us live forever, this was quite a shock, as she was extremely active. My grandma had a large group of lady friends that got together on a daily basis. I hope I’m that active at 91. Heck, I hope I’m alive at 91!


I’m not at all close with my father or his side of the family, including this grandmother. She only met Nora once, and never did meet Nadia. I invited my dad and her to Nora’s 1st birthday party, but they didn’t come. After that, I gave up on them, so to speak. I mean, we were never close, but something about not showing up struck a nerve with me. Made me feel like they really, truly didn’t care. And maybe it wasn’t so much that my grandmother didn’t care, looking back, it was probably more my father…


My father not caring became quite evident after my grandma passed, specifically how he planned grandma’s wake, or lack thereof, and funeral. There was no wake. The funeral was a 30 minute service at their Lutheran Church. My grandmother was cremated, as my dad believed that was easier and faster, even though she had purchased a plot for burial beside my grandfather. Ugh, I could go on and on, but even thinking about it all again infuriates me. My dad is lazy. Whatever is easiest on him… I feel like my grandmother was cheated. Like she deserved so much more. And everything was so fast. The ‘funeral’ if you can even call it that was two days after she died. I have a feeling most people didn’t even know of her death at that point. And after the 30 minute service… cake and punch in the church. It was rather embarrassing, if you ask me.


And I know, I had years and years to see her, months for her meet Nadia, days upon days of opportunities to call her, or go see her, and I didn’t. That’s on me. But I’m still sad I wasn’t able to see her one last time, to say a final good-bye. The entire day felt like it lacked so much, especially closure. And being I’m not close with my father, whatever purpose will I have to ever see him again?


  • spiritbabycomehome

    I am sorry your father is not more engaged. I can’t believe he didn’t honour his mother’s wishes, that kind of blows my mind. My dad is the only living grandparent my kids have and I thought he really couldn’t be less engaged but your father may have him beat. Hurts my heart, in my case, because there is nobody else. If I didn’t invite my dad to birthdays and one other holiday or so per year he would never see my kids. And he lives 5 minutes away, 2 minutes from where the older one plays hockey every week and soccer for a couple of months of the year… my dad has never come to either. Ever. But I can’t shut him out. I keep inviting and he comes to the special events and if we host dinner. Otherwise? Nope. Does your Dad at least come to the girls’ parties now?

    • Stefanie @ The MD & Me

      No… Well, we haven’t planned many parties lately, mostly because of the issue with Eric’s mom… I assume I will invite my dad to the girls baptisms, but I highly doubt he will come. Sad, but I’m kind of to the point where I don’t even care anymore. Or maybe I just tell myself I don’t care.

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