Not what I expected…

It’s August! And the start of Eric’s new schedule, a rotation of one week off and two weeks on. And it’s not at all what I expected.

Sunday he was on-call, since the fourth partner didn’t officially start until August 1st. So Sunday was a bit of a bust when it comes to vacation. A ringing call phone doesn’t really allow much vacationing. And per usual, Eric worked on patient notes Sunday night as soon as the girls went to bed.

Monday, still on-call, so similar. And Eric worked on patient notes during naps and again after the girls’ bed time. And… he met two of his three partners out for drinks and appetizers around 3pm. Apparently it was to celebrate the new guy starting. And I can’t completely complain, as it was at a bar/restaurant, and he took Nora. But still. Not family time. Oh, and while he was gone Nadia was difficult, as she was overly tired but refused to sleep. Her norm lately.

Today, Tuesday, finally not on call! But we did nothing fun. I didn’t even shower. Eric still had patient notes to catch up on, I did some laundry, ya know, boring house-necessarily stuff. Around 4pm Eric left to meet his partners for their weekly Tuesday evening ‘business’ dinner. I say ‘business’ because I’m sure they do talk about work, but…. I always tend to get the impression it’s more an excuse to get dinner and drinks together. Oh, and Eric wanted to go shooting with them this afternoon, but I bitched and thus he didn’t go. I hate bitching, but seriously!

Tomorrow, Wednesday, I have a dentist appointment in Iowa City (remember how I hated the dentist I saw here?) so Eric will have the girls the entire day. But… me going to the dentist is not exactly fun.

Then Thursday Eric actually has a case (a surgery) scheduled, and I’m not sure his plans for Friday, if he’s off or what.

So needless to say, I’m annoyed.

  • There was no true family time, as when Eric was home he was mainly working on patient notes. Yes, he did interact with the girls more than he would get to on a normal week of him working, but still. As soon as they are napping he sneaks away to our home office.
  • Eric found a way to sneak in fun this week, while I watched the girls. My time away while he watches the girls will be the dentist. Which is not fun in my opinion.

I don’t think Eric truly realizes how unhappy I am in Cedar Falls, even though I’ve told him countless times.

  • All my friends are moms with kids. Even if I have a sitter, and get away, it’s usually to either buy groceries or meet another mom, who probably has her kids along. It’s rarely to never fun time for me. Where the heck would I even go here for fun?
  • Eric’s friends are also his partners, guys he’s been close with for years. He got to bring his friends here, I didn’t. And… these guys are all single. They don’t have a wife or kids to get home to. Which sucks for me, as they always want to be out drinking and such. I don’t think it’s healthy for Eric or our relationship that these are his only friends here. I don’t have the group of wives to friend and having Eric home with me and the girls means he’s said no to going out with them.

The more I think about it, the more I think I need to move back closer to where we used to live. It would be hard, as Eric would have to live in Cedar Falls the week he’s on-call, and commute the other week, but he’d have an entire week off, with us, away from his partners. But, I would be alone with the girls more. But I’d be closer to friends and family too. Ugh, I don’t know. Someone tell me what to do!!

 

 

10 thoughts on “Not what I expected…

  1. You said if you moved you’d be alone more with the girls? But you’d be by family and friends and it would make it more tolerable for you because you’d be able to hang out with family and I’m sure they’d want to come over and help out. I know for me I have a moms night every few weeks and I go out and go to a movie and dinner and it’s soooo nice to get away. My husband comes home and has to deal with the kids for like an hour but I literally make him dinner and get the kids in their pajamas and I make it as easy as possible for him so I don’t feel guilty. But ya I hope you figure stuff out. It sucks being rutt!

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  2. Do what works best for your family–yourself included. But make sure you have realistic expectations for moving back as far as people you can depend on and such. You are a SAHM (for now anyways) and your life will still be really boring most of the time. XOXO

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  3. I can’t answer the big picture question, by it sounds like you are overdue for a long and serious talk with your hubby.

    Meanwhile, make sure to make a day out of the whole dentist thing and do much more for yourself while you are alone than just the apt!

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  4. Hey! My husband used to work crazy hours and not get home until the kids were in bed. There were a few other moms in my neighborhood who were in the same boat. We formed a “Weekly Wednesday Widow” club. One of us would host the other families and have a complete dinner- meaning everyone just showed up, not needing to bring anything. We would rotate weekly. This was great for so many reasons! The kids got a playdate with others in the evening- making bedtime a breeze. I also had my “fun” time getting to know my neighbors and their kids. Since we all had husbands who worked late and kids in similar age, we had that as a starting place for our bonding. At first I had to put in more of an effort to get to know these other women, who were just strangers, but in similar situations. Now they are my friends! It was also great because our kids got to taste other types of foods we don’t typically cook in our house. My LO favorite meal is Ms. Sylwia’s chicken! Also, since all the kids were eating together and chatting, they were often distracted at what they were eating and just ate!
    If dinner doesnt work for your mom friends, maybe try a rotating lunch schedule!

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  5. What does Eric think about y’all moving back and him staying/commuting when necessary? If he is on board to try it, I don’t see what it would hurt. I feel like you can’t keep doing what you’re doing since it’s not getting any better. (((((hugs)))))) Good luck!

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  6. I’ve thought for a while that moving back near family and friends is the best idea. I’m not sure what the property market is like in the US but perhaps you could find somewhere that you could rent short term to see how it works out before you commit to buying somewhere? x

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  7. I guess you have to consider what your end game is? Having young children is a very hard time in a marriage- lots of research has found this. I think it can be a matter of putting your head down and just getting through it without making any major decisions that are likely to have long term repurcussions. I personally would stay where your husband’s work is, know that having two small children is hard, but that it is likely to get better. Also given your accounting background is working as office manager or book keeper for your husband’s practice a possibility?

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