Annoyed

Maybe it’s my personality, maybe I take things too seriously, or maybe I care too much what others think. But regardless, I’m annoyed.

First though, Nadia had a renal ultrasound (U/S) this morning to check on her urinary reflux. She’s been on medication since birth and I’m so hoping all looks well and we can get her off it. She has an appointment Wednesday with one of Eric’s partners, but I assume Eric will see the results of the U/S before then. The U/S itself was painless, but Nora was along, as my sitter is at a funeral today, and she freaked, thinking the appointment was something for her. I dread Nora’s next immunology appointment which involves a blood draw…

So the house we looked at, the one I posted some pictures of… I guess I failed to mention its location, which is Hiawatha, IA, just north of Cedar Rapids. So yes, a 45 minute commute for Eric and the necessity of another home in Cedar Falls for him to stay when he’s on-call. Our offer was accepted and a tentative closing date of October 27th was set. So like a month. AHHHH. I’m thrilled. But also confused and annoyed too… Oh, and if you know me in real life, please don’t mention this to anyone else just yet. We aren’t, well, Eric isn’t I guess, ready yet to have this publicly announced. I’ll get to that later.

I think ultimately it comes down to this…

I’m sick of everyone making me feel as if disliking Cedar Falls/Waterloo and being unhappy here means there is something wrong with me.

Can’t I just want more? More stuff, a larger area, more opportunities for the girls? Is that so wrong? Cedar Falls and Waterloo are connected in a way that you can’t really tell when you cross from one to the other. Thus, it seems a lot of stuff I go to, such as our pediatrician, is actually in Waterloo. In fact, I would say there are far more restaurants and such in Waterloo than in Cedar Falls. That said, Waterloo has one of the highest crime rates in the state of Iowa, ranks very high in poverty levels, and very low in average education levels. Is it so wrong to want to raise my girls somewhere else?? We have very few companies here with the need and means to employee individuals with a masters level and above education. At some point I would like to go back to work… If I could ever find daycare. Another thing lacking here. I know, I’ve been through this all before.

I stopped at the mall this afternoon with the girls…

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All closed. No wait, we have a GNC. No clue how that stays in business. It’s dreary and depressing. Like much of this city, in my opinion.

So back to Eric not wanting to share with the world yet… I guess when he told me not to say anything to anyone yet I felt like he was ashamed of me not being happy here. He said a lot of people he works with live here or in smaller surrounding towns… He asked, how will they feel when they know Cedar Falls wasn’t good enough for you? Is it really about that though? Just because I don’t care for it here doesn’t mean others can’t love it. Where they pick to live is their life, right? Should I have to hide my happiness in moving closer to family and friends just because they may live in an even smaller town? I know some people just like small towns. I also know I’m just not one of those people. Doesn’t mean either of us are right or wrong, better or worse. I guess I just see it as personal preference. And does moving to Hiawatha mean I’m disrespecting Eric? I don’t know, I guess I didn’t view it as such, but apparently others do.

So for now, I’ll pack, sell some crap we don’t need, and try to create new connections in Hiawatha. Feels like I’m starting all over again. Yes, it was/is what I want, but still overwhelming and hard. There are some things here I’ll miss, like MOPs. Maybe it’s true you can’t have it all.

10 thoughts on “Annoyed

  1. I don’t recall if I was following your story or not when you first moved to Cedar Falls. My thoughts and they’re just that… Raising kids is tough and if you’re in a marriage I believe both should be heavily involved in the kids’ lives, daily activities, decisions, etc. I personally would not want to live 45 minutes from where my spouse works. I would want to be in the same town – just more convenient if push comes to shove – especially in the winter.

    When you originally moved, did you set a timeframe – I’ll give this 2 years and then if it’s not working we agree to both look elsewhere and move as a family unit?

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    1. Eric’s contract was for 2 years, but it’s obviously been renewed. I guess the issue is, Eric has no intention of ever moving away from this job… he has made all decisions about which job to take, I was not exactly included… So I guess at this point I’m trying to find a compromise…

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      1. I’d say that’s the issue right there – both people need to have a say and come to an agreeement on where to plant their roots and raise a family.

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  2. Congratulations on the new house. It seems like the purchase and your excitement have been overshadowed by other things. That stinks. I wonder about Eric’s reaction. Clearly he agreed to the arrangement or he wouldn’t have purchased the house. I think a lot comes from the way he frames his explanation when he tells people. The girls have a lot of appointments in IC. Stef would like to pursue her career and there aren’t many options here. Etc etc. Facts like that can’t really be argued with. If it’s more of an internal struggle for him, as in him feeling like people will think you are leaving him, or something along those lines (I know that’s not what you’re doing) then I could understand his hesitation. As long as the two of you know what your plan is, that’s what ultimately matters.

    Selfishly, I will be excited to have you back in the area. I very much look forward to play dates for our girls once you are settled.

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  3. Uhg. What other people think shouldn’t factor into the decisions you make for your family. It’s not fair that Eric unilaterally decided to stay in his current practice without any consideration for your feelings. And it’s absolutely f*cked up that he would now suggest you consider how *random strangers* feel about you moving. Like whoa. Do you see the irony there? XO

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  4. Tomorrow’s problems are born from today’s solutions. No matter what the problem or solution this applies. No judgement from me. But lots of good wishes that the only problem from this solution is what size Christmas tree you are going to put up. May your joys increase and your children continue to bloom.

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