Mother’s Day Weekend

I made no plans for the weekend… I like lazy weekends. Eric has been gone for the past week, so I’m worn out from handling the kids and house and dog and whatever else alone. I know there are lots of brunches in town, could go to one of those…

Yesterday Eric texted me asking if it was okay if he takes the girls to his mom’s house Saturday (tomorrow). Not technically Mother’s Day, but close enough according to me. Apparently his aunt and uncle from England are in the states visiting. They will be here for a month. Why they planned a bbq tomorrow is beyond me. I assume my lovely MIL had something to do with the plans… since it’s at her home. The home of the Christmas fiasco where we were thrown out. Where I haven’t been back to since. Where I don’t want to go Mother’s Day weekend. She has yet to make an effort to make me feel welcome there… and I still have no desire to see her. And it’s more than just her mental breakdown, swearing, throwing furniture, it being a repeated activity… She’s not a positive influence on my girls. Honestly, I can’t think of one good thing she brings to their life. Other then she’s Eric’s mother. Ugh.

So do I let him take the girls tomorrow? Do I go along? I’d love to see Eric’s brother and wife and daughters, but at the expense of being at his moms house… I don’t know. It will be a very small gathering, so unlikely I could completely ignore his mother.

My mom keeps asking me why I can’t just get over it and move on… I guess because there was no resolution. No real apology. No plans to change behavior going forward since Eric grew up experiencing these outbursts. Probably why he overlooks it so easily. It’s common to him, more normal. But not to me. I’d like to see her seek help, therapy perhaps, medication, something. I could go on and on with the reasons she’s a bad influence on my girls…

I’m so confused. I don’t know what is the right thing to do. Eric understands my feelings and said he would go alone or would take the girls, whatever I want. But I don’t like any of those options. I hate feeling like she purposely planned a gathering this weekend to force her sons to choose, knowing both have to travel. It’s about 3 hours each way in the car for us, as we stop at least once with kids. That’s a lot of driving for one day with little ones. And I’m not willing to stay over and spend Mother’s Day in the car driving home. If I don’t go though, it’s more time alone, or alone with the girls, when I’m been alone with them for the past week. Part of me wants Eric to tell his mom no… that his aunt and uncle will be here for a month, we could see them another weekend, but we don’t have other plans… And Eric already pointed out we see my family often, as if it needs to be equal. But… my family lives in town. And isn’t crazy! Doesn’t that count for something!

4 thoughts on “Mother’s Day Weekend

  1. Here is the thing and I don’t think you are going to like it. I don’t know you in real life but I have been reading for years.
    I think you have to deal with the fact Eric is going to have a relationship with his Mom and wants the girls to have one too. It isn’t fair and it sucks but it is what it is – don;t let her ruin your relationship. Put your big girl panties on and figure how to deal with it. Be the “bigger person”. Remember the only person you can control is yourself. You don’t have to be besties with your MIL. If you think she is doing this to make her sons choose don’t give her that satisfaction. Keep your girls out of it don’t say anything bad about her to them and unless she actually touches one of them or says or does something harmful directly to them just deal with it. Again it won’t be easy and it isn’t fair but it is what it is. GOOD LUCK!

    I think you need to find a therapist. I think that having someone to vent to and to help you with strategies for these situations would be super helpful for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. One of the hardest things to do in life is to be a “grown up” and let things that are “unfair” and not resolved go. Just let it go. Suck it up and go up there a couple of times a year. Paste a smile on your face and put up with her. She won’t be alive forever. Your girls will see how she acts and make their own decisions about her. It’s the un-fun part about being married, that whole doing it for him because you love him even though you would rather put toothpicks in your eyes. It will relieve marital stress if you quit fighting him on it and compromise. Yes, you give way more right now. Yes, she doesn’t deserve you in her life! But at the end of the day, you will be the better person for it and can hold your head high knowing you did the right thing and weren’t petty like she is. Hang in there, I have been there!!

    Liked by 1 person

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