I feel like I’m losing my mind.
Nadia woke around midnight. It’s now 1:45 and I’m still rocking her. I laid her down maybe 20 minutes ago and she screamed and woke Nora. Again, as she woke Nora at midnight as well.
As if this isn’t all frustrating enough since of course I’m alone here tonight… Kona started barking to go out at midnight when she heard Nadia crying. Worse, Kona continued to alternate between barking every 45 seconds and pacing outside Nadia’s bedroom door. Of course we have hardwood floors and of course Nadia could hear her claws on the floor, and of course Nadia wanted to look at Kona and not sleep.
I let Kona out, which then she refused to come in. Funny, I didn’t see anyone else out in their pjs dragging in their barking dog at this hour.
Maybe to someone else these repeated situations would be easier to handle. I’m not sure, I just know this level of anxiety is not healthy for me. But worse, I don’t know how to improve the situation. I keep wondering if moving here was a mistake. True, I wasn’t happy in Cedar Falls, for a variety of reasons, but parenting alone is sometimes more than I know how to handle. And worse, I don’t feel like many people understand how hard this is for me. Even those I’ve previously considered close friends have made comments lately how I just need to be happy and realize all the good in my life. Clearly they don’t understand what it’s like to struggle with anxiety and depression too, for that matter. It’s not that I don’t want to be happy…