Should I carry?

I can’t help but think this would all be easier if I just try to carry our embryo… Am I crazy? Is it irresponsible given my history? Maybe I’m just already overwhelmed with the surrogate process… which is just beginning. What if I at least talk to the high-risk OB team again…? Eric isn’t thrilled with the idea, he does not want another nicu stay.

8 thoughts on “Should I carry?

  1. No. Emphatically no you should not. The stress on you re:surrogacy is nothing compared to the stress of a newborn baby that is stuck in the NICU fighting for their life. You are lucky your girls fared as well as they did. But babies should not have to endure that sort of tauma and alienation if it can be prevented. Sorry Stef, but after 2 babies you know better. Not to mention the stress it puts on your other 2 kids with you being bedridden and then at the NICU all the time. XOXO

    1. I know you are right, I do… but I know the stress of the NICU, I don’t know the stress of a surrogate. I guess what you know always feels safer. I’m curious what my doctor would say about a cerclage…

  2. The simple answer is you could also choose not to have a third baby. Nobody is forcing you to. You can donate your embryo to a family in need who cannot do IVF themselves if you want to. Or keep it on ice, or lovingly let it go–I do not consider this a “bad” thing.

  3. I think it is a good idea to speak to your high risk on team, at least to get guidance. I know you had two babies pre term, so would they consider a cerclage? Obviously I have no idea of your medical journey, but some friends and my niece had that done and successfully made it to full term. I can understand Eric’s point of view too. There is a lot to consider, best of luck.

  4. NICU risks. Risks to your life too.
    No vote but my guess is your doctor would not advise this …. and I could be wrong. Ask your doctor.
    Your two living daughters really really need you alive and healthy.

  5. This will be harsh and I am sure you will get very upset with me but based on the majority of your posts, do you really think you can handle 3 kids? I have 1 child and yes, a big factor for that is our infertility, but I could definitely have gone on and on trying. But as I became a mother and learned about myself and what I could emotionally and physically handle I hit a VERY hard truth and that was that I could only handle 1 child. It was a devastating realization because I always envisioned 2 or 3 kids. It was devastating to make the choice to end the freezing of our 3 remaining embryos. But facing these devastating issues made me grow in ways that are indescribable. We are told we are meant to bear multiple children and that this action gives us more worth and value, more love. A “better” life. These are lies. None of that makes our lives better than anyone else. I know from multiple conversations that there are so many women out there with multiple children that are absolutely at the end of their ropes and are in that situation because they thought they needed more instead of facing hard truths about themselves and what is truly the best choice for mental well being.

    1. I won’t disagree with you, I do feel overwhelmed a lot. I guess I just need some help making the hard decision of not at least giving our last embryo a chance…

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