Still Winter

It’s snowing. And sleeting. The roads are slick. I almost killed myself walking out of daycare today, slipped on the sidewalk. I want summer. It’s mid-April for gosh sakes! I have lots of things I want to do with the backyard, but kind of difficult when new snow is still being added to the ground…

I’m beginning to wonder if my sickness is really allergies. I’ve had an awful clogged head, stuffy nose, watery eyes deal going on two weeks now. Lots of pressure in my head but this morning I woke with pain in my teeth. I seem to think that might be a sign of a sinus infection… WebMD believes I have TB, but Eric confirmed it’s highly unlikely. And scolded me for using such a site when I’m married to a physician.


This afternoons activity is more work on my business plan. I signed up for LivePlan. It’s around $20 a month for the time you are using the software, so hopefully it’s worth it. Still very early phases, as in, this is all just an idea in my head. I have lots of data to gather and market research to complete, but at least I have a start! I’ve had several people interested in playing a part in this venture… but none have any capital (cash) to contribute. So… I’m not really sure how to include them when they aren’t partaking in the actual risk of starting a business. Consultants perhaps? Although I’m not exactly sure how knowledgeable they are in what I need consulting on, and I can’t really pay everyone who offers me an opinion or suggestion… I mean, I’ll gladly accept suggestions, but probably not in exchange for any measurable amount of income. Also, I’m trying to decide how much I want to disclose on my blog. It would be helpful to receive feedback, but I’m not sure readers want to follow along with my every step of this tedious process. We’ll see I guess… More to come…

Where to focus…

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What I’m supposed to be reading…  ⇑

But I’m actually wasting time on Facebook and wondering how to even begin in this so-called business world. Somehow I fear my BBA in Finance and MBA isn’t going to help me as much as I’d like to think.

My idea is a bit of a spin-off from a previous idea. And I’ll certainly share at some point, but I’m not prepared to just yet. Hopefully soon though, as I’d like to use my blog as a sounding-board, for advice, if any of you have any to offer, or certainly just a place for me to get out ideas and feelings.

Which leads to me to ponder my ever-growing to do list. Or maybe I should call it my wish list. It keeps getting longer… in no particular order…

  1. Another child (our frozen embryo) is certainly on my mind, but obviously not anytime soon. Well, I am 38, so sometime in the next decade 😉
  2. The Love Dare book I started reading and posting about, which I kind of lose track of… Posts are at the top of my homepage if you’re interested.
  3. Um… this house needs decorating, and organizing, especially the storage room which is a mess of baby stuff we probably could sell. (Does anyone actually ever organize their storage room?)
  4. I’m attempting to take a larger role in the MOMs Club I joined, as I now lead their Coffee Talk group and Book Club. It’s not a huge time commitment, but it’s a few hours a week.
  5. Proposed business – see books above. Exciting, but terrifying too.
  6. Re-joining Kosama or some other workout facility.
  7. Furthering production and items for sale at Nora Mae’s Boutique. Lots of ideas, but time is limited, well, maybe limited isn’t the right word. Maybe I’m just trying to spread too many interests of mine over the time I do have.
  8. Attempts to keep this house running, groceries purchased, laundry clean, dinner on the table each evening, etc.
  9. My love of photography has always been in the back of my mind… I’d love to teach myself or perhaps take some classes.

Maybe I just need help focusing. Maybe I need to pick one thing at a time…

 

Sunday

According to my phone, it’s Sunday. Feels like a Tuesday or Friday. Everyday feels similar lately. The weekends don’t stand out, being Eric works most of them, this one included.

The only reason I’m writing is because both girls are napping, at the same time, which happens about once a month lately, so I needed to take advantage. I’m convinced Nadia’s heart medication is what messes with her sleep, basically eliminating her daytime naps… We are weaning her off it, so the naps are becoming a bit more regular, but still far from anything I’d consider normal for a child her age.

I didn’t have a sitter this past week. Don’t even get me started. I know, it was a holiday, so I expected her to take some time off, but I thought I was at least going to have her Friday and then she texted me Thursday that they were staying out-of-town through the weekend. I feel like that’s the issue with someone coming to your home, or taking your kids to their home… The dependability just isn’t there, it just doesn’t compare to a center. And while yes, I am a stay-at-home mom, I have a ton of crap planned, mostly doctors appointments for the girls multiple times a week now, and some outings for me as well, and it’s hard to rearrange everything at the last-minute. I feel like I’m that person, who is always cancelling appointments and rescheduling. And August is even a bigger mess with a sitter, as the one I love isn’t available as much as I thought, although she will be back in town for the school year. It’s probably time to place another ad on care.com and start the process of finding a sitter all over again. Even the idea terrifies me.

Which brings me to opening my own daycare center… Still in the research phase. Looking more into Goddard currently, although I’m scared it’s a bit too upscale for this area. My research so far is pointing to our previous city being a better fit. Of course. Of course! The same things I hate about this city are still biting me in the butt! There are definitely enough people here on wait-lists wanting childcare… I’m just not yet convinced there are enough families with enough disposable income to spend well above average for such a service. Granted, they would getting more than just childcare, but it’s getting families to want that, and pay for that, and see the value in it, which might be the issue here.

No word from the sellers of the house we made an offer on… A little part of me thought they might come back to us by now, but nothing yet. I do know they are having an open house today though.

I should be napping… I’m exhausted. I got our little pool out for Nora again this morning. It wears her out and thus she takes a good nap, but it wears me out too! It’s a ton of work to get it out, blow it up, with the pump thing, find all the pool toys, fill it with water, get her in a swim diaper and suit, find a blanket for Nadia and I to sit on, carry each of them down the 10 steep stairs into our backyard, slather them both with sunscreen, then make 17 more trips up and down the stairs for everything else I forgot, then bring everything in an hour later, remove wet suits and wash, re-clothe them in dry clothing and real diapers, drain the pool, blah blah blah. You get the idea. It’s so much work! Why are kids so much work?? I mean, I think I’m a pretty well-adjusted adult with lots of resources. How do younger moms with no help and fewer resources handle this?? And then I was taking Nadia’s infant carrier car seat and rock-n-play into the basement for storage and thought, we have way too much baby stuff not to have another kid. OMG, but it’s so much work!

Do I try to do too much at once? While all the pool stuff was going on, I was also doing laundry and general cleanup of the house. Still doing laundry. I’m still in my swimsuit, as no time to take that off. Just grabbing lunch for myself now… I miss work, where I felt like I was able to focus, and actually finish tasks. I still believe Eric thinks staying with the girls is easy, and maybe in some ways it is easier than working outside the home. But then how come I never seem to actually accomplish anything? Like making dinner while watching the girls… It feels impossible! Maybe Eric should try watching the girls in his operating room while he’s performing surgery. Yes! He should have to get them snacks, turn on the next “Daniel Tiger” episode, change their diapers, etc. And no help from the OR nurses or scrub techs either! That is how this feels to me. Like I’m doing several jobs as once. It’s so draining, and frustrating.

Daycare Visit

I visited our proposed daycare center today. Again. My first visit was back when I was pregnant with Nora. When we were placed on their waitlist. Over two years later we’re still waiting, Nora is still 23rd on the list. So I wanted to know why, in person. The answer was fairly vague… Not enough spaces, lots of others waiting, siblings get priority, blah blah blah. I have zero faith Nora will get a spot before next August when she can start three year-old preschool. So there goes that idea. Plus, I wasn’t all that impressed with the facility, or the ‘teachers’ who aren’t actually teachers. I like have elementary education, early childhood education, special education, etc. majors who come to our home, as the girls receive one-on-one attention. But its expensive. And they aren’t really getting the social interaction I long for… I’m a bit at a loss of how to solve that though, since I called around to other centers in this area, and their wait lists are just as long, two years or more. Ugh. I’m frustrated and overwhelmed.

 

How frustrated am I?? Enough that I seriously, honestly to God, checked into opening my own center. Not just any center though. An upscale ‘daycare’ that focuses more on education, not just baby-sitting. Anyone have experience with a Kiddie Academy? There aren’t any in my current state, but I filled out a franchise application and I’m supposed to speak with the franchise director later this week. No seriously people, there is such a need here, how could it not be lucrative? With my undergrad in Finance and MBA I’m surely willing to take on the business aspect… But I’ll obviously need someone with an educational background too. With the University of Northern Iowa here, which is cranking out teachers like crazy… And yes, this isn’t a traditional teaching career, but it actually pays better than most public school positions, so if I can find the right people, it’s a win win. I know, I’m making it sound way simpler than it is. Just another idea of mine… We’ll see…

House Tour

I really, really liked the house, enough to want to take Eric back to look, as he is, of course, working today. There are a few things I’d want to re-do, like some light fixtures which are quite fancy and not my taste, maybe the flooring in the formal dining room, but honestly, it’s not anything that would have to be done right away. Just cosmetic stuff if we find the time. The house has a lot of space, really way more than we actually need, but who knows, maybe we would find we like the extra space. The bedrooms are all good size, which is so nice, they even have walk-in closets for the girls. The current owners just repainted the entire house and all the trim. Most of the colors are blue/grey, which is okay, except they don’t really match any of our furniture. We currently have a lot of teal/sea-green in our home. Hum… Not the end of the world I guess. All the carpet is new, and there is new wood flooring, which might not be awesome since we have a dog who will probably ruin real wood. Maybe she can live in just one wing of the place!

 

I’m hoping Eric can find time Friday to see it, pending when our realtor is available. The real question though is… do I want to stay in the Cedar Falls area? Or move back closer to Iowa City? I realize this particular house is in a very small town, but it feels more like an extension of our current city. But do I want to stay here? Options here are still so, so limited for everything. Oh, and we are even further down on the daycare list here than I thought. Nora is 23rd, not 17th like she was a few months ago when I called. What the…IMG_8111

I’m so, so over the daycare situation here. Of course, I emailed one closer to where we used to live, and they didn’t call me back. Should I just open my own? I don’t actually want to work there, God no. I hate others people’s children. (Kidding. Sort of.) Can I just own it?

 

I peaked for jobs again here this afternoon… Nothing. Depressing. I’m so confused. I really do like the house. But what if we buy it, move, and then I decide I still don’t want to be here?

 

Maybe I need to make a list of pros and cons…

Happy Friday!

We made it to another Friday. Eric is on-call this week, and worked late EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. I know I should be used to his schedule by now… but I’m not. I still get angry, discouraged, disappointed, overwhelmed, etc. when I hear he’s going to be late. Why is it the girls have to both cry and whine from 5-7pm?? Yesterday Nora and I were playing outside around 4:30pm and I saw several neighbors arrive home, I assume from work. Made me sad that scenario can’t be my reality.

Yesterday Eric was seeing patients at his Ft. Dodge clinic. Now I know this will piss some of you off, but… would I be a good blogger if I didn’t sometimes post controversial stuff? So I’ll just say it. I hate Eric has a clinic there. He is more than busy with his patients in the darn city where we live. I travel to Iowa City all the freaking time to see specialists, as I understand that some surgical specialties aren’t available in smaller cities. (Supply and demand people.) Ft. Dodge is small. Can’t those people travel for their care, just like I do all the freaking time with the girls? Eric going there a few times a month means even less time with him.

Monday is Eric’s birthday, and it sounds like for his gift he wants to spend the weekend away with his dad’s brother and family. I forget where now, but I think it’s a 3-4 hour drive from us. His uncle has a cabin on a lake and is inviting a bunch of people to stay the weekend. Not my kind of time away, and I have little to no desire to sit in a car with little ones for any length of time. Eric wants to go though, and mentioned this morning he would like to take Nora. Now, I personally think it’s a horrible idea, but I’m not going to tell him no. I just think once he gets there with her he might regret it. Kids out-of-town, overnight, are a lot of work. Plus, he wants to stop on the way back and spend time with some friends in Des Moines that he hasn’t seen in a while. The weekend would be easier for me with just Nadia… Another weekend alone though. I did purchase gifts for Eric, whiskey glasses and an aluminum wallet. Eric is very picky… so we’ll see.


In other news… I think I’m having a mid-life crisis. Am I in my mid-life?? Anyway… You know I still have the idea of opening a coffee shop in the back of my mind… But I have other ideas too. Maybe I have too many ideas. I need to focus and narrow down my options. But how? And are any if these good ideas when I have two little girls? And would like a third child at some point… which would probably be another high-risk pregnancy ending in the birth of a preemie…

  • There is the traditional job avenue. Meaning, what I was doing before I had the girls. I started updating my resume a few weeks ago, but I’m not extremely motivated to get back into boring finance/accounting work… Do you blame me? Also, being we are in the 39% tax bracket, and I pay our sitter $12.50 an hour, I might end up bringing home less than I pay our nanny. Depressing. Yes, something to be said for working and being happy, but still. Plus, the search for jobs in this area hasn’t turned up much. Seems this city is all about labor and manufacturing positions. Which doesn’t surprise me.
  • So new idea… And this might surprise some of you, but what about me opening a salon/spa? I have the business background with my undergrad in Finance and MBA, but I would obviously need the trade schooling. We have a couple of options here in town, my fear though, is that I’d be in classes with 18 year olds. Being 37 and having worked in professional environments, I just have a strange feeling I might be a little out-of-place. Crazy idea? I’m not so sure the idea of doing hair interests me as much as skin care/make-up. And I realize the money isn’t going to come from offering those services myself, but rather from owning the business. I have not mentioned this idea to Eric yet… I wonder what his response will be.