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More time alone?

Eric left last Thursday night for his week on-call. It’s Friday, I’m hoping he’ll be home for his week off starting this afternoon, but tonight is probably more likely. But… there’s a catch. A few nights ago Eric asked if I cared if he went to visit his brother and family with Nora tomorrow (Saturday) through Monday. I was honest with him, told him I’d rather him not, but that I also understood he misses his brother. They have two littles, one who is six months old now, who we still haven’t met.

I’m so torn, and discouraged. And I feel guilty too. We could all go, but the idea of packing up two kids and driving five hours to stay only a couple of days feels too overwhelming to me right now. Being I’ve been alone with the girls for a week now, I’m exhausted. There is tons of laundry I’d need to do before we could even pack. I know Eric understands this, why is why he offered to just take Nora. I mean, of course I want to meet my newest niece, and see their older daughter who is Nora’s age. And them of course too. But its not a vacation, it’s work, and mostly for me.

And then there is the whole being alone piece of it if Eric does go. Yes, I’d have Nadia here with me, but she doesn’t exactly provide the adult interaction I crave. It just feels like there is this constant struggle between Eric and I, me wanting him home, more time together as family, and him finding reasons to be away, whether that be forced time away because of work, or other ideas he has. He and I certainly don’t have a lot of time together as it is… but is denying him time with his brother fair? Shouldn’t he want to be home with me, excited to be home here after a week away?

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Perspective

I need some perspective. And yes I realize everyone’s home-life, schedule, etc. is unique, but I’d like some perspective on mine. Ya know, either tell me I’m crazy and need to relax and let Eric see his friends more. Or tell me Eric needs to buck up and accept that his career already takes too much of his time, and that any time off needs to be spent with us… Of course my feeling on the matter is that Eric chose a career which requires he work 90+ hours a week, therefore he gave up free time, especially when he decided to marry and have kids. But I realize I’m a little biased 😉

As you know, Eric is on-call every third week, meaning he lives 45 minutes away every third week. Another week he commutes, so leaves early in the morning and is home after the girls go to bed. So no help with parenting those nights either. Then he also has every third week off. His schedule is a rotation of these three repeating weeks.

Also as you know we have daycare. The girls are there roughly six hours a day, during which time I clean, buy groceries, run other errands, shower, do laundry, make dinner, do house repairs, etc. Eric doesn’t really do anything to care for our home. If I can’t do it, it’s hired out, such as lawn care and snow removal.

Eric cancelled his trip to Las Vegas for this coming weekend, meaning he should be home sometime this afternoon to start his vacation week, although its 1pm and I know he’s still at his office 45 minutes away working on patient notes.

Last night Eric texted me that he wanted to meet two of his partners out tonight for dinner and drinks. He technically did ask. And I technically said okay, but I’m annoyed. Tonight is Eric’s first night home after a week of working out-of-town and already he is planning on being gone again. I happen to know he had a fancy dinner out with his partners Tuesday night for a ‘business meeting’. When is my fancy dinner out??

So I ask…

  • How do other couple’s plan fun time? Either together, or on their own with friends?
  • Do you have an agreed upon use of free-time, like requiring it be spent together as a family?
  • Any suggestions for how I can learn to not be so annoyed and jealous of his fun time?
  • Is it ridiculous of me to want what little free-time Eric has to be spent with me and the girls?
  • How can we balance family time and Eric’s need for time with his friends when time is so limited?
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Happy Friday!

How is the week over already??? Today is my last day with Eric, kid-free, until the end of the month. He has tomorrow off too, which should be a good, relaxing at home, family day. Sunday he is taking our oldest, Nora, out-of-town to a baptism and then that evening he leaves for Ft. Dodge to start his week with clinic there Monday. He’s commuting this week and then on-call the following, so my time with him will be very limited again for two weeks. I’m a but bitter he’s traveling out-of-town with Nora Sunday to a family baptism… I don’t think he actually wants to go to the baptism, or even feels he has the time to go, being he’ll get home and have to leave right away again. It’s more he feels a need to show up at family events. I think what he fails to remember though, is that all the others at the baptism are teachers who have their weekends free… Oh how life would be different if Eric’s schedule was M-F 8-5. No, I’m not saying teacher life is easy, or even that all teachers have nice hours, but I happen to know how his cousins’ spend their weekends, thanks to many Facebook posts.

Most of this week with Eric has been spent at coffee shops, as he’s studying for his oral boards he’ll take in February, I think. Which means in three weeks when he’s off work again, he’ll be studying, again. I’ve been coming to coffee shops with him, in between mom’s clubs get-togethers, mainly so we can still spend time together despite his constant nose in the book, highlighter in hand. We’ve been dropping off and picking up the girls from daycare together. I wonder if they wonder what the heck it is we do??

Speaking of daycare, I’ve noticed a lot of teachers are out with influenza. I was browsing Facebook this morning and came across a post with people arguing about how the flu shot causes the flu and is otherwise unsafe. Da people. Just da. If you don’t believe in vaccinations or the flu shot you might as well just stop following my blog now. Fine, don’t get the flu shot or vaccinations, get sick and die. Survival of the fittest I guess… You realize people are dying from the flu, right? Don’t even bother commenting, let’s not argue. Just stop reading my posts. I don’t want to argue. Rather, spend your time doing actual, peer-reviewed research on the safety and necessity of vaccinations and flu shots. End rant.

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Giving up?

Eric and I had another discussion this morning about my MIL. Honestly, I feel like a broken record, both with him, and with this topic on here. None of you probably want to hear about it anymore!

Ultimately we still haven’t come to any conclusions. If there even are any. I think for me, allowing Liz back into my life, into my holidays and special occasions, is a lot more than just having to tolerate her, see her, etc. Maybe I think too much of myself, but I truly believe I deserve to be treated better… She swore at me, threw furniture, kicked me out of her home… and has yet to acknowledge her behavior. I know, she’s Italian and was grieving the death of her husband, I get it. But all that aside, I still deserve better, in my opinion. I don’t let others treat me like she did…

Allowing Liz back into my life feels like destroying a bit of my own dignity and respect.

Does that make sense? I don’t really know how to put my feelings into words… Eric is adamant that he can’t change her, though he has tried, and that she will not change. So I’m left being told I MUST bend and change for her. Of course I could do that, I could put on the happy face for the baptism and every other holiday, pretend all is well. But what will that do to me over time?

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Grandmother

Where do I even start with this…

 

My grandmother passed away on her 91st birthday, June 29th. From an MRI done the evening before, they believe a blood vessel in her brain burst, as her blood pressure was 220 in the ER. My father found her unresponsive in her home… We’d like to think she didn’t suffer. While she was 91, and we all know none of us live forever, this was quite a shock, as she was extremely active. My grandma had a large group of lady friends that got together on a daily basis. I hope I’m that active at 91. Heck, I hope I’m alive at 91!

 

I’m not at all close with my father or his side of the family, including this grandmother. She only met Nora once, and never did meet Nadia. I invited my dad and her to Nora’s 1st birthday party, but they didn’t come. After that, I gave up on them, so to speak. I mean, we were never close, but something about not showing up struck a nerve with me. Made me feel like they really, truly didn’t care. And maybe it wasn’t so much that my grandmother didn’t care, looking back, it was probably more my father…

 

My father not caring became quite evident after my grandma passed, specifically how he planned grandma’s wake, or lack thereof, and funeral. There was no wake. The funeral was a 30 minute service at their Lutheran Church. My grandmother was cremated, as my dad believed that was easier and faster, even though she had purchased a plot for burial beside my grandfather. Ugh, I could go on and on, but even thinking about it all again infuriates me. My dad is lazy. Whatever is easiest on him… I feel like my grandmother was cheated. Like she deserved so much more. And everything was so fast. The ‘funeral’ if you can even call it that was two days after she died. I have a feeling most people didn’t even know of her death at that point. And after the 30 minute service… cake and punch in the church. It was rather embarrassing, if you ask me.

 

And I know, I had years and years to see her, months for her meet Nadia, days upon days of opportunities to call her, or go see her, and I didn’t. That’s on me. But I’m still sad I wasn’t able to see her one last time, to say a final good-bye. The entire day felt like it lacked so much, especially closure. And being I’m not close with my father, whatever purpose will I have to ever see him again?