Eric left last Thursday night for his week on-call. It’s Friday, I’m hoping he’ll be home for his week off starting this afternoon, but tonight is probably more likely. But… there’s a catch. A few nights ago Eric asked if I cared if he went to visit his brother and family with Nora tomorrow (Saturday) through Monday. I was honest with him, told him I’d rather him not, but that I also understood he misses his brother. They have two littles, one who is six months old now, who we still haven’t met.
I’m so torn, and discouraged. And I feel guilty too. We could all go, but the idea of packing up two kids and driving five hours to stay only a couple of days feels too overwhelming to me right now. Being I’ve been alone with the girls for a week now, I’m exhausted. There is tons of laundry I’d need to do before we could even pack. I know Eric understands this, why is why he offered to just take Nora. I mean, of course I want to meet my newest niece, and see their older daughter who is Nora’s age. And them of course too. But its not a vacation, it’s work, and mostly for me.
And then there is the whole being alone piece of it if Eric does go. Yes, I’d have Nadia here with me, but she doesn’t exactly provide the adult interaction I crave. It just feels like there is this constant struggle between Eric and I, me wanting him home, more time together as family, and him finding reasons to be away, whether that be forced time away because of work, or other ideas he has. He and I certainly don’t have a lot of time together as it is… but is denying him time with his brother fair? Shouldn’t he want to be home with me, excited to be home here after a week away?