Everyday, several times a day, I think, I should write… And then the girls start screaming at each other, or the dog barks to go outside, or it’s time for a ZOOM preschool session, or the girls need another snack, or Nadia has a meltdown… And just like that the day is over. It’s crazy how I can be so busy doing absolutely nothing.
The last day I was out and about in the world, and the girls were in school, was March 11th, my 40th birthday. I didn’t do anything all that memorable, ran some errands, purchased some summer clothing for the girls at Target, looked around at Scheels for nothing I needed… Oh how I miss shopping for nothing with a Starbucks in hand. That evening we went out for dinner at a run of the mill Mexican restaurant on Main Street, which happened to be PACKED. It was a lovely evening with family. I so miss the ordinary.
March 11th was 32 days ago. It feels like so much has happened, but yet in reality, absolutely nothing has…
Nora’s 5th birthday was March 16th. I tried to make the day special, decorated the house a bit, made her a cake, insisted she wear a birthday shirt. Her main gift was the Barbie Dreamhouse. Why the hell does the thing come with so many accessories??
Other updates from March…
- Both the girls have Zoom preschool sessions each morning. And while I totally love they still get to ‘see’ their teachers and friends, I highly doubt they are actually getting much from the sessions. Neither is interested in sitting in front of a computer longer than five minutes. I keep forcing them though, as I understand learning is healthy and I want them to have some type of normalcy from their life pre-COVID-19 isolation. God I hope Nora is going to be prepared for kindergarten come August.
- Neither of the girls have been sleeping well… Right now I’m blaming the drastic change to their schedules. But the longer we’re living in this new normal, the less I’ll be able to use that excuse. Nadia has always been my poor sleeper, she is still waking at least once a night. Nora though is now also waking, and she used to be sleep through the night, in her own bed, every single night. Like last night, she crawled into our bed around midnight. Could she really just be reacting to all the changes in her life?
- We still haven’t found a new home… which is making isolation even harder for me. More and more time in a house that certainly doesn’t feel like home. I keep praying the perfect house will just come on the market.
- I fear Nadia’s OCD is getting worse. Or maybe I’m just noticing it more since I’m with her 24/7 now. Her meltdowns are epic, and becoming more frequent. She’s constantly asking for wipes as she loses her mind if anything gets on her hands. I don’t know, I could list a million things… I know we are still on the wait list for a therapy consult, but who knows when that will be.
- We sent in paperwork to our fertility clinic, basically forcing them to make a decision as to whether or not they will allow us to use a surrogate giving our history of pre-term births. That was over a month ago now and no response, although I can only assume IVF procedures are on-hold since everything else medically is at a stand-still. And I totally get that now would not be a good time, but time is ticking, I’m already 40!
- I could probably write a book on how hard this whole isolation thing has been for me, how much I miss my family and friends. I feel like everyone keeps telling me to slow down and enjoy this time with family. And I am… but I miss my old life. I miss getting to the gym, having some, if even 30 minutes of daily alone time. And I know the girls miss school, or at least the consistency of it. I was finally starting to feel like my life was settling into a new normal and now everything feels very messy.
I’m sure I’m forgetting lots and lots of things I’ve been meaning to mention… for now though, the house is a reck so I best go do some dishes so I can see the counters again!