My appointment today went perfectly!
Eric was second scrub on a case this morning so he was able to slip out and join me at my appointment. And yes, I complain when he doesn’t go, but I’m so used to going alone that it was a bit odd for him to be there…. Nice, but different.
We checked in, got my nifty name bracelet, and were sent to waiting room 3. Side note, I’d love to understand the rationale behind the 3, well, technically 4 waiting rooms. There is the main one, which I’ve never been to, then there is 1, 2 and 3. I’ve never been to 1 either, but before this entire RE ordeal began and I was just seeing my regular OB/GYN for yearly exams, I was always sent to waiting room 2. Such organization they have. But I can’t help but feel like waiting room 3 is for the ‘problem’ patients.
So off we went to waiting room 3, Eric with his coffee in hand.
We were called in for my ultrasound first. The lady was overly friendly, a tech I haven’t met before. Eric took a seat at the head of the ultrasound bed and I slipped into the bathroom to strip from the waist down.
The results of ultrasound couldn’t have been better!
- Cyst is gone!
- Uterine lining is 4mm, which is thin, but as they would expect from the BCPs I’ve been taking.
- I haven’t ovulated, another sign the BCPs are working. (I guess I did need the stronger dose.)
- I have a total of 23 follicles, 10 on one side, and 13 on the other. From the research I’ve done, over 30 is bad, but the more the better up to 30. The tech said 23 is awesome, as even if only half produce a mature egg, we’d be in really good shape! And we expect more than half!
We were ushered next to see a nurse, just to review the medication protocol for this cycle. Last time I started with 10 units of Lupron, but that didn’t control what my body wanted to do on its own, so in two days, Wednesday, I’ll start 20 units daily. Last time the Lupron made me incredibly tried, very hungry, and resulted in an awful headache. I’m so hoping double the dose this time doesn’t mean double the side effects.
I already picked up all my meds, so we’re pretty much good to go. And I’m not even nervous this time about the injections! Well, about the subcutaneous ones anyway. The intramuscular, well, those are another story. But they are a few weeks off, so let’s not think about those just yet. Once I start the Lupron on Wednesday I’ll continue until I get a period, stopping my BCPs this Saturday. If you recall last time I didn’t get a period, so I kind of expect that again, but we shall see. If I don’t get a period by Thursday, April 17th I’ll go in for blood work and another ultrasound.
I’ve very excited things are looking good so far. But I can’t help but be a little skeptical. The University’s program is excellent, but even excellent only has about a 40% chance of a live birth from any individual IVF cycle. So that said, there is a better chance of this not working than working. I realize I sound a little negative, but I’m just trying to be honest and realistic with myself. If this cycle doesn’t result in a pregnancy, I’m at least hoping we’ll have some good to excellent quality embryos to freeze for future transfers.
In other news, I made another appointment with a therapist, someone different this time, as I wasn’t a huge fan of the one the infertility clinic recommended. My first appointment is tomorrow morning at 8AM, and to be honest, I’m not sure what I expect out of the visit. I feel like therapy in itself is an extremely time intensive process, which doesn’t align with my personality. I want results now, I want a fix now… But I don’t even know what fix I want! I think I’ve been trying to convince myself this infertility struggle doesn’t bother me, that it’s just one more list of things to complete on my to do list. But you and I both know that’s probably not entirely true. It does affect me, in ways I probably don’t even understand.
I was thinking back to several of my recent posts, the ones specifically centered around issues between me and Eric. And I realize no marriage is perfect, but throw in infertility and well, it’s a recipe close to disaster for many. Eric and I don’t handle stress and struggles the same, as I assume most couples don’t. Men and women are different. I like to talk and vent, hence this blog. Eric is almost completely non-verbal, holding his thoughts and feelings inside. Often I take his silence as a lack of concern, but I know that isn’t the case. He’s just quiet.
Sunday afternoon I ran some errands and returned home to find Eric napping on the couch. My gut reaction was annoyance. There were a billion things that needed to be done around the house, but yet there he was… And yes, often, okay, almost always, I forget that he was up at 5AM to round on his patients, and he went to bed late as his pager was going off, so he has a good excuse for catching up on sleep. Often I see his behavior as lazy, when really it’s him just trying to survive residency. That said though, I feel very overwhelmed managing the entire household, from our finances, to general upkeep of the house, lawn care, to even managing him. The man literally has no time to take care of the normal ‘stuff’ since he works so much. So yes, I do understand he needed the sleep, but I was still very frustrated and overwhelmed, as many household tasks are things I physically can’t complete on my own, or don’t have the time due to my own full-time work schedule.
I guess my hope for tomorrows appointment, and I assume more in the future, is for me to find a way to deal with the overwhelming feelings that come over me often. Eric and I need a solution, some sort of plan on how everything that needs to be accomplished day-to-day in our lives will be. And perhaps I can’t count on him to complete many, if any, tasks at home, but if that’s the case, then changes need to be made, other solutions sought. And before we add children to the mix!