So Overwhelmed

I’m so overwhelmed! So much change, so much to do…

We moved… I know, I didn’t even post about that! There are still boxes everywhere! More on that another time, but so far, it’s great. We need to order some new furniture and decorate, and, well, unpack, but it’s good.

A few of you wrote comments about the ‘hurricane’ in Iowa. It was in Cedar Rapids, about an hour south of where we currently live. I used to live in Cedar Rapids though, my mom still does, and I just happen to be in town that day for a doctor’s appointment. I had just gotten into town, so I pulled off to the side of I380 when the wind was too strong for me to drive straight. I honestly thought I was going to die. There was so much ‘stuff’ flying through the air hitting cars, obviously along with the wind and rain. It was like nothing I have ever experienced before. And then once it was over, driving through town, well, trying to, as it was almost impossible with all the trees down… Just unreal the damage. My mom’s home had some damage, as most in the city did, and they didn’t have power for quite awhile, so they came to my house… but we are all safe. I can’t thank God enough.

Nora had Kindergarten orientation last week. Can you believe she is going to Kindergarten??? I seriously can’t. Each family was given a 15 minute block of time, and only one parent could attend, all due to COVID, but Eric was working anyway. And thankfully Nadia didn’t cry for the sitter!!! Nora was a little shy, but it was good to meet her teacher, see where she will be all day, get a feel for the building…

Nadia got glasses! I think she looks adorable and they must really help her see, as she actually wants to wear them!

Nadia’s 4th birthday was this past Sunday, August 23rd. Eric was on-call this weekend and quite busy, so he was at the hospital on and off that day, but we were still able to celebrate Nadia! The girls and I had donuts for breakfast and we went out for Mexican for dinner, as Nadia loves Mexican rice. And of course she opened tons of presents, mostly toys. I’ll have to plan a time to celebrate with extended family soon.

And finally, the first day of school was yesterday. Both the girls seemed a little excited, and neither cried, which really surprised me. After being home for so long with really only me during the days I was sure there would be tears and lots of drama on the first day. But no, they saved that for the second day… I guess today they knew what was to come, meaning leaving mom for a few hours. I know it’s good for them, and for me, but I still feel bad pushing them in the doors. Parents aren’t allowed inside the buildings, so it’s even harder this year with drop-offs. And yesterday with Nora, well, sending her into Kindergarten for the first time didn’t feel at all like I expected… I guess I thought I would hand her off to her teacher, but all the kids from K-4 were just all walking in the same doors. I think the gym teacher was at the door and asked me if Nora knew where she was going… And no, I doubted she remembered which room was hers on the second floor for the 15 minutes we were there last week. She obviously found her way though! And she came home with lots of things to tell me. She seemed to really enjoy the day. So the tears this morning the minute she was out of bed, her and Nadia crying they didn’t want to go to school really tugged at my heart. I hope they both make some friends very soon!

July 10th

Wow, July 10th. I haven’t written in over a month. I have no idea how that is possible. The month of June somehow flew by, but yet each day felt like 17 years.

June was basically the same as May, only hotter. We played in the pool a lot, see some pictures below, as we still aren’t going out in pubic. It’s been somewhere around 119 days in isolation. I keep saying I might lose my mind. Perhaps I already have. Today is especially bad, it’s near 100F so we haven’t been outside much… and they are obviously sick of being stuck inside. They fight. Nadia is quite physical. I feel like I keep pulling her off Nora. No amount of sending her to her room does any good. I suspect a lot of Nadia’s behavior is sensory related, more on that in another post, but regardless, we need to discipline. And I have no idea how, as nothing I have tried works. I know we can’t stay inside forever, but with cases rising again, I’m just not all that comfortable taking the girls out yet.

In other news… WE BOUGHT A HOUSE. Eric keeps teasing me that it’s our annual real estate purchase, as we seem to move every one to two years lately. It’s a really pretty house, I’ll post a few pictures once we are moved in. We close July 27th but the movers don’t come until August 8th. I guess I should be packing.

Nadia had her first occupational therapy (OT) session last week. They gave us a reoccurring appointment, every OTHER Thursday for 30 minutes. I’m annoyed. I don’t feel like it’s nearly enough time, as I can hardly tell them my concerns much less have them work on anything with her. I feel like they are just too busy to really give any patient the attention they need. Maybe I still need to consider another therapist in another nearby city. Nadia also has a speech therapy appointment at the end of the month. She was in speech, and actually physical therapy also, when she was younger, but I feel like she still needs some help with speech. She doesn’t talk much, although can, but sometimes she acts like she wants to say something but can’t think of the word. Other times she will make a noise or point for something she wants. We’ll see what they have to say.

I can’t think of what else is new… since we don’t leave the house much. We did go to my sister’s house for the 4th of July which was fun, lots of good food! Otherwise, same old same old here playing LEGOs!

Another thought on this house…

So the house on Wynnewood, some thoughts on that one… How much work, and expense, would it be to paint the kitchen and bathroom cabinets, replace the countertops, paint all the walls, maybe replace or stain flooring? I like the layout of the house, and the location. But the colors are all wrong for me. I want whites and grays. The trim and doors are white, but there is a lot of cherry wood… Thoughts?

And I still haven’t heard from our realtor on when we can see the one on Deena. I hate to bother him, but I’m so anxious to see it!

It’s June!!!

How it can be June, I have no idea. May took three years to pass I swear. Our state, Iowa, is starting to open back up, but we are still staying put for the most part. We have been out once really, for Eric’s birthday to dinner which was last week. It felt very weird to be out, almost wrong. And the girls were kind of wild, but of course, can you blame them after being stuck at home for months?? After Eric’s birthday dinner he enjoyed a homemade chocolate cake at home. Super yummy!

I feel like I have lots of updates… probably because I haven’t written in quite sometime, but also because I feel like all the things put on hold due to COVID-19 as slowing coming off hold status.

The occupational therapy clinic FINALLY called and Nadia’s appointment is next Monday morning. I’m nervous, and I so wish Eric could come too, but they only want the patient and one parent due to COVID. More to come on this!

And… the IVF clinic called to make an appointment to start the gestational carrier process from their end. I have no idea what to expect, I guess we will find out. They suggested some appointment dates in July, but Eric is on-call those days, so I’m waiting for them to call me back so we can figure something out! Stay-tuned!

Alright, back to cleaning the kitchen and laundry, which I’ve been putting off forever. Seems the more time I have, the less I accomplish with poor motivation. I’ll leave you with a few more of my favorite photos currently on my phone.

Mother’s Day

This may be the most uneventful Mother’s Day ever… I was able to sleep in a bit, but then we all kind of laid around, had a lunch of leftovers, and finally Eric showered to round on his inpatients and see consults, as he is on-call this weekend. The girls are playing downstairs, alone for once, and I’m dreaming up dinner and hoping Eric is home soon. I’m thinking takeout as I’m not in the mood to cook. Or clean up. Or do anything really.

We haven’t made any decisions on the house… I feel like if I don’t love it, we shouldn’t buy it. But what if I never love anything in this city?? And then last night I found out a partner of Eric’s bought not one, but TWO very expensive lots to build. I guess they wanted a large lot for their castle they intend to design. And no, I don’t expect to spend that kind of money on land, and no, I don’t need a $2M home. I wouldn’t want to live in such a development where I felt like I had to keep up with the neighbors… But it still makes me feel a little sad. I just want to move and feel settled, and sooner rather than later!


Remember this house we made an offer on way back when which was rejected…? Our realtor just told me the sellers are now interested in making a deal. Eric said we would talk tonight, as it’s an expensive house considering I’d still want to redo the kitchen…

One Down

It’s Wednesday. We closed on our Hiawatha house Monday. One down. Last week Eric was off work and thus we spent a few days there cleaning and moving out our last few items. I took the pictures below, the living room and Nadia’s bedroom, rather randomly, my views that day as I said good-bye to the house. It was bitter-sweet for me. I really liked that house. As we finished sweeping the garage, Eric gave me a hug and I almost started crying. It wasn’t really about the house as much as feeling at home somewhere. Since the end of March when we moved back into our old house in Cedar Falls I haven’t felt at all at home. 80% of our items are still packed… There are no decorations up… Honestly, I’m not even all that motivated to clean lately, knowing we will move, and hopefully sooner rather than later! Again though, nothing awesome is for sale here currently and Eric is rather against building at this point. So we wait. And I keep checking more than once a day for new listings. Seriously!

I got a few emails from the girl’s soon-to-be preschool which starts next month. Um, lots of information, I’m feeling a bit lost. School supply lists and so much more. Is this how every new parent feels? Thankfully this is the same place they will attend for grade school, so hopefully the learning curve is largest right now for me as they initially begin.

I should go pick-up my groceries I ordered online and dream up dinner before my afternoon workout. That’s my new routine. Pretty much the same everyday. Is everyone’s life this uneventful??

I’ll leave you with a picture of us taken two weekends ago I think. We had just eaten lunch on Main Street, got jelly beans at the candy store, and were heading to the library for a bit. Fun day 🙂


July Already!

I feel like the title says it all.

Our Hiawatha house is set to close July 15th if the buyer’s bank can get everything ready by then, and I seriously can’t wait. These buyers are annoying the crap outta me. Maybe it’s because I’m a little jealous they get my house… I was there yesterday for a bit and realized how much I really like it, and how much I will miss it. Or maybe it’s because the buyers really are annoying. The house is about a year and a half old, we were the only owners since it was built new. The buyers wanted the carpets cleaned. And touch-up paint ordered for the kitchen cabinets… The carpets and the cabinets are spotless so I’m not sure what their deal is. Oh, and get this, they already set up lawn care services and I’m pretty sure the guy who came to cut the grass broke a window. Ugh, I swear to God I’m not paying to replace that when they had people come to a house they don’t even own yet! The nerve!

Cedar Falls house is currently off the market as there is not a single thing in this city currently for sale I want to buy. We didn’t want it to sell and be forced to buy quickly and move. I assume we won’t list it for sale again until we are moved into something else. Makes it way easier that way for showings too.

I’m in my fifth week of working out for 60 minutes five days a week. The classes are like hell, some kick boxing, some weight training, a good mix really, but I swear they just try to kill us. So far I have survived. We’ll see.

Speaking of dying. I have more concerns about our current daycare. But again, I’m scared to say anything as I fear we’ll be kicked out again… Sad, but true, I really feel that way. In the bathtub last week Nora and Nadia took in Barbies to play, and Nora kept knocking one into the water and saying she was dead. I asked Nora if she knew what dead meant, and she said it means you lay down. I tried to explain, but I think I failed as she didn’t seem to grasp the concept that death is permanent. I let it go, but then later that evening she asked me what a gun was. I was so shocked I didn’t even really answer her question, rather just asked her where she heard the term. She said at school… What the… Why would that be talked about? I mean, I assume it was other kids, not like an actual discussion in class, but what four and five year-olds talk about guns? Or am I really that naive? Thank God they start as a new pre-school at the end of August.

Nadia is still waking once or twice a night. Lately though she has these tantrums. Like she literally throws herself on the floor and screams at the top of her lungs. Yells at me, tried to swat me away from her. It’s awful as she wakes the entire house. I never experienced behavior like this with Nora, although I’ve heard other horror stories of the “terrible twos”. I’m wondering if this behavior is within the range or normal… Or course I’m always terrified it’s not normal, something related to her prematurity, her brain bleed or lack of oxygen at birth. Something else for me to worry about and obsess over.

Enough for now… off to do laundry and meal plan. The joys of my life!

More Showings

Our Hiawatha house is a bit at a standstill. Movers come in a few days, Saturday morning actually, to move our remaining crap. It’s mostly just boxes from our storage room. Once everything is out I need to touch up some paint and have cleaners do a final move-out clean. Then it will be ready to list with a realtor, my hope is within two weeks from today. We’ll see.

Our Cedar Falls house, where we are currently living, has had lots of showings, but no offers. In fact, we have another showing tonight at 6:45pm, our realtor wants to re-take some pictures now that our furniture, rather than the renters, is here, and then Sunday he wants to do another open house, even though we just had an open house last Sunday. I’m honestly really sick of cleaning and hiding everything we actually use. It’s exhausting. I cleaned most of this morning after I dropped the girls at daycare, but I know they will destroy the place, bringing out all their toys, the first several minutes they are home later. And where to take them tonight from 6:45 to 7:30pm… I’m not sure how many more open houses I really want to allow. I’ve never purchased a home I viewed at an open house (and we’re purchased a lot of homes). I feel like serious buyers will make the effort to schedule a private showing with their realtor…

All that said, I’m kind of having a crappy day. Being that I really just cleaned all day, and for what, I’m not sure, as there is no guarantee whoever is seeing the house tonight is even a serious buyer. I find most who look aren’t even in a position to buy, with the vast majority not evening having their own home listed for sale yet. Annoys the crap out of me, considering I spend so much time cleaning and such. I know, it’s all a numbers game. The more who look, the better chance of finding the right buyers. But still.

Then, to make me feel even more like I have no purpose, I read this comment on a Facebook post of mine a bit ago… The original post was me asking if anyone in the area has used instacart for grocery delivery. These are all the feelings I have… which my therapist keeps telling me to push away… But here they are, spelled out. All the times I’ve felt so overwhelmed with doing everything at home while Eric works so much, yet fearing I’m viewed as lazy by the rest of the world, lazy by other mom’s standards…IMG_4732

I should get back to cleaning the house, and I have a hair appointment for myself later this afternoon, as I can’t even remember the last time my hair was trimmed. Wish us luck with our showing tonight…


So much to say, so little time.

In the past week we’ve had 3 showings and an open house at the Cedar Falls home we moved into a week ago. It’s so stressful for me to keep it clean with two littles and a dog. And the more Eric and I think about it, we think maybe we should take it off the market for now. I mean, if it sells before our (much more expensive) Hiawatha house, then we’re forced to buy a second home while still owning the more expensive one. Ugh. What are the chances they both sell at the same time?

The Hiawatha house is still listed for sale by owner, but I’m getting no traffic. I’m waiting for a Realtor to stop by right now, who is somehow my cousin, maybe second cousin. She actually sold us the house. I’m so confused by Realtors though. One emailed me this morning and offered to take less on commission. But then this Realtor said not to take lees commission, as it’s a sign of a bad Realtor. Like going to a discount Urologist. I guess… I don’t know. Isn’t it normal, and smart, to shop around? So yes, I’m here, I’ve been cleaning all day, hiding stuff, as we still have some personal items here, stuff we didn’t need for now. Not a lot of furniture, but lots of kids toys, the guest bed, a curio in the kitchen, and everything in the garage. All the crap that’s hard to pack, and some big stuff, so need to hire movers again.

Sorry, I wasn’t able to finish and post before the Realtor stopped by…

Her and I chatted, but I’m still confused. Do I pick to pay her 7% when the other guy is offering 5%? The difference is a lot of cash when we consider the house is worth over half a million… Both plan to stage the home. What else should I be expecting?

I guess my days the rest of this week, and probably next too, will be spent continuing to pack and move all the stuff still there, while cleaning and deciding who to hire to sell the place.

On a side note, it was a little strange being back there again today. It feels like my house, but yet it doesn’t. We only lived there a year and a half… and we did make a lot of great memories there, but I certainly can’t say I’d gotten attached to the house. It was a house, not really ever made it into the home category. But… looking back, we’ve moved so much during the past five years, four times now, each time buying a house and selling one… I haven’t felt ‘at home’ in any of the houses really, maybe because none felt permanent. Honestly, I’ve felt rather homeless, not really settled. I long to feel settled, to feel cozy in a space I call my home. Hopefully soon.