Weed Killer and Fertilizer

I might be looking too far into this… but look at the chart below…

Not sure how well you can see it, but the yellow highlight is the day our lawn care company came and sprayed on a treatment of weed killer/lawn fertilizer. All the -1’s that follow in the rows under their respective symptom, show Nadia’s reaction. Yes, it could be a coincidence that her reaction was after the treatment. She could have been exposed to something the day before on kindergarten visit day. But just seems odd to me. And I know these products for your lawn are awful for people… And we keep the girls and dog away from the yard after applications. But I also know our neighbors would FREAK OUT if out lawn had weeds. They freak if our cutting schedule is a day off. Don’t even get me started on them.

I just emailed a company that advertises safe, organic lawn care products. Is that even a thing? Can we kill weeds and not harm ourselves?

14 Days

Fourteen days until Nora is finished with 1st grade and Nadia graduates from preschool. The countdown is on. Just this morning I posted a nanny position. I’ll be the first to admit I am not great stuck at home with the girls for weeks on end. COVID proved that. They are sort of homebodies though, so hopefully we can find a college girl who wants to play with worms and read to them all summer, LOL.

Nadia was doing so so so so good. Until two weeks ago. She attended kindergarten visit day, which she was so excited about, and happily walked into without hardly saying good-bye to me. The next day the angry outbursts started all over again, and haven’t stopped yet. I’ve tried to think of what changed. Maybe she was exposed to a new person with a new virus. Maybe the school has a ton of mold? Maybe one of her supplements is causing too much detox too fast? How the hell am I supposed to know. This PANS shit is such a guessing game. One that feels never-ending and ever so complicated. Half the time I don’t even know what we’re fighting… But we proceed. One day at a time. And hope tomorrow is better.

I still haven’t heard back about how Nora’s school evaluation turned out. I assume they are still working on it… She is almost in second grade now though. Remember, fourteen days. I feel like if reading is an issue we need to get onto solving the problem.

Nora is still really sad at school drop off each morning. Do you think she’ll be different next year when she is the big sister to Nadia there? Will Nora take on a more leading role and show Nadia around? I hope…

I think she is growing up, and so begins to dream dreams, and have hopes and fears and fidgets, without knowing why or being able to explain them.

Louisa May Alcott

Long Overdue Update

I kind of suck at writing lately. Which is a shame as I really like to write… but finding the time seems hard these days. Although really, what the heck do I do with my time??

Today is Wednesday. Wednesdays seems busier than most. Nora gets out of school early, Nadia doesn’t have pre-school but does have ballet in the morning, and Nora has gymnastics on Wednesday evenings. And starting next week Nora and Nadia will have gymnastics together! Oh, and it’s gloomy today. Raining, dark, not cold, but also not warm at around 40ºF.

Tomorrow Nora’s school speech therapist will be meeting with her. I have several concerns about her speech, stuttering, possible lisp, baby talk (a sign of PANS & PANDAS), and she still wants to spit out some chewed food, which I know is related to the muscles in the mouth and using them correctly. Or possibly a sensory issue with textures and such. Way back when we did feeding therapy with Nora, hopefully we don’t have to restart that.

Next Tuesday I’m getting back together with Nora’s teacher and their Area Education Agency representative to discuss the actual evaluation they want to do. I tell ya, this process is so long and drawn out! Just do the evaluation and let’s stop talking about doing it! Reminds me of all the meetings I had in my previous career life…

I will say, I think Nora is doing a lot better reading all the sudden. Maybe she doesn’t have an issue and just needed more time for it all to click… I guess we’ll see.

I’m still working with the doctor in Minnesota for Nadia’s PANS issues, and we are now having Nora treated as well. We don’t have an official diagnosis for Nora, but maybe it doesn’t matter. I’d rather treat the real issues than spend time deciding on a name for what’s wrong. In my mind, the real issue with both the girls is a combination of their crappy immune systems, and leaky gut, which are really tired together. Basically everything they eat and ingest, so not just the actual food, but the toxins on our US food, bacteria, viruses, the crap in water, the air, everything basically, leaks through their gut then into their blood and eventually crosses the blood/brain barrier. Their immune systems can’t fight everything like a ‘normal’ person’s could, thus we end up with all these random issues, including, but certainly not limited to behavior/mental health issues, skin rashes, sleep issues, stomach aches, brain fog, night sweats, God, the list is so long I can’t even really begin to list it all. So our treatment is varied as well, cleaning up their diets, which feels impossible with kids, cleaning up our environment to get rid of toxins, like our water filters, air filters, buying healthier of everything, and treating current infections and bacteria, plus making their immune systems stronger so eventually it can fight all this on it’s own. Which is all a lot easier said than done. I’m exhausted from preparing their medications and supplements each morning and night. They are sick of taking them. And even harder is cleaning up our diet. I’m trying to buy as much organic as I can. We are supposed to eliminate gluten and dairy, not because they are celiac, but because gluten and dairy cause inflammation in the gut in everyone. Of course the girls wants to live on white carbs. Probably part of the reason we are in this situation. So the eating is very, very difficult. And honestly, we aren’t completely gluten or dairy free. I fail daily. But it’s a process. Less is better.

Honestly, Nadia is doing really, really well currently. Not only is she wearing pants on a daily basis, she is also wearing underwear on a daily basis. THIS IS HUGE. I know it doesn’t sound huge, but it is, for us.

Otherwise, life feels very uneventful. There are only 35 more school days. Can’t believe that. I already registered Nadia for Kindergarten this fall, and Nora for 2nd grade. Can’t believe that either.

We had our final mental health evaluation for our surrogate process. Gosh, did I even mention all that?? Well, we did, so now we are in the waiting phase… We wait for the agency to find a ‘match’ for us. Our contract says they have ten months to do that, if I remember correctly. So we wait…

Orientation & First Days of School

I don’t even think I wrote about the last days of school, or most of the summer… But… Moving on! So they say, the past is the past!

Orientation was the Friday before school started. Nadia’s preschool session was during the day, so just the girls and I went as Eric was working. Nadia seemed a little hesitant but she showed me around, pointed out where she painted last year, where they wash their hands, have snack, etc. I wouldn’t say she seemed excited, but she didn’t appear terrified either, as I kind of expected. It’s all the same teachers, so that’s good, but mostly new students, as I think most of her previous class went onto kindergarten. I just didn’t think Nadia was ready yet… she needs another year to heal and prepare I think. God, please let her be ready next year…

Nora’s orientation was in the evening, so all four of us attended. We met Nora’s teacher, got a bit familiar with her classroom and walked around the school a little. Her teacher seems super, super nice, and so far Nora really likes her. Nora even went as far as to say her teacher is funnier than daddy! Imagine that!

So aside from Nora now being sick with RSV and missing most of this second week of school, I’d say things are going well for her so far. She does whine a bit each morning that she doesn’t want to go to school. Same as last year. She must be fine once she’s there though, as always smiling in pictures and when I pick her up! I did feel horrible the very first day though. The kids all lined up outside with their classmates, and Nora had tears in her eyes, waving to Eric, Nadia, and me. It was heartbreaking. But nice to see her teacher comfort her, I knew she would be fine.

Nadia has been attending just her afternoon preschool sessions so far, so not the morning daycare portions. Which is fine. I wanted to ease her back into school, and plus, I’m home all the time, she doesn’t have to attend the daycare part.

We’ve had a few tears with Nadia so far. She whines most nights, and days too, that she doesn’t want to go to school. The first few days she happily walked in, and according to her teachers, did very, very well. She is always smiling when I pick her up and all excited to show me her work from the day, paintings and such, so I take that as a very good sign. Still no underwear or pants. Her teachers said it would be fine for her to attend school in long dresses, and so far that has been okay. She is learning to sit properly in a dress. Scares me for next year though, when she has a uniform. Or heck, even this winter when it’s cold and they go outside to play for recess! Ah! What if she is still claiming the ‘wet’ feeling then??

Yesterday when I dropped Nadia off she was crying, and I felt horrible leaving her there so upset. The thing is though, she wasn’t just upset about school, she was upset about her socks, saying they felt strange. This sock issue isn’t completely new. We’ve been dealing with sensory issues for years with Nadia, although lately, especially since school started, they seem worse. Anxiety about school I assume is the cause. I also question how much is strictly a sensory issue, and how much comes from the PANS/PANDAS/Lyme. Anyway, yesterday we must have changed socks three times, and even then she was still uncomfortable. I have purchased every single kind of sock I can find, including multiple brands made for sensory issues. Nothing seems to help her. I’m at a loss on how to help Nadia. So I do the best I can, change socks multiple times a day, keep fixing them and re-fixing them, changing shoes, whatever calms her. Although sometimes nothing calms her 🙁 I wish I knew how to help her. OT for years and still I have no real fixes for Nadia. In fact, I don’t know if we’re going to continue OT, as I’m not seeing improvements, so what’s the point, you know… I

’ll post again soon about Nadia’s Lyme/PANS/PANDAS progress. Oh, and about her 5th birthday too! For now, I guess I should find the girls and myself some lunch.

Nanny

I hate to say this, but I think our summer ‘nanny’ is really lazy. I picked her as she impressed me at the interview. She’s a 27 year-old married 2nd grade teacher. Very easy to talk to… which I always look for. I don’t want it to be awkward with someone in your house so many hours a week. And she’s not all bad, the girls do seem to have fun with her, they are happy, but… I don’t know… She is almost always on her phone. And yes, sometimes around my girls I am too, but it’s her job. She is pretty much always late in the morning, even if only 8-10 minutes, but still, it annoys me. She does ‘teach’ them as I asked, but really only from the workbooks I provided, which I easily could have worked with them myself. For the most part they really just watch TV all day. And since the girls come to me for everything, I feel like I have to leave the house, even though I have so many projects at home I want to complete.


I’m still waiting for a few blood test results for Nadia, one being Lyme. I’m so anxious to get more details about everything this new provider wants to treat and how. For the most part Nadia is having good days. Very few epic meltdowns, she is sleeping well, in a generally good mood… but still usually refusing underwear, which is my biggest concern related to her going back to school. And the end of August will be here before we know it. Plus, she is currently home most days, if even just with the nanny. I fear for how she will be when I drop her off at preschool. Although she hasn’t seemed to care when I leave her home lately, so perhaps a plus.

I’ve done a bit more decorating, well, very little, don’t get too excited. And I’m not sure I love any of it, but for now it looks better than the random toys everywhere!

Oh, and apparently Nadia is completely over her sensory issues with her hands feeling icky, as she now loves worms! She is not my child! I don’t want those things anywhere around me. And Eric wants to take the girls fishing this weekend. I hope Nadia isn’t too attached to her worm.

And I dug out my Maker to make one item… I didn’t have permanent vinyl though, so not sure how long it will stick…